"As hard as it is for some to understand, I can understand and sympathize with WH in this situation. I know WH and I know what kind of heart he has and this is very hard for him."

It's too bad they don't feel the same way about hurting their family. Sorry, he had a choice in this.

And so did the OW.

Believer,

I didnt say he didnt have a choice and that she didnt either. They both made the choice to cheat. Dont sympathize one bit for anything they have done. They were totally wrong in what they did and are doing.
He does have a choice.

All I am saying is that I can empathize with what he might be feeling. Doesnt mean anything other than that....i empathized.

K

Dearest, Sweetest Katie,

Stop it.

Stop it now.

No Plan B letter. Just go dark. No more emails, phone conversations or nice dinners. If you did what I think you did with the no talking, you have to go get tested for STDs right away.

Stop it all.

I adore you. You must stop. You are disrespecting your WH and his capabilities. He has been lying...to try is to lie, Katie. He either does get right with God or he doesn't.

You've got to file. You are being self-destructive, and destructive to your children. Please stop.

Each time you accept his lies, your children feel betrayed.

Each time you bring him to see his DS in jail, you betray your son.

You are manipulating, Katie. Not acting from a code.

Please stop.

Stop judging others. Period. You judge her incapable of going to a homeless shelter--no one is incapable of that.

You judge him as weak...and he will be, to you, not her.

You judge yourself as trying to save your marriage when if he comes back, after more contact, and then finally reconciliation, he will not change or grow...doesn't have to--you took him back before he realized anything.

You are worthy and lovable. This is not love in any form. This is addiction--you are addicted to him. Face this addiction, be strong and stop the drug.

Now.

Please.

LA

Loving,
I will have to read this to absorb what you are saying. I dont understand some of it, so I will just reread it and try to get it.
K

I have that affect on people, Kgirl...(you like that?)

Read away.

And hug yourself...hard! Now!

I'm feeling very bossy, can ya tell?

LA

I have to admit that you overwhelm me. I dont get a lot of what you are saying and I know I am not a stupid person. But some of it just doesnt register.

Thank you for your words. I will take them under advisement.

K

Hey you...was thinking of you and wondered how you were doing.

You know...if I make no sense to you...it might just be me not making sense. That's reasonable possibility.

Do you believe that going dark will lose your marriage or save it?

Tell me if you thought I was attacking you or your WH...or both?

Lemme know...we made a promise, you and I...you wouldn't run away and I wouldn't abandon you. You've seen people's famous last words to me, right? Please don't.

Take just one thing that doesn't register...which I take you to mean that either it didn't feel applicable to what you believe or do; or that you don't understand how it may get you the results you want?

I'm guessing in the dark, too...C...c'mon, lemme in on it.

LA

I have not run away. I read here everyday. I just dont always post anything. There are a few people here I keep tabs on and how they are doing with their plans.

There is a lot I dont get. Trying to wade thru the Codependant No More book, some makes sense some does not. I have backed off of everything for the past week. Just going thru the motions and not too deep into anything. Enjoying spring break with my daughter and just let everything else slide. Went out of town for a few days.

WH has emailed a few times but says nothing. He left me an email last night that puzzled me. Earlier in the day he texted me, wanted to make sure we were ok, if we were coming home and could he stop and get the truck. I did not say anything personal and kept it all business. The email last night said he had wanted to see us and waited here as long as possible for us to get in but had to go. Wanted to know if he could see us today or tomorrow. Maybe take in a movie or something.
Kind of just ticked me off. I was happy on one hand and mad on the other.
On top of that, HE sent ME several devotions he had gotten in his email. Said they were very powerful. Very different since I am the one that has been sending them to him and I stopped doing that.

Soooo, DD and I are doing our thing today. If he calls, I might answer, might not. Not going to sit around and wait, thats for sure.

Anyway, Loving, I have not left. Just here.

Katie

Thank you, Kgirl...

You didn't state a preference.. C...Kgirl...what?

Good to know you're just being quiet. Glad to know you're enjoying your DD and Spring Break.

((()))

LA

I answer to most anything. So your preference. Wasnt going to call WH today. But in the course of our doing some shopping, I locked my keys in my car. Called WH and he didnt have any keys and had to drive to my house to get them and come back to where we were. About 90 miles round trip for him. We took him to dinner for rescuing us. Had a nice time with him, DD and I.
So much for not calling him today. I gave DD a spare car key to rescue me from now on. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Anyway, just a small update on my day.

Katie

Good to know...next time, a fireman will usually do it for free. I mean, open your car door for you. They have the tools.

Why does each sentence look to me like I'm setting you up with a fireman? I think I found a hidden fantasy in myself.

LOL

Happy Spring Break ending, darlin'.

LA

Thanks for the info. I was in a different town from where I live. Its what I get for shopping out of town.

Interesting developments here with WH. More of my H coming out. He is working on trying to get started with SA. Will have to take a couple of hours of leave on Mondays to go to meetings. He told me about this. I have not said anything more about it since he went to nightshift. Also he said that he was going to schedule IC with my same councilor. I will wait and see what happens with that.

Anyway, we are enjoying the last night of spring break. DREAD the 5:45am wake up call though. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> lol

K

PS...I sometimes have that same fireman fantasy. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" />

I really like that you aren't responding to his plans. That shows respect that they are his plans. Please don't judge if this is H or WH...wait for time proven action.

Yep...you and I get up at the same time.

Have fun tonight...you sound rested and relaxed. Stay that way. Tomorrow's just another day, right?

LA

Since tax refund came in, I have been able to get my AD's filled and actually take them every day. So maybe that has helped me in my detachment. Not so emotional. However, I do feel different taking them. Almost calloused and I dont feel that tenderness I feel when I dont take them. So I dont know which is better.

Just veggin here. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

K

For now, I want the tenderness on the back porch, 'k?

Maybe you are feeling more objective than normal. Loving detachment is a good thing.

Glad you're doing some solid self-care. Hey, RC (reallyconcerned), a poster here, is reading Dr Harley's Control, Dependence and Identity...I thought about picking it up. Got any homework scheduled since your Spring Break is over?

LA

Its either detachment or dont care. lol Guess I will have to wait and see on that one.

Still have not finished the Codependant No More. Hard to get into it but will try and get it finished. It has been in the 80's here. Sunny. Spring. Real hard to do much of anything. Spring fever is bad sometimes. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Is this a new book of his? Or is this a book redone? Like the Buyers, Renters and Freeloaders? Haven't heard of this one.

K

I dunno if it is new or not. Sounds interesting.

Wish it was in the 80's here...snowed last night. I've got a blanket on my lap.

:::::

No wonder you had such a great week.

LA

My oldest son lives in Albuquerque. He called me this morning and said he had a blanket of snow there too. We have been wearing shorts all week. Sleeping with the windows open. Did DD swimsuit shopping. It is really really scary when DD is 13 and we could agree on a ONE-PIECE swimsuit. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I'm sorry you are still in winter. I was wishing for cooler weather here today. Not ready for that electric bill to turn on the "store bought air." <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

I will think of ya when I wash my car tomorrow in my shorts. lol

K

Oh, I get it...when you feel good, you just get mean.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

LOL!

You do that...and then come wash MY car in shorts and 30degrees and we'll be even.

Heehee...oh, she's a sassy spring breaker, she is!

LA