Just thought I update you guys about my journey since divorce.

It has been 7 months since divorce. In my last posting I mentioned about being confuse in my situation with bf. Somehow that has been sorted out.

I did consider breaking off with bf at one point or another. I was very confused with my feelings and blame quite a lot of stuff on bf. Bf got the brunt for all my past issues. He was very kind, strong and had the strength to tolerate my ups and downs. He told me he loves me and is committed to me no matter what. A great guy. Somehow I grew to love him more. His strength is in his commitment for the person he has chosen to care and love. It took sometime before I feel safe to say that it is true.

Of course he has his own faults too like everyone else and was even worse than ex in some ways. It took me sometime to realize that it is not bf that needed to change but me. I did not realize my expectation was so high up in the sky. Since the divorce I wanted everything to be right and fail to see that with expectation that high it will sure to create a lot of resentment. Sure enough it did. We argue about calls, about attention and about love. After awhile I had a dejavu. I wonder if I had fallen for the same “type” again. Only later I realize that it was not his fault but mine. I thought i fell for the same "type" because my expectation were still the same. It was "me" that needed to change.

I realize I had a lot of rejection issues and gets easily upset if things don’t go my way. I also had a lot of fears about relationship and had expectation on how a relationship should be like. There were still some nights when I cry for what was lost. Being in a Long distance relationship, bf is not usually around to comfort me. For awhile I thought this was a bad idea…but now I think this is the best healing process for me. Being apart I did not have to depend on bf much. I had to go through the healing process most of the time by myself yet bf is only a phone call away if really needed.

The pain is a healing process. It was not easy to sieve thru and find the truth. I always thought I knew everything by now about relationship and only to find out that I didn’t.

Its a humble experience this whole 1 year with bf. I learn more this whole year with bf than my whole life time.

Thank you zizzy, for this post. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

One thing I have learned is that we heal through relationships, all different kinds of relationships... in fact that is the only way we do heal. And in a romantic relationship, all of our unhealed wounds come crashing to the surface just so they can be dealt with and healed.

That is why it is very important to be choosey about who we get into a romantic relationship with, because we got "stuff" to go through yet.

I am happy you have found someone like you have, and that you are healing your old wounds.