... and after about 2 years, some ups and some downs, and a lot of work with a very good marriage counselor, I can say today that I'm falling back in love with my husband.

I faced some ridicule (some here) as to how pathetic it was to "stay just for the kids." But wiser people told me, "kids are a wonderful reason to stay in a marriage... just make sure you work on it." Dr. Harley told me kids were a great reason to stay and work on things. (We now have an excellent face-to-face counselor, who initially did not think we would make it. I told her for the sake of our children, I wanted to stay.) My H lived with knowing that I stayed just for the kids, but didn't think, "that's not enough, so that's it." His feelings were hurt, but he thought it was a good sign of some commitment and it gave him more time to reconnect with me on the level he wanted, and now that I want, as well.

Yup. I'm one who would have been long gone if we hadn't had children. But I'm still here and we're getting happier by the day now. I'm proud that I put my child's well-being before my own, because my gut instinct was to get out. I didn't love him and I didn't want to love him. I would have been happier if I had left, at least at first, but because I stayed to fight we have the happiest family we've had since the year my son was born.

I hope we lay a good foundation for him that staying married takes work, but it's a good thing. Today I thanked God for my son, who without ever knowing it and by virtue of just being, helped save me and my marriage.

It took a while, but we're getting there. We're really getting there.
Shellybird <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

This is wonderful to hear! It's nice to hear success stories. It gives hope to others. Take Care...

Jennifer

Thanks for sharing your success story!

My H is a BS who is staying for the kids. I appreciate you posting and giving hope!

Thanks again, and congrats on your happy marriage! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

YAY! That's freakin awesome!

Wonderful!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

This is SO great! Thanks for sharing!

And I agree (although I wouldn't have not so long ago): staying for the sake of the children doesn't need justifying. It is a wonderful reason. I don't mean staying on in misery, but staying on with a view to making it work, and deciding to make love an everyday choice, that's what it's all about. A big thumbs up to you both!

I have never understood why society in general seems so down on staying in a marriage 'just for the kids'. I guess people expect the relationship to remain static and unsatisfying forever, but that isn't how any relationship works. They all change, for better or for worse!

I'm a BS, and was willing to do anything to make our marriage work when my STBX told me about his A and that he was leaving. Unfortunately, our kids weren't a good enough reason for him to stay.

I really admire you. If my STBX were to call me up out of the blue and tell me he wanted to come home, I couldn't do it now.

Alph.

Congratulations and much applause on your decision to show how much you love your children.

I, too, am a BS who is staying for my children. My WW has had at least two affairs in the past several years and the only thing that is keeping me in the marriage right now is our children and a medical condition she has that is still being diagnosed. I want our marriage to work and am trying my best to save it, but the only reason I didn't give her the divorce she asked for is our kids. Funny thing that even though she begged me to file for divorce, she never was willing to file for it herself.

I would offer a word of counsel. My children are 15 and 16 (almost 17). After D-Day for the most recent affair, she tried to negotiate a "live as roommates" deal with me until the kids graduated, then she'd leave.

I said, "No", calling what I hoped was a bluff on her part. Either we live and work on the marriage while protecting the children and giving them a loving home, or we separate and love our children through it. I was willing to live as roommates for the sake of our children, but that would be the easy way out for my WW and I wasn't about to let her have that. Besides, I still love her and want to stay with her after our kids graduate high school.

I caution you to ensure you have some means or plan to survive after the kids leave should your WH decide that the kids are gone and so is he. You don't have to have elaborate plans, just a backup place to stay, funds and whatever else you need in case he decides to call it quits.

I don't believe this is "giving up" on the marriage or being too pessimistic about your chances. I am a firm believer in having contingency plans. I have my own credit cards (accounts she's not on) and bank account. She knows about these and I give her full access to the statements -- I'm not hiding anything. My wife has the same and it provides her some sense of security. We have joint accounts (where both our paychecks go every payday) that we share.

She knows I am staying for the kids while trying to piece our marriage back together. She is worried that I have a "larger plan" to dump her later. Despite my many assurances that I plan on growing old with her, she is still apprehensive. The ability to survive for a time without me is comforting to her and removes one more distraction from our recovery.

For what it's worth, protect yourself and your future.

Good luck.

I stayed for the kids too shelley. On the bad days I still do, but our marriage too is growing and improving ovrall. Society does not fete decency and commitment, but it should. Staying for the kids is an investment a BS will be blessed for IMO.

Thank you very much for sharing your story. I can't think of a better reason to stay in a M than children. As I've said before, any BS willing to stay in a M (for whatever reason) and give their FWS a second chance deserves the highest praise.

Your H is lucky to have you.

There's nothing wrong with staying for the children. I stayed for 8 years after D-day. But I finally had to end the marriage because my H would not end his relationship (EA) with the OW.
I am happy for you. Your children will benefit greatly.

Very proud of you, Shellybird.

thanks for sharing. this was very nice to read.

Well - I am another BS who stayed just for the kids. Had it been just me I would have been gone with no questions asked. My kids motivate me to keep trying even today (two years later), because although I do love my H it really isn't enough. Maybe at three years........