Yes I must agree with that. The things that have come out of WH mouth surpises me to this very day. I still laugh to myself when I think of some of the things that he has said because the people on the site told me he would say them and he did. I guess I also laugh because it beats crying any day.

My WH has been order to not spend the night in the house for 2 weeks that does put a damper on any recovery but I will keep plan A up. I do call him now and he calls me. That is a plus and his babble is almost gone.

I will be very happy when I hear that OW has moved out of the country.

I cried this weekend. Started off like always WH and me walking together at night. That is the only time we have together because of WH restiction to barracks. It started off the same him talking about bills that I am no longer allowed to look at. I don't understand why he keeps telling me about them. He does talk about them in disrespect just informing. I just say ok.

Then he goes into the money his is going to get for me and the girls. Then he says "well money is for the girls." I can't get a job here because we are moving in 4 months.

He still thinks it would be a good idea if I go back to Oregon my home state because he might not be around much in OK. I told him I go where he goes. And if he will get a legal separation then I will go to some other state. Oregon I love but I can not handle being that close to my mother right now. She has made a wedge that I don't even want to try and go through. She of all people should be supportive of me in any decision I make.

Later on that night WH calls and goes into the trust issue. He thinks that I will use anything he says to get him into trouble. He also thinks that because I started the ball rolling he got into trouble. Yes he admits his actions caused him to get punished but if I hadn't call around he would not have gotten caught.

I started to cry right there. He did not know I did but I said he really doesn't know me then. And I will have to wait till I can talk w/my husband. He didn't get it.

I get really frustated because he says he is trying that he takes me out on dates and we go for walks. I told him I thought he was doing it to show the Army that he is a good man and they might go easy on him.

I am getting really tired all the time because trying to look happy/positive is really draining. What did other people do?

Mhwag, it's still babble. The alien is still in charge and there's no sense expecting logic to come out. It just isn't going to happen. Plan A doesn't provide instant gratification; it's a process that works gradually over time. The four months you have to go in Europe is a long time...plenty of time for the plan to begin to take effect so try to stay patient.

The trust nonsense is something that comes up in most of the threads out here. "I will never trust you again,"...because you exposed his adultery! Normal human beings have an immediate reaction of "HUH?" but to aliens, it makes perfect sense. All you can do is chuckle (silently, to yourself) and babble right back at him. "Gee, honey, I'm really sorry your affair makes you not trust others." How does that sound? It doesn't make much sense, right? It should be perfect for the alien.

BTW, have you read Orchid's thread on reverse babble? If not, here it is:

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/cgi-bin/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic;f=37;t=019927

As far as the "dates" go, you should feel free to decline if it's going to be another walking/bill paying session. He's decided to take the bills to himself, all he wants to share is griping about them. That's not a good deal and you don't have to put up with it. How about letting him know since he took that away from you, you're not interested in hearing about those bills any longer. They are HIS things now, not something for the family as a whole anymore. Instead, for a date, tell him you're in the mood for wiener schnitzel or something. If he can't make that happen, tell him you're going to go out on a dinner date with friends/kids/whoever instead...and do it.

The fatigue is part of Plan A, sad to say. You're working on yourself, making yourself a more rounded person and more attractive to WH, but it's enervating. You feel like you're on stage all the time and you can't mess up any of the lines and that's a strain, I know. In Surviving An Affair, and various threads out here, the rule of thumb is to terminate Plan A when your energy, and love bank, get so low you can't do it anymore. That’s going to be different for each BS out here. I’d like to see more folks comment on this. We need more ideas. Hang in there, Lady. Don’t let the alien babble get you down.

Thanks Longhorn. I just didn't think the alien could still be around. WH comes around and sounds like his old self every once in a while.

As for the talks I don't mind talking/listening to him but he has been a downer talker and getting worse each time. Beig bummer.

He called last night to say that with all of the talks that we have been having, I don;t seem to talk much. I just talk about my day and the girls. Conversation from me is well hard. I don't really know what to talk about. He asked what are my goals, dreams, and future plans? At this very moment I am to tired to think like that. I don't want to blow him off but I can't think like that right now.

I have basic goals. Lose wieght and remember to brush my teeth. Dreams??? Future plans. Do plan A next day.

Like I said very basic. I don't belive I am a boring person but I don't go out of my way to do fantastic either.

What did BS's do when they where in limbo so to speak?

What t/d? Let the WS know that you as a BS are tired. Future plans are currently on hold. That the A stuff has worn you out and you need recuperative time. The longer the A goes on or you see signs (particularly attitudes), the longer it will take for you to heal.

Then put it back on him.....why is he asking and what r his plans?

L.

Ok with my mistrust and big imagination I have a big problem. I heard that OW who I know is leaving but leaving her 3 youngest DD that our from her current H. I have just heard that she is leaving them as in leaving them. I don't know how tshe can do this but she is. My BIG issue is that I feel WH might have known this and is planning to go toher when he gets out of the Army.

I have seen him checking out sites for her home state. And I have seen the letters he had written her. He said he is just going through the actions right now.

If he is saying he is trying what is it he should be doing. He can't write a NC letter or he will get in trouble w/ his unit. I want to talk to him about the Joint Policy of Agreement but I don't know how to approach it to him.

Try checking with Mortarman....he may know how to handle this better. IMHO, the NC letter is a requirement. R U sure his employment w/b in jeporady? This w/b a first for the military. The official stance w/b to end the A and the NC w/b a good thing. Make sure your WS isn't feeding you a bunch of bull.

As for his searching her area.....call him on it. Make sure you can follow through with any plans to strip him of his rights t/b w/your family.

He sounds very much like a desparate WS. Need to make the WS' life more miserable......he needs to wonder if he will have a family or just a stinky OW.

L.

NC letter will have to be sent vis 1st SGT, is a must, don't trust the mil version of NC. The only way it is enforced is if they get caught. No one is checking but you so chances of being caught? 0

Go for NC letter!

He got caught. He is now resticted to the barracks and on extra duty for 2 weeks. Lost some pay too. All because he contacted her. Him writting the letter will break that NC order by his command.

He just called and wants to go for a walk/talk again. Do you think I should tell him about my feelings on him leaving me after he gets out. I am tired of being so nice all the time.

Seems like that extra duty isn't enough. He still has time to browse around pining after the OW. His command needs to know they are allowing him time to make plans to break up his family.

I still don't agree about the NC letter. But I am not there..... so if there is no NC to write, then what will he do to prove NC 2 u?

L.

NC can be written, contact his 1st Sgt and ask shirt to read it, explain why it is needed and ask shirt to deliver it. My FWW gave me same crap, but apparently forgot my 24.5 yrs of service, I also know the rules and stood up to her and her 1st shirt, hospital weenies think AF rules don't apply to them. Once I did above shirt quit sitting on it delivered it talked to other shirt and OM got it.

He did the browsing before the Article 15. I think I will talk to the 1st SGT. I do know this will pi$$ off WH he hates it when I talk to his unit.

I hate that he thinks that I am out to get him in trouble all the time.

I have figered out that conversation is not one off my top 5 needs but I do like to listen when it comes to him. I will try and talk more tonight but I still don't know what to talk about. I did tell him on the phone that he doesn't need to talk to me about the bills any more because they are no longer my problem.

When he gets mad because you are talking to the unit just tell him you are working on M AND saving his career. Nothing more.

Wow That was a walk. WH and I talked about alot of stuff. I told him I really don't think he is trying to work on M because of what I read in his emails. The big ting he is saying is that what I did that weekend to start the ball rolling by calling his commander was "detrimental to our M"
because I went to the unit with nothing.

I asked him if he could say what he did that weekend was healthy for our M. I told him I could say that. I refuse to take blame for exposing it to the world. But how do I get that through to the WS.

I told him if he moves back into the house I would see that as trying. He says he would not feel comfortable sleeping in the same room as me. Did other WS when they moved back sleep somewhere else.

As for the money thing he says he was told to split it up for safety reasons. I really don't care about the money it's just he didn't drop the subject either.

I am not sure that these walk are doing anything. I guess I just don't see them as realty.

Everyone here on this site has been most helpful and I am glad for that. I have very few friends that understand what I am doing. Even my own mother has pushed me to far. Did anyone else have to deal with family while going though all this?

Hang in there Mhwag,

My family is so irate at WW that they want me to file D, sole custody of DS 1 and kick her to the curb. My brother and I almost came to blows over this (not really). He is really angry at her (he11 more than I am I think) and wants her to get it good. It is hard to explain to others that haven't been there what you are trying to do, feeling, etc. They wonder why you would even want to try with a WS and the way they act. To be honest, I ask myself that question sometimes and then I look at my DS 1 and DSD 9 lying beside one another and know why.

Thank you H.A.P, that I do understand. Before all this happened I did not think I was such a great mother. But during all of this my DD's and I have gotten so close that I see what the fight is for everyday. Good Luck to you.

Came from IC and then asked if WH wanted some lunch he said ok. I went to his office and talk started off light then he asked a big question. "What are your feelings for me?" I said that was a big question."

WH"Well then do you love me?"

BS"I am not sure I can answer that now. Can you?

WH"Yes I can."

BS "I don't want to know."

WH "I can't see myself falling in love with you. You say that I don't try and that we don't spend enough time together. How much more do you need? I wasn't living with you when I fell in love with you before."

BS "How long do you think it will take for us to figure out if we should be together or not."

WH"Months."

BS " We just need to work on how we are going to work on it."


I have no idea on what I am doing. Does any one have a clue. I am not sure if I am to start recovery because I feel I don't know how.

His IC says MC is not a good idea right now. What to do?