Hubby came to visit our 15 year old. He wanted to take her out but she wouldn't go and so they stayed here at home. I made myself scarce and he didn't see me until he was leaving when I went to ask how his father was doing (he's in the hospital). He answered me and I thanked him for the info and walked away.

He followed me and asked if I needed anything. While my brain was screaming "I need to to come to your senses, I need you back, I need us to fix this marriage and help our daughters" my mouth simply and politely said no thanks everything is under control. He just stood there looking at me, saying nothing and finally he asked if I wanted him to pick daughter up for school today. I told him kindly, no, that she really doesn't like him to take her as it upsets her and she doesn't like to go to school upset. He looked really sad.

We stood there for what seemed an eternity, neither saying a word. I wanted to beg him to come back but I didn't. I stood my ground quietly. My daughter called him and he told me good bye. I went down to the laundry room and sat in a chair crying softly as I didn't want to upset my daughter. Then hubby, who I thought had left, came down to see if I was ok. Again he seemed as if he wanted to say something but just didn't. We went back upstairs and he said he was leaving. I basically ushered him out the door and locked it behind him. He sat outside in his car for about 15 minutes.

I don't know what any of this means. Is he having regrets or is he trying to tell me he's filing for divorce? I'm scared but trying to be strong. Should I ask him if he's filing?

He may be ata breaking point. Anything further would just be guessing. Stay strong and do not cave in. Next time if he seems this way I would say yes? -like you are waiting for him to say something. If nothing is said at this point walk away. This is a hard time. I hope someone who is bettter than me gives you advise. I will pray for you.

Good job not lovebusting. Excellent.

The only thing you could have done better in Plan A - and this is VERY DIFFICULT and what I am about to say is NOT a criticism - is to be upbeat and confident.

His reactions are typical of aliens with scrambled brains. Trying to figure out what he's thinking is futile. Don't try. Just try to find the dark humor in an otherwise good man making a fool of himself.

Please summarize your actions on exposure and your thoughts on going to Plan B.

WAT

Thanks for the answers. Upbeat and confident don't seem to be part of me lately but I swear I'm trying.

I have completely exposed, to his family, my family, his friends and mine, his boss. my attorney, my oldest daughter and anyone else who would listen. Her husband already knows.

As for Plan B, if I understand it correctly, I am to avoid all contact with him until she affair ends and a plan for recovery is agreed upon and I should write him a letter to that afffect. Honestly, from November, when I was led to this site, when things got strange and I suspected another woman was involved, I did an impeccable Plan A. No angry outbursts, no judgments. no demands and I tried to meet all his needs even though he refused to vocalize them. I really thought it was working. Things were better and he wasn't staying late "at work" any more. We were doing family things and everything seemed headed in the right direction.

Try as I may, I cannot remember how it came up, but he and I were here alone and I said something about "things being ok now". He immediately replied that things were now ok now and nothing had changed since November and that he isn't happy. I was truly shocked. Two weeks later he was gone.

I think I fear Plan B but I am working on a letter and I will follow through if need be. I do know that if he were to ask to return now, I would say no until some agreement was reached and a counseling appointment is made.

Thanks again for helping.

I think Plan B is perfect for your sitch right now.

Plan B gives you the control and you get to avoid scenes like last night - making it easier on you. Plan B says, "You decided to separate. It's now MY decision to STAY separated - and I mean REALLY separated - until you're ready to work on the marriage."

And doing so would be very wise of you.

Please read up on Plan B and ask questions to allow us to help you sort it out. I really, really think this is what you ought to do now.

Right now he has you as a safe haven. His actions display that. Plan B sets him adrift and he'll be forced to find his safe haven someplace else, and it won't be as nice.

Please don't get me wrong - Plan B is all about YOU and isolating YOU from the pain and confusion. But its affect on a fence sitting WSs - or even one who thinks he/she is free of the fence - can be significant and should not be ignored.

WAT

I don't know how to be in plan B with my daughter upcoming wedding. I know it's what I have to do though and I'm working on my Plan B letter today. I've read everything I can find on it.

Just got off the phone with my attorney and he said "I hope you can fix this but if not we can take care of it quickly and painlessly with a disillusion" HA! Guess he's never been betrayed and cheated on.

Well, you are right there. It's not going to be quick and painless, whether you save your marriage or divorce.

Please post your letter before you send it. When is your daughter getting married?

I will post my letter, probably tonight or tomorrow. It hard to write it and I have to keep stopping.

My daughter is getting married in September and it's a large wedding. No fun planning a wedding and a possible divorce at the same time.