Here's my story in a nut shell: married 5 1/2 years, together 10 1/2 years. I'm a insecure, sensitive person who recently found out some things about H's past that I'm not dealing well with. We had some dealing with past pornography use (which I'm not ok with), he said he would not look at any anymore, denied having it, and then I found it. this was in July. I asked him to just stop lying to me, to be honest from then on. he agreed. A few weeks later I accidentally openned a credit card bill thinking it was mine. I saw that he had gone out to Hooters several times during a week that we were getting alone alright. He even used his debit card once, but wrote something else in his check book. This brought me to the question of have you been to strip clubs. he said not while we were married, but a few before. I pursued the question, and he admitted to having gone once the summer before last.
I'm crushed, my insecurities have deepened, and I don't trust H. He easily and straight to my faced lied to me. he says he wants to be and has been honest with me, and that all of his "skeletons" are out. I don't believe him. I want to, but I don't.
I just don't know what to do. He doesn't seem sorry, and doesn't feel like he did anything wrong. To him it was in the past and no big deal. To me its a really big deal, I'm hurt. I can't stand the thought of my H looking at, touching, etc. another woman (he admitted to putting $ in g-strings). I know it's wrong for me to want him to feel bad about something that he doesn't, but I also think it is unfair for him to want me to just deal with it and get over it when he has done nothing to help me feel better about the past.
I don't even want to celebrate Valentines day and I don't want him to get me anything.
I apologize if I don't reply right away, I'm at work and I'm not supposed to be on the internet, but I needed to get this off my chest and get some advice.

I think there is a big difference in Hooters and a strip club and pornography. Hooters has servers in shorts, but other than that is a regular restaurant.

The strip club/pornography stuff is different, especially when he has agreed not to do it.

How is he at meeting your needs in the marriage?

I was using the Hooters thing to illistrate his lack of honesty when he said he was going to be honest. At any other time that I wouldn't be extra sensitive, i wouldn't have cared, as long as he told me he was going.

Since H&O is my #1 EN, it really has not been being met. My #2 is affection, and I have to remind him that I like getting a hug when he gets home, so I don't REALLY feel like that one is getting met.

I think that you need to find a marriage counselor. Your husband is not being honest, and doesn't seem to care about your feelings. You will have a hard time convincing him that he is behaving poorly. He needs to hear it from a counselor.

If he refuses to go, the go to individual counseling.

He probably wouldn't listen to the couselor. He claims that he has told me everything, but I just have a nagging suspicion that he has not. I sometimes wonder if I am obsessing too much, and being paranoid. I just don't know what to believe. I also fear that if I start seeing a counselor individually, then he'll feel that I am the one with the problem.

Of course you don't know what to believe when he is continuing to lie. How could you?

You ARE the one with the problem. Your husband is doing just fine, continuing his porn, etc.