just visiting Target and saw the Valentine card aisle. So I went over there to see if I could find a card for my FWH. It really depressed me...no card saying I love you so much, but you broke my heart and it's going to take time <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />
Just kidding, but seriously, cant seem to find a card that works....settled on finding one to give to him from the kids. Anyone else having this problem and what are you doing? DD has been really sick so it has put a damper on any plans that we may have been having (actually i am a little relieved, hard to pretend that i am completely smitten right now)

LT

Hi Losttiger,

Haven't looked for the Valentines Day cards, yet but had a hard time at Christmas....somehow the To My Loving Husband cards were not appopriate...LOL..

I'm hoping that I will find a generic one that will focus on our future...my other thought is to look in the "between you and me" cards...they have them for Troubled Relationships, etc and they usually have one that will work...You can just write Happy Valentines day on the inside.

Or just buy a blank one and write your own card...

Funny, I was about to post about this subject myself. I was in the card aisle today and got sooo sad when I couldn't find one that didn't say 'what a wonderful husband you've always been, etc...' Truth is, 2 months ago I would have had no problem buying one of them..now, they just make me sad...I finally settled on a simple one that didn't praise his 'loyalty' and just had a simple verse in it...
I actually got teary eyed looking at the cards, but not because they made me feel sentimental..they made me feel sad for what's been lost forever...

i can't even go near the valentine cards without crying

Personally, I'm looking forward to Valentine's Day. I'm going to spend all of the money that I used to waste on WH, on ME.

I don't know what I'm going to do. Usually a dozen red ones, card, etc... This year???????? Cards and flowers don't always have the desired effect sometimes "Oh, Thank you." Others "this is over the top." and a TON of attitude.

Actually not too keen on even going home tomorrow after work, but have nowhere else to go, and the kids would be very hurt, so I'll probably get a few flowers for WW, cards and candy for the kids.

I'm pretty sure WW will do nothing, as whenI asked what she had planned, in relation to something romantic, she said "I don't know, we'll see." Past experience tells me we'll see means "not only NO, H3LL NO!!!!!!!!"

Wow same thing happened to me at Christmas just a couple weeks after dday. I am so grateful that we are together and recommitted to each other but so sad about never being able to say "we always"..."he always". Even when we are old and gray I will always have that knowledge of an OW who had his attention (at the very least) during a few months of our M. I know I should be happy about the good this has brought us but the card aisle and the long gone "always" that I always thought was there are tough for me too!

Some years ago, STBX bought me a lovely minitature red rose tree. It's always been a tough little plant - I haven't taken the best care of it, but it's survived.

Last year, he bought me another one - it was sickly from the first - diseased and mealy and looked like he'd picked it out in a real hurry from a shoddy gas station display because there were black exhaust marks on it (I guess he'd picked it up on the way home from OW's place). After he left, a few months later, it died.

I still have the first one. The new one went in the trash months ago.

I won't be buying anything this year - or receiving anything either. But I still have my first little rose tree.

Alph.

Alph - That reminds me of my WH. Right before D-day, he bought me some flowers and they were DEAD!!!!!! I mean, I don't know where he got them (must have been out of the trash), they were completely wilted. I know we are supposed to show admiration, but heck, they were so obviously dead that I mentioned it to him. He gave me the old "poor me" story, how he tried to please me, blah, blah, blah.

My H wasn't one to give flowers to much and usually we didnt over celebrate the day, all i ever asked him for was for him to write me something nice (he is a great writer and can put into words things that he normally doesnt say) but last year he gave me a card with a stupid..Roses are red verse..obviously no thought and last minute. He said he was working on a poem...but it feels...forced, you know. Like he couldnt do it all the other years and now, i am suppposed to be so gratefull for the words i've been wanting to hear for years. Flowers only make me sad now, because i know that he sent them two times to her. All the LOVE cards remind me that love is not "forever" and "enduring" and "faithful" and "honest" that hallmark can take this holiday and ....well you know what it can do with their cards <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" />....oooh sorry for the rant there.

It won't always be like that.

I used to hate romantic songs. But I got over it.

Sounds good to me Believer... Planning on hitting Wal Mart on Wed for Valentine candy ... 50 percent off !!!

Best regards - carnation

Well, I'm going to pamper myself tomorrow. But I do have a weakness for boxed chocolates, and I hate to pay full price. So maybe I'll splurge on Wednesday.

I have not even gone down the Valentines aisle in any store.

I always got my WH a nice card and some kind of stuffed animal. He always loved that. I just could not bring myself to even look at the stuff this year. He would get me a card and beautiful flowers everyyear and we would have a nice dinner somewhere. This year will definatley be different. No acknowledgement on either one of our parts, first time in 25 yrs.

In fact today is his birthday and it was 25 yrs ago today we met. Hard to believe where we are now...


Hurting

Cards are going to hard to find this year. Asked husband what he wanted for VD? He said nothing. This is different from the list he gave a couple of days ago. Hopefully something will jump out at me.

There are cards for "Troubled Relationships" - don't look in the Valentine's aisle, look a bit beyond that. I found several at my local drugstore a few months ago, and it was not a particularly big store.

No infidelity in my marriage, but I wanted a card that said something like "I know I've been a [censored] for years and thank you for staying with me until I saw the light". And I found one that pretty much said that.

Maybe you should make your own card - you can insert pix, etc., and can easily make one using your PC and color printer.

Cuthbert, I have a question for you if you don't mind sharing: are you a FWH? I know you said there was no infidelity, but were you the one who wanted to end your M? I am really interested in hearing FWH's views, but so far only one has given me his feedback.... I don't think there are many FWH's who are posting here, but if you do not mind, can you visit my thread?

Hi, milkshake. No, I am not a FWH. Up to a little over a year ago, I was completely wrapped up in a hobby, and lied to my wife about our finances all the time. She'd had enough and was getting ready to divorce me when I found out. She was also carrying on an inappropriate friendship with an old boyfriend, thankfully she refused to allow it to turn into an EA. (Believe me, I've been at MB a year, and I've investigated and fully satisfied myself that is the case.)

She wanted to end the marriage, but when I realized how unhappy she was, I stopped LoveBusting and started trying to meet her ENs. Then I found out about MarriageBuilders, and saw that there was a rational basis for what I was doing. She gave me a second chance, and I've tried to make the most of it.

I have recently thought, though, that in a way my behavior mirrored that of a WH, only with my stupid obsessive hobby taking the place of an OW. And some of what I've done to turn things around has been analogous to what a WS might do to try to repair the relationship - I've gone NC on my hobby, for example (gave it up completely), and have made myself fully accountable and transparent.

I'll check your thread out and see if I have anything to offer, although almost all of my posting here has been at the Emotional Needs board...

Well, I survived....barely. I ended up being sick with a fever the whole day, curled up on the couch with blankets and lots of TV. (thank you to my DD who has been sick for the last three weeks and spread it to me) or was this a sign? I didn't give my FWH anything, but he did come home with little gifts and cards for the kids, and he got me some chocolate covered strawberries and a card. The card sent me into a crying fit....he probably thinks that it was because it was so sweet, which it would have been if he hadnt cheated on me. It is so hard to believe the words when there has been so many lies.