Just wondering what's on everyone's "potential mate check list"
What attributes are important now?
What red flags would send you running from someone?

I think many of us have learnt that we cannot no matter how much we want or how hard we try, can we change a person, so our "picker" better be well tuned, this next time around.

We have posted about this before, but I still love the subject! I continually learn and change, like I posted on my other thread. Some will say it's completely up to you!
I wanted to know the same thing you are asking here, but it really is a personal thing. Like I said, the more I learn about myself the more I realize the type of person I NEED to have in my life. (I don't mean I need HIM, I mean there are certain characteristics he NEEDS to posess to make it with me... make sense?!)
The big red flag deal breakers are obvious to me, but here are some that I'd like to have in a man. Now, I know I won't find a guy that has everything on my list. But I have to determine what I can comprimise on:

Some of the things on my list:
Christian
Patient
attentive
assertive-be able to stand up to me (because I'm pretty strong in my opinions!)
smart
funny
active-in shape
employed
sensitive
realistic
goal oriented
confident
good communicator
responsible
financially stable
faithful
loyal
musical (I'm a musician and LOVE music)
respectful
outdoorsy
etc etc etc, but you get the idea!

Might I suggest a book? It's not Dr Harley, but there is a new book by Dr Phil (and I love him) called "Love Smart"
It talks about this very thing-that you need to know what you are looking for before you can find that "right" guy.
I've not read it all, but I'm diggin it!
Good luck! I remember going through this not so long ago!
I hope others will post!

HEY HURT! Remember me? Ali88??? I have not been able to log on for soo long and had get a new screen name. How are you doing?

My divorce will be finalized any day now. Whoohoo! I am free I am free. No more hurt from Mr. Meanie and I am happy.. do dee dee dooo dooo! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Love to hear from you.

Ali

Ali88 - Sure I remember you - sounds like you are doing GREAT... Unfortunely, I am unlike you, I am in the same spot as I've been for almost 3 years now..it's own fault.

WH mentioned putting our home up for sale and I'm hoping he follows thru. I think it will push me to move one and let go of someone that so blantantly doesn't love me.

Latest is, his MOW's BS threw her out but she still works at our business.

Maybe, I'm just feeling down today since I know he spent a bunch of cash for Valentine's Day on her or some other bimbo - but "ithurts". Noone will be wishing me a Happy VD and I deserve more.

I met someone a couple weeks ago, seemed nice, but I had to tell him - I'm M, I don't date...I guess I'm getting tired of saying that...

HUGS

Oh, what is the significance of "88"??

Well Hello Hurt!

YES! I am doing great! Met this wonderful guy after dating a bunch of weeds and he is everything I want in a person. And to top it off, good looking too. Very rare combination if you ask me.

The almost soon to be ex is extremely vindictive and trying to put a wedge between my new found happiness. He had found someone already. And she is waiting until the papers are signed and good to go so she can "have" him. She is an idiot. I had spoken with her for misc reasons and she came from an abusive relationship and her ex cheated on her too. I said to her knowing what my ex has done to me, you are willing to date him? She basically said to me that I was liar. I said to her "you know what? you deserve him then." "Go for it and get him out of my hands." Jeesh! But he is using the kids as pawns to prevent me from going out. I haven't told him directly that I am dating but I am sure he figured it out. He is an a$$.

The hardest part for me was confronting my fear. I thought long and hard about what I needed to do. I looked at my kids and thought I have got to do something about this and get out. Dating actually helped me realize that I was treated by my ex like a piece of garbage and gave me what a taste of what it is like to be respected. After that? I filed for divorce. I found out if you stop resisting your fear and face it head on..things WILL fall into place. You have to ask yourself what you want and what you need. So far so good. It is still a bumpy road though. The ex is doing everything possible to control me still. I HATE HIM! And I rarely hate anyone.

Are you still hanging out in the barn? Since my friend moved further away, it is difficult for me to get over to her barn. I am in school and my youngest has weird preschool hours so it is hard for me to drive 30 minutes and tack up and ride and well, you know how long it takes. 3 hours can't do it. And that is including the drive.

88? My great friend Gingersnap, you remember her on here, she asked me why 88 too? I was trying find something that connected with Ali. Which I should have let it go because that ties in with the ex. Ehhhhhhhh!My favorite number is also 8 so ties in that too!

As for VD? Don't think about it. I know for many years that empty feeling. Two years ago at this time, it was killing me. Triggers, triggers and triggers. Now? I look at this day as a get rich scam for all the advertisers and retailers. Try to think of it as another day. Or go out and give your friends, family, kids, VD presents. Don't forget the horse too. It will make you feel better and make you have better spirits. Or if you really want to get to your WS, go to adoringyou.com.. and send him an e card. You'll see the ones that I am talking about.

OK I have to pack as my house it going to be on the market in a matter of days. One less thing that the A$$ can control me on. Once this house is gone.....the very last thread is broke. All I have is the kids and I was awarded full custody.

If you want, I can give you my eddress and you can email me

Ali~


Ali~