One last note - a reply from JWoman brought up the idea that he indeed could be having these feelings of - well - no intimate feelings for me anymore-- for reasons that are not soley connected to the EA. His feelings of alienation and dissatisfaction actully grew over time due to all our love busting and then the EA presented itself - and that made everything worse -- feelings of alienation towards me more intense.. and here we are.
If that is the case - which in my heart - I believe it is - I need some help on next steps...
JHLP,
Plan A tells you everything you need to know in order to make him fall back in love with you. However, this will NEVER happen unless you kill his current affair. So regardless of whether the affair caused him to lose love for you, he'll never love you again until this affair is over.
It's your choice to not expose to the OWH. However, keep in mind that if they continue their affair in secrecy, they may reach the point where they have sex and/or decide to leave you both and live together. At that point, your opportunity for exposure will be lessened and their feelings for each other will be stronger.
If you are comfortable taking that risk, its your choice.
In my case, I told my WW's family and my family. That immediately ended her 'fantasy' and smacked her across the face with 'reality'. Thank God that I ended her affair before they had sex.
One last thing: How would you feel if thought your marriage was doing ok, yet the husband of a friend knew otherwise? How would you feel if that person decided not to tell you that your marriage was in danger? This is what you are doing to the OW's husband. You are deliberately putting his marriage in danger by NOT telling him.
Good luck.
