An update.....

The woman I met online a couple of months ago has invited me to her home for the weekend. We have met a couple of times, and talk almost every night on the phone. So we have a really nice relationship going...

So, back to the invite. She told me she trusts having me over, and it is a long drive, so I do appreciate that. I am going to feel somewhat awkard when it comes time to go to bed!!!

I am not going into this weekend looking to score or anything like that. I really like this person and want to make sure she has a very enjoyable weekend with me.

I guess I need to know... what would the women on this forum expect from this weekend? I am sure some will think me staying with her is not proper, and I can appreciate that viewpoint. But I do want some objective views on what can I do so this person has a very nice weekend with me?

Recommend that you stay elsewhere?

Or, state your expectations from the start so that she knows that sex is not on your agenda.

BHINWI-
I agree. Stay at a hotel. You will have a place for yourself to feel more comfortable and I'm sure she will appreciate your respect for her.
NEXT visit may be a better time. You are sending her a HUGE message by having your own boundaries, as well as respecting hers.
Even if the opportunity arose, I would say pull yourself away and not, you know. It will make it even sweeter!
My thoughts...

I'll try to answer that.

Weekend plans: I wouldn't expect her to make all the plans unless she really wants to do this. At least offer to plan something for Saturday night as a date night. Maybe you can ask her for a few suggestions, and then take it from there.

Also, ask her if there is something she would really like to do during the day, like go hiking or golfing or whatever. Then make sure you have what you need (proper shoes, if you do that sort of sport) to enjoy that time with her.

General conduct: If you don't already know, ask her one or two questions about how she likes to spend her weekends. Does she sleep in? Does she like to have brunch on Sunday?

I would bring a small gift as a thank you for having you as a guest. It doesn't have to be big at all.

The rest of the debate I will leave to the experts. I am sure you will be a gentleman. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Stay somewhere else. Does she have children?

I had considered visiting a male friend once, that could have possibly had some feelings involved.
He had asked me if I came, would I stay with him, and my reply was no, I would stay in a hotel.
It just seemed more "right", whatever right is anymore.

My 2 cents, for the first time, stay elsewhere.

Good Luck and enjoy your time together.

Karona

Boy, I am suprised! Now I don't know what to say to her as I agreed.

I think Cinderalla has the best suggestion at this point, that sex is not on the agenda. I need to "tactfully" let her know that.

To be very honest, I don't think she has sexual intentions either. She has told me several times that we have become very good friends and she wants to see how things progress over time.

Totally agree with the others...go but have a room already reserved and paid for at a hotel near by. That will speak volumes about your integrity.

Keep us updated and enjoy your weekend!! May it be the first of many!!

Simply tell her you are going to get a room as you want her to feel that you are not after that and you can meet back up in the morning. It will give you an opportunity to pick up some coffee and for her to get up, clean up and not feel pressured because you are there.
It shouldn't be a big deal. I personally would feel so much better, even if I did extend the offer!
You asked!! You weren't ready for these answers, huh? funny! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />
It will take pressure off of both of you, trust me!

That's been said before by others with the same intentions. I'm sure neither of you have that as your priority in meeting (at least this time) but things can easily get out of hand. Also, depending on her neighbors, staying overnight could make it awkward for her in that sense. If, as you said, you want to get to know each other "over time" then do just that - take your time.

Maybe you could stay at a Marriott and tell her you're saving up Marriott member points for your honeymoon!

This is not a stupid question.

Well..., how do you feel about being a guest in here house? If YOU would rather not have to deal with that part of it stay elsewhere.

If the house guest part is fine for you, go.

You may want to reassure her that sex is not something you think appropriate now. How? That's the harder part isn't it. Maybe an email, or over the phone or in a card with a small gift you give her for having you as a guest. Maybe keep it light, "Dear potential love interest, you can trust me to be a gentleman, & I'm sure I can trust you to be a proper lady."

As for planning things...do you know her area? Looking up on line to find a nice restaurant for Sat. evening would be nice. Movies are easy enough to find online as well, music, art galleries, maybe there's an interesting museum in the area...

Hmmmm. I must be old fashioned. I wouldn't invite a gentleman to stay at my home unless sex WAS on the agenda.

BHINWI,

First (waving) "HI!" I'm pleased to see you maybe have a lady-friend, and just so you know, I'm not surprised at all. You are a wonderful person, and it was only a matter of time until some wonderful lady saw that.

Second, regarding this whole weekend thing. Maybe it's just me, but I've seen photos of some of the houses in your area, and they are DARN big. I guess I was envisioning sort of an innocent, "you can sleep in the guest room to save you a little money" kind of invitation...and the guest room is downstairs and her room is upstairs.

Here's the thing, BHINWI, you are an honorable gentleman, and I trust your intentions. I don't know this lady at all, but from what you've said, she sounds potentially trustworthy as well. I suggest that you talk to her about it right up front. Don't be shy or speak in "innuendo"--just speak right up: "I appreciate your offer to sleep in the guest room and save the money and the drive time...that is so thoughtful of you! It's one of the many things I'm beginning to really like about you. But I want to make sure we are on the same page about this weekend. I would LOVE to come up there by you, and spend two whole glorious days in your presence! But (insert name here), I am a gentleman, and I do not intend to take advantage of your generousity. If I accept this offer, I am bringing pajamas and will go to bed in the guest room, and treat you with the respect that you deserve...and it's not that I don't find you attractive! Holy smoke I sure do!! But I want to behave properly and respectfully. Now, if we are mature enough to stop before we get carried away and just enjoy each other's company for the weekend, then I will agree. But if you think even for a second that you might not be able to resist me (heehee) then I will do the gentlemanly thing and get a hotel room to maintain your honor."

BHINWI, I don't mean this mean, but this is the woman you are considering dating, becoming involved with, and maybe one day becoming sexual with. You need to be able to talk to her openly and freely about all things.

So, good luck, and I hope you two have a WONDERFUL, romantic weekend!!


FNCJ

Here is my update....

We spoke before the visit and she let me know I would be in the guest bedroom. I still felt a little awkward but she invited me, I agreed so thought what the heck...

So.... Went up yesterday and she has a beautiful home. We hung out in the afternoon, she made a wonderful dinner and watched a movie. When we put the movie in, she grabbed a blanket and snuggled up next to me. At first, it felt a little uncomfortable to be snuggled up to her. We have been "friends" for over 2 months and then all of sudden this beautiful woman is snuggled up next to me. But, by the end of the movie, it felt very, very nice.

After the movie, she got me situated in the guest room, and I gave her a quick kiss goodnight. It was probably the worst kiss a woman has ever got cause I was so nervous about it.

This morning, we went out to breakfast and I headed home...

We talked a lot yesterday about our divorces, the emotional roller-coaster and the healing process. We both agreed that neither of us want to jump into anything serious but just see how things play out. After we talked about that, we really seemed to get more comfortable with each other.

She is so intelligent, so pretty and just so nice. But, with all those wonderful attributes, I am glad I have not "flipped" for her. The last thing I need to is to rebound and fall flat on my face. But I do think about her a lot....

Keith

Good for you Keith! I am glad all went well. And yes, take it very very slowly. I am getting ready to be looking at dating too. Ugh! I too have done the eharmony thing... Can't believe it but I did. I am in a very very small town and put I would look within a 120 mile radius. Well, I have had only 2 matches and only one with which I have been communicating. It is wierd but I am being very cautious and taking it slow. Not ready to just dive head first into another relationship. In fact, I have set a rule for myself, if I start talking with someone, we can move into phone talk, then we can meet and I don't want to meet anyone for 6 months. I know that sounds long, but I really want to communicate and get to know someone before taking that meeting plunge. So far the man seems nice enough. But we have only emailed a short time. I have sent a photo, he has not yet. (he does not have a computer, checks in on his work one) He said he will get one to me asap. Anyhoo, I am thread jacking here! I am glad for you. We, all of us here who are divorced or are divorcing, we are going to find the happiness we deserve, I do believe that. mlhb

This sounds great, congratulations! I'm curious, how long has she been divorced?

AGG

Sounds like your handling this potential relationship very wisely Keith. Good for you!


Enjoy and good luck!

Karona