I know I have a thread on here but figure I would save that for my rant and rave and I am so mad feeling, and set this one for what is going on inside me. And maybe some suggestions on how to control some of things I feel.

I hated the out of blue feeling that came over me last night. The weekend was going great, didnt think about OW or OC at all. H was sooooo super sweet and when he made love to me he really paid alot of attention to me. Right after we was done and cuddling in bed while we drifted to sleep, I was thinking how sweet he was over the weekend and BAM! this thought popped in my head..... why was he being so nice??? What is he hiding from me??? Did something happen and is he trying to be so nice cause he felt guilty. Of course I got scared, and I tossed and turned, and got up and walked the floor trying to think was there a sign I missed????

My H ONS was almost a year and half ago, and he has been really sweet and really trying to make it up to me the entire time, at first I thought the extra sweetness would eventually fad away but it never has, he holds my hand when we walk thru a store or in the car, when I cook supper he sits in the kitchen and talks to me about our day or he helps me cook sometime if I am needing the help. I go to sleep with his arms around me and I wake up to find them still there. And it is not just a act or doing it out of guilt (which I know he suffers from alot) I have the gut feeling that he wants to be there and enjoys doing it all.

So how come do I know he enjoys being with me, that he does love me and that he is very sorry but out of the blues this stupid feelings coming rushing in and gets me upset again??

It tears my heart out not trusting him 100% and especially since he is doing everything in his power and beyond to earn that trust again. But I cant stop the feelings that seem to rush in every once in while.

Does anyone have a trick they use to push these feelings down when they just out of the blue appear???

Thunderstorm..

The OC in my life was born 5/05.

I have never seen him. It is a small town, I'm sure I will someday. I shudder at the thought of losing composure. I have tried very hard to maintain as much dignity and grace throughout this.. It's been hard.

Lessons have been learned.

I could have written your posts even today. The "times" come less often, but they are there.... "triggers", they call them.. My mind is my worst trigger, too.

Just this past week, I sought counsel with a member of the clergy...and elderly, well-respected man.

He told me that my "forgiveness" for my H is due to the fact that he has shown repentence.. a human need. OW has not. She has never even offered.

It would be wrong of me to wish her ill-will, but understandable... and I am to waste no more time on "her" in my mind. When the thoughts come about, I pray for help..

He advised me further to "turn" those thoughts over to God. God knows everything that has happened.

Is this hard? Oh yes... I want desperately to know the OW in my life feels remorse as well.

Further advice from him told me that some people are so miserable within themselves that they don't even see it. They will never acknowledge it. He told me... she doesn't matter. She is not my friend, and God doesn't expect me to see her as such.


I know that's hard to swallow right now.

You can do this, if you truly want to.

We'll help here.

Blessings,

Eibrab

Thunder - I too have those feelings. My H's affair was almost 1 year ago, and I still wonder....he has been great, but any little deviation from the norm, and I'm wondering...I guess it comes with the territory. Don't feel bad....your not alone.

Hi. I have also been having these thoughts. I am seeing a therapist every week and she mentioned something called EMDR which stands for Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing. It is supposed to reduce the affects of trauma (i.e. when your H told you etc). The idea is that you feel certain things about yourself when you think of the trauma and after this type of therapy you are supposed to have replaced these bad thoughts with good thoughts and although you will still remember the trauma, it won't be as painful. I just started it and it does seem to help (although I am quite a skeptic so we'll see). I just figure it won't hurt. Anyway, if you want, you just do a quick google search for EMDR and you can read about it.