Hello,
I have been married for 9 years and have been recently told by my wife that she sees me as a friend and nothing more. We have two children and by all accounts (mine anyway) have had a happy successful life together. I have been accused of trying to "fix" the situation etc. She thinks counseling will not provide any solution to how she feels. She has asked for her space and I have tried to give it. I have felt like a stranger in my own home seemingly doing everything to hold my family together while she waits for a miraculous answer. I have been going to counseling for one month and while it has given me more insight to myself, a line of constructive communication has not opened up between my wife an I.
I know that I am not the only one in this situation, so how does anybody do it? This has emotionally devastated me and the the thought of my family splitting up over something that can't even be described by her is overbearing. My kids don't deserve this and I can't stand the thought of not seeing their everyday of life while they grow up. Am I missing something. I know marriage isn't supposed to be easy but I am tapped.
She is adamant about there being nobody else and I know her upbringing is playing a huge role in her thinking now. Her mom and dad coexist and nothing more. How do I save our marriage when I feel so alone?

I can relate to your wife and maybe that will help you somehow.

Is your wife introverted? I am and I cannot imagine anything else I'd rather NOT do than counseling. I don't mind seeking advice but I keep my feelings to myself until I'm reading to talk about them. Forcing me or someone like me into counseling or to talk about our feelings before we're ready would do more harm than good. I would dig my heels in and resist with all my might and become resentful of the attempts.

You don't say whether or not she wants a divorce?

I'm in the same situation, sort of, with my husband. We are coexisting as friends (no sex since November... not that either of us is withholding it, it's just neither of us are initiating it). I can't say that I'm unhappy with the arrangement and he hasn't mentioned it or indicated that he's unhappy either. I love him as a friend but not as the hollywood version of husband and wife. If he were to ask for a divorce, I would wish him happiness and hope that he would remain a friend.

We've been married for 20 years and even though I'm still fairly young (40), I can truthfully say I don't miss the sex. It was never that great to begin with and never a really big part of our marriage. I've always felt like we were partners, building a home and a family. That was what was important, the kids. He's my best friend, but I feel absolutely no attraction to him physically. He's a good man, funny, kind and in decent shape. I'm just not interested in him physically. Love him but don't want the sex. He apparently feels the same way or he would've brought it up. I am also in good shape.

I think Americans are brainwashed by Hollywood and when we discover that reality is not the fairytale we've been fed, then we feel cheated. Sounds like your wife is looking for the key to happiness not realizing the door is already open and you're waiting right there for her!

Don't give up yet. Please try to get her to go to counseling even if at first its without you. Find a therapist who can relate to both of you might be a woman works best as she has the problem opening up. My husband and I are seeing a therapist it may not work but atleast I am giving it a try.
On another note, why would you be the one to give up the kids?
goodluck.

"not smiling"

Thank you both for the feedback. What I don't understand in respects to the Hollywood syndrome is that I have signed on to this marriage "for better, for worse" etc.,etc. If you weigh the good and the bad in any situation, go in the direction that these dictate. To clarify, my wife has told me that I am a good husband, good father, funny, blah, blah. To throw away the relationship because the feeling of "head over heels" love is not there (right now) is ludicrous. Our society is completely complacent to the fact that the idea of love is equal parts intrinsic as it is effort. You love your kids unconditionally but the level in which you love them requires effort. A marriage is no different. It is my wifes' inperfections that create the person that she is and the reason I love her as much as I do. The tables have been turned on me as I feel that I can't live up to the standards that she has set for her/me. Yes she loves "Desperate Houswives" and all the others. People need to throw away the television and get real. What's more is the idea that a person has all the answers and that they are above counseling and they will get nothing out if it is garbage. All marriages go throught the friendship phase and in fact I believe it should be the basis for a marriage. It just makes no sense to me.

She has served me papers and I have purchased a new home. I don't want this and I would do anything to get her to see eye to eye with me. I have tried to get her to counseling but.....I am praying for a miracle. I love my family too much.