No updates in awhile!! (Unless I missed them!!)

Last post I saw from Dazed was from around the 7th. Haven't heard since.

I hope things are going better for him!

If you see this dazed w'ere still pulling for ya!

Stay Strong!

Actually - I'm worried due to the nature of the OM in his case.

Anyone know his real i.d. so we can send up an apb?

bump

Mr. Wondering has his email address. Maybe he can get ahold of Dazed.

In His arms.

Thank you everyone for checking on me.

At the momemt I'm not much feeling like giving an update, but here goes.

For me Valentines proved to be just another chance for WW to stomp on my love for her.

I was not going to do anything for her for Valentines. Two weeks ago me and DD12 was at the mall and I seen a cute little beanie baby doggy with a heart in it's mouth and it reminded me of our little dog and the very first valentine I ever bought my wife before we were married. Then I got to thinking about what we had done for each other over the years.
So, I bought the little doggy and a coffee mug to place it in.
I thought that would be it until, a couple days ago I decided to send her flowers. See I love to send flowers and do quite often anyway. I had them delivered the day before because I did not want to be like those other un-orignal idiots that just send flowers because they think that there suppose to and just want something in return.
So, I picked out a dozen red long stems and wrote her a short card saying; Valentines day maybe the most un-romantic day of the year but the day before is special... Love very much your husband.

The next day on Valentines, I left for work early enough to go by her office and leave the little doggy in a cup with a balloon tied to it. I left a little note letting her know that this was from by DD12 and I.
Knowing she was almost out of make up I also left her a gift card to her favorite store for cosmetics and a new catolog to look at.

As if that was not already too much, I called a nice reasturant and had them reserve me a table for two to three of us for dinner. I even made her a small card that resembled a invitation / ticket to go out with me for drinks and dinner.

So I guess you could say that I really got into it doing something to show her how much I love her.

Once again all I did was set my self up for let down.
To be honest I was not looking for a gift or anything in return for my acts of love. Really...

She emailed me a thank you and she said she needed a do-over. Even though that was very little appreciation I really liked that. She needed a do-over with us... I told her me too... I have only one do-over but it is for you.

As it turned out, she gave me nothing more for valentines day other than the email thank you.

Yes, she choose to be with OM and blow me off for our dinner reservations. My back up plan was to take DD12 to dinner with me but, she was being a huge brat and we did nothing.
WW called me around 5:30 all stressed out about going to eat with me. It was obvious if I pressed her to go I would regret it. She gave me a lamb excuss about showing her apartment to a guy from work about renting it so she can get out of the lease agreement.

She came home around 8:30 in a daze. It was obvious she was fogged out of her mind and must had just came from OM's.

I had rented a couple movies to watch, and as she walked in I was already in the process of putting on the first DVD.

She joined me down stairs to watch but that was about it. She would not hardly even talk to me. During the first movie I bet she did not say a dozen words to me. It was aweful setting there with her all screwed up in the head. I tried to be nice to her. Tired to talk to her, get her something to drink that kind of thing but I all got back was a cold brick wall.

I was not until I had stopped the second movie and asked her go on up to bed because she was sleeping on the little love seat that looked very uncomfortable.
She told me she was horrible to me and how could I still want her.
We talked briefly before I got her to get up and go upstairs. She aleast selected a full sizes couch to sleep on. wow....
We talked a little more. She said, why doesn't one of us just give up on her. She has done equally bad things to both of us and given us all the chances in the world to give up.
I said. The way I see it he gets about 90% of you and I get the crums. Why would he give up? The way i see it is that you give and give and give and it not enough soon enough. So you have not lived up to everything he made you promise to do.
Why would I stay only living on crums and a sliver of what was my wife? That shows you how real my love for you is. Look at how much you have to give to keep that other person going... Almost all of you...

I said, you know I could guilt trip you and tell you just how much you are hurting me but I don't. Because I don't want you here out of guilt and pitty. I am not a salesman. With me you get what you see. I could not sleep at night ethier if I the only way to get you with me was to trick you, sell you, pressure you, push you, and guilt you.

She said, the same old things... I am confused, I am torn, I don't know what to do. Then she was angry because she was not able to have it figured out before she went to sleep. She said that out loud. I figure that OM is back to his old tricks... More demands of action...

This morning she came to me while I was in the shower and asked what I would miss about her if get divorced. I said, there are so many things how could I just answer something like that right now. She said, well what's one thing?
I said, the love of my life... That is what I would miss...
She said, well you're not going to die with out me right? I said, only my better half would... She got mad and left the room.

So, valentines really sucked... Once again WW let me down and stomped on my feelings to be with OM. I think she chose to blow me off knowing she could get away with it.

Yes, I had dreams of her and I possibly connecting and possibly she would remember some good memories of valentines gone past.
Instead I got stood up for dinner and a shell of woman returnd from several hours with her OM. Telling me she was a horrible person and why would I want her... I can only imagine what her and OM did for several hours at his place and then she comes home with a blank stare and saying she's horrible.
Then today coming to me and asking more fogged out babble crap about what if we divorce....

I am hurting pretty good right now. I am not sure how much more of this is going to go on and how much more I can take either.

She is down to 12 days to figure out what she is going to do with the divorce petetion. The motion for dismissal must be turned in by the 27th.
It seems that OM has backed down slightly because she can see what he thinks as the finish line only 12 days away. She has stopped talking to me about what OM is doing, however I feel that he gave her another dead line to be moved out. I think he gave her the same dead line last Friday as well.
She did not move out but was with him for most of the night.
I think that this is just one of his many manipulation pressure tactics. Who know's what she has to do in order to miss the dead line and still keep him strung along.

When I think about it, I get really upset. He manipulates her by guilt, pressure, promises, and bashing on me. She feels she must keep him around and happy so she gives to him what ever so he stays around.
Then her is me... Getting dumped on and hurt every day... Each morning I find the strength to get up, dust my self off and go on. My love for her is still remains. I am so badly hurting and so emotionally starved I don't know how much more I can take.
I m so lonely and in need... The love I have for my wife goes beyond words. What really hurts is that she does not see how much I love her or how much I m hurting.

It's hard to circle a date on the calendar and pick when this must all end. I know somthing must change. This is a horribly unhealthy way to live or try to raise a child.
I have aknowledged that she may leave and go be with OM.
It seems to me that she has circled a date. That date being in 12 days. It seems that I must find a way to keep going until then.

She had dropped the lease on her apartment. That is not any big deal. The way I see it, she does not need it any longer. In 12 days she will either be legally divorced and can move right in with OM or she will dismiss the divorce and stay with me.
I think she believe that will be the final day and it will all be figured out be then.
Also, I think OM is really pushing her to move in with him right now so he can make sure she signs the divorce paper and not the dismissal paper.
Can you imagine this... She has two papers in front of her.
One is a divorce dismissal, and the other is divorce finalization.

Of course if she opts to sign the dismissal, I don't think OM is going away... I think he will blow up sky high, but will it be the end??? I doubt it.

If she signs to finalize the divorce, then she will still have to go to court for custody.

I think she is still lost in the fog and has no idea if she is coming or going. Still using me and living in fantasy with OM.

I had a sick thought on the way to work today. She is still trying to live in fantasy island with OM just like before D-day.
She lives at home where she had to do nothing. Everything there is provided for her. She can steal a few hours a day away with OM just like before. Then get her high met and come home where ther rest of her needs are met.

OM can go back to pretending and the rush of stealing a couple hours is still there... The concept of being held apart is still there and when things get to much for her she can just go home.

She still has the secret cell phone that she is back to using to talk to him during work hours and texting. Just like it used to be...
Also factor in that OM was all but finished a few weeks ago. He was blowing up big time and seen himself all but done.
She tells me all about him and how scared she is and I go out to protect her from him. Like a dumb [censored] we talk about what he did wrong to push her away.
She then takes my educating back to him and tells him what he did wrong and gives him another chance.
So, he has gone back to listening mode and decreased the demands and pressure. In other words, he is gone back into hiding as much of his true colors as possible....

The guy is such a fraud it makes me sick... The worst part of it is she buys right back into him and buys books on how to fix him....

Know matter how much happens and I learn about this affair crap It always crushes me to see how she places OM in front of me....

Thanks again for the concern....
Yes, I m hurting really badly today, but will find away to keep myself going... I will always love that woman I knew as my wife for she is my true love.

I am going to distance myself for the rest of the week... I need some time to recover and re-focus on myself improvements.

God Bless you Dazed!!!!

Dazed,

Good to hear from you. Cant say I didnt expect this...even SH expected this. You said something, though:


Precisely! This is why this should come to a head in 12 days. By just maintaining what you are doing, you continue the stable ground that she has there. Of course, OM is trying his best to behave. But you can only hold that for so long when you dont really mean it.

You are ripe for Plan B. These couple of weeks have really cemented in your wife's mind who you are and who the OM is. She knows "cocaine" is bad for her now. The problem is she doesnt think she can do without it.

But you have to let her make the next move. Yo uare lucky in the fact you have an OM not content for things to stalemate. He will continue to make demands of her, as you hold steady. He will keep her moving.

The problem is, that may (and should) backfire on him. It already did a little bit once.

Please get that order keeping him away ready. I had hoped you had already put it into effect. It wont hurt anything...but it may help your wife see that maybe there is protection from OM if she chooses right.

I know this all hurts and is draining you. As you said, begin to pull back some and protect yourself. But dont LB and dont push for divorce. That paperwork is there and the OM is pressuring her. You be the light to his darkness.

If she decides to dismiss, then you will need to go into full protection mode. You will need to get your wife away from OM. If that means moving, then you move! Take your family and move far away. Get another job. Do what it takes to protect your family.

Anyway, time to just play it by ear. You did good on Valentines Day. It has to be eating her alive. Just a little under two weeks, and you can get moving one way or the other.

Just a little longer!

In His arms.

Dazed, saw you posting to peachy and AD, so I thought I'd give you a wave and ask how things are going for you?

Regards,

BB

I've been quiet lately too, but still thinking about you and your situation.

Hope you are continuing your healing and recovering personally. Your WW has a long way to go, but I hope she'll recover herself too.