I am restless tonight. I have had some to drink, which is not good in this situation.

It has only been two weeks since no contact between my FWW and the OM as far as I know. I have access to all of her cell records and email. He is now several states away thank god.

However I am feeling that she wants to brush it under the rug which is what I understand is normal from what I am reading. It is just so frustrating. She is 3 hours away due to her rotations for another 2 ½ months. Tonight I told her I was still sad and hurting and that I thought she was brushing things off.

She has been very loving and supportive through this but feels that what happened just happened and does not want to search for an answer. She says she was always happy with us and that he just is someone she would have wanted to be with had she not married me.

I sent her flowers today for V day. Not because I felt it but because it was the right thing to do for us. She called to thank me but her excitement was fake.

I feel we are doomed to repeat and I cannot handle it a second time. She still feels that she loved him and their R was something wonderful. Sickening, but I understand it may still be too early for her to see the light.

To top it off she told me she is sick of talking on the phone so she might not talk to me much tomorrow, yet she wants me to call her in the morning to she can talk to our girls.

I am not sure I asked any questions, just venting lol.

She is still very early in this. Don't expect her to be very sorry. They ALL would rather sweep it under the rug, and just forget it. I think your problem is more that she is away, and right now you need to be together.

Hang in there.

believer,


You are a wonderful help. You no you have know idea how many lurkers you have helped by your insightful posts.

I hope I can calm myself and be strong. Honestly the desire to move on is nearly as strong as the desire to keep it together at this point.

HurtE

You should be factoring on at least 6 weeks for withdrawal to finish.

Snowbelle posted the following on withdrawal:


You are expecting too much for 2 weeks.

Instead expect indifference, hostility, defiance etc. As long as NC is established, it will get better.

HurtE - That's why we say that right now, YOU are the biggest threat to your marriage.

Why am I, because I cannot wait?

It is so hard to be strong when you have been wronged.

How many holidays must it ruin?

Right at the first of recovery, the BS has been hoping to save the marriage and fighting for it. When things look like they are turning around, the BS often has something like buyer's remorse - wondering if they even WANT to stay married. After all of the hurt, it often seems easier just to chuck the marriage. But that is very normal, and you will get through it.

At first it ruins ALL of the holidays, but that won't last.

Dear Restless,

Welcome!! Glad you are here at MB.

I know you are hurting and I know it is a holiday.

We BS's have had all that going on.

You want it to be okay and right now.

However, you are very early into recovery. And there ARE reasons that your WW did what she did. Whether it may be HER issues, or YOUR issues or somewhere inbetween is up for investigation.

It can be very selfish indeed. This is the way of the WS.

Pray for patience, calm, and that you will be able to get thru this.

It is so very hard two weeks after d day.If your WS wants it to be okay and says it 'just happened", then I suggest you plan A, this will do you well in the long run. I recommend exposure to those who need to know to help your situation. WS will be (really) angry for a short time and might even tell you it is over between the two of you for good, but this is temporary, for the most part.

No relationship talk at this time. Just be nice, nice nice. Just show WS how wonderful you are.

Don't return evil for evil. I always love the saying on this board, and I will remind all, and this is "do you want to be right, or do you want to be married?"

You need to read a few books, His Needs, Her Needs, by Harley and perhaps, Surviving the Affair. Oh, and read up on plan A.

Take some time to understand where you have been amiss in emotional needs, fix it up, <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> and lots of prayers.

Best of luck and God Bless.

Love in Christ,
Miss M