spilling my life for no one's interest - again

If you don't mind a candid response, here goes....

It is a nice love letter but is that all you want it t/b? Aren't you writing a plan B letter?

This paragraph is a bit disjointed: [color:"blue"] First, let me say that I love you unconditionally and when I took my wedding vows I meant them and I meant forever. You have chosen another path, a path that leads away from me and our children and our marriage.[/color]

Each sentence is a separate thought and the paragraph goes in 2 different directions. Remember it is easy to confuse the WS. Right now you want him to read the letter and NOT be confused.

IMHO, I think you go on too much about how much you love him and how you have made mistakes. While is important to let him know you love him, the WS may get the wacko idea that you love him as a WS, so why should he change? Defeats the purpose doncha think?

Write the letter as if you are writing to the WS NOT your H. Don't ask to have a future with the WS.

L.

Thanks Orchid. Candid is what I want. I'm in my own kind of fog here and I appreciate the reality checks I get here.

I think my main problem is I can't relate the hubby I love and know to this WS who appeared in my life one day. My heart and mind need to understand that they are now the same person.

I'll redo the letter and try to keep in mind that H and WS are the same being. Thank you so much.

spilling my life for no one's interest - again

Wait. Your H and WS are NOT the same. Your mind and heart need t/b in sync in order for you to heal and move forward. Whether your H comes back and the WS goes away is up to him, not you. You can only make changes and control your actions. He can witness your changes and make his own changes.

You can't force him and neither can he force you.

Redo your letter by identifying your letter to the WS vs your H.

Ex:

WS & H,

This letter is addressed to 2 different persons. One of which I know and love as my H. The other is a WS who is a stranger to myself and my family.

To H:

I love you dearly and want you home. Not sure how or why you were ripped out of our lives but want to let you know that your family loves you and wants you home safely.

To WS:

I don't know who you are. Please give my H & father of our children back. The things you have done to this family is beyond words.

We are learning to live and move forward without our pillar of support, love and comfort which we had from our H and dad. It is hard and painful for us to see our family suffereing from such pain. Each of us left here are working our best on making individual and family improvements.

I don't really expect you as a WS to understand or even appreciate these changes. I know my H and children's dad would be.

Just so you know, my H is being missed by more than just our family. The pain has affected many we love.

Because of this pain, I must request when you choose to be in the character of the WS that you limit your communication to the following items: mail, $$ and child visitation. These items can be communicated via e-mail or via (designate 3rd party person). This request has been made to make it easier on our family and reduce some of the pain of having to deal with a WS vs my loving H.

If my H is allowed to escape from the WS' clutches, he will be welcomed back. Of course there would be a reasonable amount of reassurance and love to be shown to help us trust you again.

For now, using this somewhat detached method is the best option I can offer at this time.

Your cooperation is greatly appreciated.

Sincerely,
BS and family

NOTE: There has never been a letter written like that example. The one I wrote to my WS was close to this. I did let him know I veiwed him as 2 distinct individuals.

This is just my opinion and suggestion. You do what is best for you and your family.

take care,
L.

First of all, the reason I removed my letters was a not so nice private message but it really doesn't matter.

Orchid, thanks. I see your reasoning here. It's like hubby is 2 different people and it may serve me well to address both of them. I'm going to re-write a letter like that. Thanks for the opinion.