The worst part of my last year is a close competition between D-day and the day my father died. He had been fighting prostate cancer for for 12 years. He and my WW were always very close and they would talk to each other for hours sometimes. She loved him very much.
I truly believe finding out about my wifes affair was very damaging to him emotionally, if not also physically. He was already very worried about our son's upcoming organ transplant. He knew he might not live to see it happen, so he would tell us that he'd help from 'the other side' if he wasn't around. He said he was going to miss our son the most as tears fell down his face.
The beginning of last September his health degraded significantly and he became pretty much bedridden. I grew so resentful of my WW during those days it was overwhelming sometimes. I was angry that the last days of being with my father I still had to think about all that other mess, that I couldn't trust her.
I plan A'd like a robot. Saying and doing nice things, but I was full of anger and resentment inside.
He was given more and more pain medication. The cancer was throughout his bones and it was the only way to keep him somewhat comfortable. Eventually he couldn't even communicate. His eyes, though open, rolled upwards and his breathing became more and more restless. He'd moan once in a while. Only when our son would come near him in the bed would he try to reach out and hold him. He couldn't do it, of course. His hands would just reach over a bit and he'd move as if to sit up, but then he'd lie back down. It was very emotional to see him reach for our son like that.
He took his last breath with his entire family around him.
After that day, I never felt that weak, helpless feeling regarding my wife's affair again. If she chose to stay with her son and I, I'd be there to love her and make the effort, but my days of trying to convince her were over. If she wanted to still be friends with the OM, or even work in the same place then she'd be on her own.
Although we became very close again and she stopped all contact with the OM, she still wanted to go back to work. About two months ago she said she still wanted that and might go back to work. I told her I'd prepare things for divorce and help try to figure out a custody situation. She broke down immediately and said she didn't want to lose her son and myself. She'd never go back to work.
I definately was ready to end it if she went back to work. Not only that, but I wasn't too phased by the thought. I was both emotionally exhausted and detached after nine months of this A crap and my fathers slow death.
I emailed the OM about a month ago. I felt I needed the closure, since he had never received a true NC letter. I told him that my wife was in love with me and not him. That she had realized her mistake and was trying to correct it. I also pointed out that he was a worthless waste of skin for having an affair with a woman who's child was going through a life threatening experience and was depressed.
He never replied to the email, so I called him to make sure he understood.
Anyway. The wife and I are doing well now. She's been very affectionate and loving. Moreso than even before the affair, thanks to me learning how to meet her needs.
The people from Make A Wish actually met with us recently because of our son, and we may be going to Disneyland (if they agree to it). It would be the first true vacation for us in six years. Hopefully it works out.
Take care.
