WH sent me an email wanting to meet with me. It the same old blah, blah, blah......

He has been praying about things, and God has "relieved" his mind on several subjects. Don't know what he means by "relieved".

He wants to meet with me this Sunday to talk things over, etc.

I have not responded to his email. I do not wish to talk to him. I do not wish to see him.

He has called many times today.....I have not answered his calls.

He sent a dozen roses yesterday (which were delivered to my work), but I was not around when they were delivered, so I was not able to refuse them. Instead, I gave a rose to each of the gals in our office.

This is the SAME OLD $HIT HE HAS PULLED BEFORE - exactly the same, and several times before. He is just trying to manipulate me again.

For those of you who know my story, you will know what I mean.

I'm not buying it again.

How do I respond to this without sounding mean, but at the same time letting him know that I don't want anything to do with him?

I'm not in Plan B, but I certainly don't want to call him and have him try to talk me into anything.........I'm sick of the whole circus.

So, I guess it will have to be by email.

I have an appointment with a lawyer on Tuesday. I am keeping that appointment.

Any help out there?

Thanks, K

Bump^^^^^^

Really do need some suggestions.....

Thanks, K

Hi K,

So you are definite with plan D? If you don't want to see him don't. Tell him you prayed and prayed about your marriage for years and you can finally see your path and your future doesn't include him. Hold off on telling him about the lawyer until after your appt.

You could say sorry I have to wash my hair that day...guess that wouldn't fly.

You could just say you wish him well but have no desire to speak with him at this time.

K-

If you don't want to talk to him, and his advances aren't welcome won't not saying anything speak a lot louder than words??? I mean if he's attempting to get a rise out of you, and he does.....mission accomplished.

God Bless,

-Caren

My WH used to do the same thing. I tried for 3 years to resolve things with him. The last time he came by, I told him any questions or communication needed to go through my attorney. Haven't heard from him in 2 months now.

You are right..........I have nothing to say to him, and I do not wish to hear what he has to say.

Pretty definite with Plan D. At the very least, for right now, I will see about a legal separation. I need to protect myself. And I do not see any reconciliation in our future.

Several times before when he would be mad at me for my "Plan B" efforts, he would being threatening me with "I"ll just stop paying half of the house payment".

He's also stepping up contact with the kids, trying to get in to me that way. Also not buying that.

He has treated us all (friends, children, and me) like crap for a long, long time.

This truly is a repeat of the same old blah, blah, blah.....

Thanks, K

K-

Tough decision, but you sound sure of yourself, and that's always a good thing.

You've come a long way baby <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

God Bless,

-Caren

Thanks Confused, Believer, and CarenMc....

I am sure of myself and what I want.

I would rather be alone.......there are worse things than being alone.

Being treated like a second class citizen is one of them. Being lied to on a regular basis is another.

I just don't want anything to do with WH. I wish him well.....

K

This is the e-mail I recieve from WH:

"I hope this e-mail finds you well. I will be up in the P area Sunday for an evidence search with the dive team and I was hoping that I could meet with you afterwards. The other day when I told you I needed to talk to you about some things and you said yes I have been waiting to find a day that would be convenient for both you and I. I have really been convicted about several things in my life and most of those things are related to you. I have been praying a lot these past few weeks and God has been talking to my heart and has shown me some things, some of which you have pointed out but I was to overcome by emotions to see them. I have been looking and trying to deal with things on an emotional level and it has blinded me to see what path I needed to take to make you comfortable and trust in me. I have been very selfish and have wanted things to be a certain way while we were trying to make our marriage work and I know now that was very unfair to you and I am sorry for that. I should of asked for nothing from you except to love me and I should have given everything to you to make you love and trust me again. I feel you were very giving and wanting to make things work and I was trying to do things from my emotions and it clouded my sight on what it takes to make things work. I know its kind of late but if nothing else the one thing I do know and am very certain of is how much I love you and will always love you like no one else. The other thing I know and am very certain of is that I will never marry another woman as long as I live because no one can ever take your place. God has reminded me that he put us together for a reason and I have destroyed that. I want you to know that God has also given me relief and helped me through some of my problems regarding DS. I realized that I have a lot of anger and insecurity within me and it deals mostly with my lack of commitment to God and that has been taken away and I feel that I can make amends with DS and have a different out look toward him. I have so much to ask for your forgiveness for and so many things to apologize for and this is why I want to meet with you. I also have had a lot of issues regarding you and that has been taken away as well and I feel none of those things any more. They were things that I let build up and they were really nothing except huge in my mind. But I have been given relief from those things and I feel that a huge weight has been lifted from my shoulders. I know that my love for you runs so deep and strong that I will never find love like that again in a life time. If I had a chance to make things right between us I would jump at it in a heart beat. I know I could still make you very happy. I still have my list of commitments to you, I just wished I would have shared them with you before know. I hope to hear from you.

I will always love you,
WH"

And while this sounds so sincere, it is almost exactly the same thing WH has sent me several times before - especially when I attempted a Plan B.

I would like to send him this e-mail as he continues to call me even at this late hour. I still do not wish to see him or speak with him.....

"This is to let you know that I did recieve your e-mail.

I don't recall having told you that I would talk with you.

I feel that we really have nothing to talk about.

K"

Opinions?

This voice mail was left on my cell by WH......

"I don't know why you won't talk to me. I haven't done anything to you since I talked to you (last Friday). I hoped it wouldn't come down to this. Are you trying to make me hate you?"

I will say this is not exact wording, but is pretty close.

I left WH this voicemail.....

"I did get your e-mail, and your voice mail. I don't know what you mean by 'it wouldn't come down to this'. But I really don't have anything to say to you. Maybe I'll talk to you sometime in the future."

Will he ever "get it"?

He thinks a week or two is "enough to let me get over it", and then he can come right back.

I do not trust any of his "feelings". He has played fast and loose with his promises and attempts (all very short lived) at reconciliation.

He thinks I'm mad at him over this (his accusations made to me of harrassing OW with phone calls, based on a voice mail OW left him a couple of weeks ago).......on the contrary, I am not. I have no feelings about what he does or is doing.

Besides, I'm not mad about his accusations. They simply left me MONUMENTALLY PI$$ED OFF!

AND, I've simply had enough.

Thanks for listening. This is the one place I can vent, and get advice.

K

k---you keep strong girl....its all just words.....you know that. and as soon as you didnt "jump" at his e-mail....his tone changed, didnt it?

K,
what is going on in his mind???????

I'm thinking of you constantly! :-)

bb

AKA: You won't play with me, so I'm not going to like you anymore - and it's all your fault - YOU MADE ME NOT LIKE YOU.

My 6 year old says the same thing when I make him clean his room.

You're doing great. Last I looked, this was the USA...you don't want to talk to him, don't. That's what lawyers are for anyway!

- Kimmy

I have always found it fascinating that once they perceive that you have let go, is when they want to come back. This is just another example of why it is wise to let them believe you have let go early in the affair because it is your best chance to really reconcile correctly.


Want him to leave you alone? Then chase him, tell him you are madly in love with him and don't want to lose him <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />(Just kidding, but that is what really seems to get rid of them doesn't it?)

I think that the more you reject him the harder he will pursue. Many men love the challenge of pursuit. This is why he has done this before. You have given him the challenge he so desperately craves.

If you are serious about getting rid of him, then you are going to have to be DIRECT and FIRM and CONSISTENT...

Tell him "I don't want to meet you, I have NO plans to meet you and I want you to STOP asking me."

Tell him "It is OVER between us and I will NEVER go back to you or with you. I am very happy by myself and I WANT you to leave me alone." I am going to stop reading your emails and delete them any and every time you send one. If you call on the phone, I WILL hang up. If you truly love me as you say, then leaving me alone is what will make me the happiest. It is over.


I believe you need to be blunt, firm, decisive and even a little toward the "rude" side. He seems like the type that will keep chasing you unless you nip this in the bud in the way I described.

Good for you that you sound and are coming across as strong and ok being by yourself. Self confidence and self esteem is what draws others to us. You sound like you are finding that being by yourself is actually no big deal and as a matter of fact can be quite nice.

Take care...

Thanks Nikko, Kimmy, bb, and keepmovin.....

EXACTLY........sounds like a child who is not getting his way.

bb.........I just think he is out of his mind. Period. He has always been able to "turn the tables" on me and manipulate me. NO MORE! And I don't even want to put myself in the position of having to listen to his attempts at trying! Thank you for thinking of me.

I'm trying not to be rude........but will certainly get that way if I need to. My voicemail to him was the edge of rude - no other way to say it that to just say it.

These "changes of heart" in him are getting annoying.....besides, he's having SO many changes, his heart must be flip-flopping all over in his chest.

Took me a long time to realize that his words are just words. I always had a "hope" that they were real. But I haven't heard a "real" word from this man in a long, long time.

Don't think I'll be hearing any now - especially if I don't talk to him! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

Thanks for your support. It's more help than I can say.

K <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

K...

your husband is reacting the only way he knows how to react..promising you the moon and the stars..wrapped up in pretty words...

dont get caught up in his drama..
dont spend any of your energy...even dont spend energy blasting him for doing all he knows how to do...

walk away from all of this....

I think telling you have nothing to say right now is a good approach...

act as if you are in plan B in the sense that you react to nothing...

your husband is very much so to be pitied...he responds the only way he knows how..
start praying hard for him that he begins a long long hard journey of looking inward and seeking the true anger management and individual counseling he needs to see his own accountability...

you be wary of getting sucked in to his drama..

he is only trying to manipulate you because he has no other skills...

dont get emotionally attached to anything he does...

pray for him seek peace for you so that you have no emotional response
and continue to detach

ARK

I love it. I'd repeat it everytime he contacts you. Maybe add 'a D could not keep me from a good man... I know I must proceed with this D, and if we're meant to be we can start a new marriage later' (after you've finished with all this awakening stuff)... or something to that effect.

While the letter sounds good, if you've heard it before I'd not be impressed, either. 'I'd' proceed with the D, and IF he makes some stunning, glaring life changes you can consider him, later. Any real change takes time, it could be years before he really gets his head straight. Sounds like you know what you are doing and what you need. Good job! Please take care - Dru

K,

have you told your husband that you want to get a divorce???

Are you "seriously" going to do that? Have you talked to Steve Harley in the mean time???

Sorry, for all the questions but you and your situation really get me thinking.............

hugs
bb

hey blonde....
I vote for not even saying I WANT to..


but I AM going to.....


ARK

Thanks ark, drucilla, and bb....

Have had no phone calls so far today. Perhaps he got the message. I don't know.

I do know that when I "kicked him out" this time, I said "I'm DONE". He knows he screwed up.....with bells on!

I haven't said anything about the D. I will have my consultation on Tuesday, and find out what my options are. I really feel an urgent need to protect myself financially.

I will go from there. If I have occasion to speak with WH after that, I probably will mention the lawyer.

The peace and quiet I have found are wonderful. Even if I should sit alone night after night, at least no one will be telling me lies, and looking at me with resentment. I will have no cause to feel suspicion or doubt.

I AM detached. His words have no effect on me whatsoever. They only make me think "where have I heard this before?".

And I know where......

Oh, yes, I am serious.

Thanks.....

K