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Joined: Feb 2006
Posts: 5
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(I didn't know where would be the best place to post this topic!)

Earlier this week I asked my husband to consider trying to reach "15 hours per week" of undivided attention. We will be talking more about this next week, but in the meantime I am a little unclear about what "undivided attention" means. I understand that it should be time for just the two of us, no kids, relatives, friends. And we should be interacting -- e.g., watching TV or going to a movie together doesn't count. I have plenty of ideas of date-type activities which we could do (go for long walks together, go out to eat, cuddle together, etc....) But specifically, I am wondering whether the following activities would be considered acceptable as times of "undivided attention"?
* If we run an errand together? (We could talk as we drive, and also as we take care of the task together).
* If we read a book out loud (for example, spending time each day taking turns reading a few pages aloud from a marriage book -- or any book, even an adventure book - that we can then discuss together?
* Discussing important topics related to our family, for example: planning a schedule together, working on a family budget, discussing parenting issues and how to handle, planning a child's party....??

NOTE: We have really been living as "ships passing in the night". I see very little of my husband; he often leaves early and returns late - we rarely have meals together. When he is around, he usually is in a big hurry, and seems impatient and there are hardly ever times of relaxed conversation. Also, my husband helps very little and I have often felt overwhelmed with trying to get everything done, with young children etc. So, I have really felt quite desparate to just have the chance to discuss and plan with my husband - to share and determine how to handle parenting issues, to try to finally figure out a budget (a problem that has been unresolved for years and has caused great stress), to talk about spiritual matters, or share hopes and dreams. And I can't just jump into these topics if I see him standing stll for a moment in the house -- it feels too abrupt; I feel I need to work up to it, or have a little small talk before launching into something more serious. But, when I may see my husband less than 15 minutes a day, then there is never a chance to discuss or plan anything important. Also, I would love to have the chance to sometimes work on a chore together such as go on an errand, or maybe organize the garage. I am happy to be working together with him jointly, and we may chat as this goes on. HOWEVER - these days, this hardly ever happens.
So, I am wondering whether those examples above (doing an errand or chore together, reading a book outloud, discussing or planning a family schedule or issue) - could be done as a part of a time of "undivided attention"??
Thanks for any feedback you can give on this.

Joined: Jan 2006
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H and I are on week three of the MB Home Study course and from what I've learned thus far I would say that the things you have mentioned can qualify as undivided attention so long you're both emotionally connected, i.e. not lost in personal thoughts, etc. Also, undivided attention is supposed to be quality time, and if you enjoy tending to tasks and errands together that's great! The more you do together the better, so long as chores and errands aren't ALL you do together, but from what you describe its definitely a good start and a step in the right direction.

Hope this helps.


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