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I just found out that my WH has broken the NC agreement and has been seeing the OW again. I thought we were starting to reconcile and it turns out that he's just a lying scumbag after all. He's due back any minute and I don't know what to do. I've already phoned the OW (left her a message) and told her that despite what he may have told her, he is *still* with me. I still don't blame her because I'm sure he spun her some tale. [censored], I don't want this to be happening again!!!
Me (BS) - 46
WH - 51
Together 17 y., married 12
DDay (#3!) - 1st May
TBD whether recovery is in the cards
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Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 27,069
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I don't think I would call him a lying scumbag.
You need to CALMLY talk to him and explain that the continued contact is very hurtful to you. Did he write a no contact letter?
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Joined: Sep 2001
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I've already phoned the OW (left her a message) and told her that despite what he may have told her, he is *still* with me.
not according to his actions....browyn...
time for you to decide what is your own personal boundary...
what does your signature line mean no plan for recovery...
why not...?
what is YOUR plan....
there is marital recovery..
and there is personal recovery...
how are YOU going to recover from his braking this agreement...what was the plan in your back pocket if this did occur...
time for you to make some decisions...
are you sure you even want to confront..
is there any point to it...
or is time for action...
yours..
ARK
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This is not just contact -- this is full-on interaction. He lied to her and said that he was traveling this week, meanwhile he's spent the week here, supposedly to recharge. Now, I don't know what to think.
I'm sorry for the language earlier. I don't usually speak like that, I'm just really upset.
Me (BS) - 46
WH - 51
Together 17 y., married 12
DDay (#3!) - 1st May
TBD whether recovery is in the cards
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Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 92
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Posts: 92 |
Ark - Yeah, I don't think there is much point anymore. He obviously doesn't want to reconcile, so I just need to make my own plans. It still hurts though...
Me (BS) - 46
WH - 51
Together 17 y., married 12
DDay (#3!) - 1st May
TBD whether recovery is in the cards
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Joined: Sep 2001
Posts: 5,906
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so...
what is YOUR plan....
how are you going to protect yourself from someone who lies...
ARK
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I'm going to throw him out. This is really over, I fear.
Me (BS) - 46
WH - 51
Together 17 y., married 12
DDay (#3!) - 1st May
TBD whether recovery is in the cards
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Joined: Sep 2001
Posts: 5,906
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NO this is not necessarrily over...
but it is a direct action consequence of his choice.....
pretty powerful stuff...
if you are asking him to leave..
do not fight
do not be emotional
be calm
be steadfast
be sorry he chose this...
do not give in to raging....no matter how hard it is..
you want to chill him with the reality...
not create an emotional crisis he or any other human would want to flee from....
draw strength from your calmness...
be proud
be strong in you will no longer live with such disrespect under your roof at night...
no more...
be calm browyn..
wait till he is gone to rage your pain..
ARK
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Posts: 92
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Thanks, Ark. That is good advice and I will bear it in mind. Did I do the wrong thing be calling the OW? I admit it was done in the heat of the moment. On some level, I guess she deserves to know what she's dealing with.
B.
Me (BS) - 46
WH - 51
Together 17 y., married 12
DDay (#3!) - 1st May
TBD whether recovery is in the cards
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Posts: 846
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Ark,
Should she be still? Is she expecting too much?
Me/BS 48
Married 16 yrs/together 23; 1 child
Dday 4/05; WH "needed space" and left 5/05
WH Filed D papers 6/05 - Divorce final 12/05
WH moved in with OW 11/05; moved out OW 1/06
12/06 His 3rd and strongest attempt at reconcilliation (I believe OW still in picture)
2/07 Affair over, begging me to take him back - it's too late.
WH has tried numerous times to reconcile.
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doesnt really matter if you are removing yourself from their chaos at this point....
you need a plan though..
monies secured ??
where will he go....
have you exposed to all....
why did you believe he was not in contact...
bronwyn...do not waste a flipping second worrying YOU did the wrong THING...when he is disrespecting YOU and the OW>..
when will you be seeing him....how much time do you have...do you want to see him right now...or be scarce yourself..
if you really kick him out do you need to secure assetts and papers in the home...
get grounded in a plan..
think
think
think
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Posts: 92
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Luckily all assets and monies are in my name.
I have not exposed to his friends and family, should I?
I don't know where he will go and at this point I really don't care.
He's taken my car, so I have to wait until he gets back before I go anywhere.
Me (BS) - 46
WH - 51
Together 17 y., married 12
DDay (#3!) - 1st May
TBD whether recovery is in the cards
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Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 92
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Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 92 |
And the only reason that I thought he was in no contact was that I had exposed to the OW and her reaction led me to believe that she wanted nothing more to do with him. He obviously talked his way out of it, somehow.
Me (BS) - 46
WH - 51
Together 17 y., married 12
DDay (#3!) - 1st May
TBD whether recovery is in the cards
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Joined: Sep 2001
Posts: 5,906
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Posts: 5,906 |
I have not exposed to his friends and family, should I?
well its a powerful exposing the affair to the light of day...
ARK
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Posts: 92
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I had exposed to my family and the OW(en) and thought that was enough. Should I expose even if there is no chance of reconciliation? That just smacks of revenge to me. On the other hand, maybe it will finally force him to accept what he's done.
Me (BS) - 46
WH - 51
Together 17 y., married 12
DDay (#3!) - 1st May
TBD whether recovery is in the cards
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