Good Morning Cis, Soon, Thankful and everybody else.

How is everyone doing today? I hope and pray that we all have a great day.

Tired41

Me too! Got a call last night from my folks. I'm afraid that my mother is ill. This is such a stressful time in my life - I know I'll get through it, but the timing of everything is a little annoying.

I just got the response papers from my attorney. I'm not agreeing to "irreconcilable differences", I'm stating that I think the marriage could succeed with counseling. For what it's worth - I just want it to be clear that I don't want the divorce. Has anyone else done this?

It's going to be a sunny day, but a dark weekend. I hope you all have a wonderful day. We send good thoughts to you all and to Simon!

Cis

Hey there Tired! I too hope and pray we all have a great day and that we have the faith and strength to put whatever problems the day has for us in Gods hands. I have trouble doing that. Always saying, "What can I do better...how can I fix this?". I keep telling myself that I can't fix this, it's not in my hands anymore. I have to have faith that God can.

It's so nice to have you guys. I don't know you all, but thank you. And thank you to MB. Even though were falling behind instead of building.

Cis, I hate to hear about your mother. It seems like things just keep piling up on you. I keep hearing the God will not allow us to be loaded with more that we can bear, but sometimes I think we get pretty close. Praying for your mom.

I too, wanted to make it clear that I did not want a divorce. I told my STBXW many times that this is "her baby" and it's all about what she wants, not me, not her son, not my son, not even the dog, just her. She agreed with me. I sometimes wonder if counseling is effective or not. It seems to me that in order for it to be, both parties have to want it bad enough to do what is required. If one does not, then it is wasted time. My STBXW and I went to counseling, but she wasn't interested in working on it. I don't want to discourage you, just to say that counseling may not be a cure all.

Soon, I'm an analyzer and a fixer also. It bothers me when I can't understand and fix something. That is why this is so frustrating. I think my STBXW has problems, from her childhood, that will not allow her to be happy with herself (she admits this). To compensate for the low self esteem, she jumps into a new relationship with admiration from another person. It infuriates me that she would not seek professional help for her, and not destroy her family, but she justs takes the easy way out, and will probably go through the same cycle repeatedly. Some things we just can't fix.

Tired41

Good Afternoon to you all, too <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I hope you all have as easy of a day as possible - with as little tears as possible. I've already cried a couple of times, but I do find that I have more positive days now than negative ones which is a good sign. I just never know what WH will say/do next, so each day I just take a deep breath and get ready for the ride.

He came here to the house yesterday while I wasn't here and took our miniature desktop globe. Very bizarre. I have no idea why he took that. We bought it together in Vegas 2 years ago this May - it's just so odd b/c 95% of his stuff is still in this house and when we separated a month ago, he only took a suitcase worth of clothes. Why come here yesterday and take (of all things) the globe? I can't wait to hear why he took it.

TTFN.

Hmmmm, that is strange. Did he ever show that much interest in the globe before? Odd.

Sounds like a great place to "hide your weed".

He has always loved globes - but I still have no idea why he decided to take that one yesterday. Almost sounds like a scene from the movie with Steve Martin "The Jerk". LOL! At the same time we bought the small one, we bought a beautiful floor standing, mother of pearl globe that we have in the living room. It's just so bizarre! But then again, everything he is doing/saying is out of character, so I shouldn't be surprised. As I said, I can't wait to hear why he took it.

Tired, lol! That was too funny. Thanks for the chuckle. He's the furthest thing from a pothead, and has never even tried it once in his life, so I don't think that is the reason. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Be sure and let us know why he took the globe. I can't imagine having 99% of my stuff still in the house, and the one thing I go and get is a vacation souvenir? I'm not poking fun at your situation by no means Thankful, but it's almost funny in a way. Do you guys talk on a regular basis? I'm sorry, I haven't read any of your previous posts.

Soon, I agree that it's almost funny that he took that. I almost have to wonder if he did it to see if I would call him. I highly doubt it, but you never know. We do talk on a regular basis, but only if he initiates a call. I never initiate calls unless it's important, about the kids, finances, etc...he however, calls whenever he wants even tho I have made it clear that we should only talk about important things (since he is the one who wants out of the marriage and refuses to work on "us") he still feels it necessary to talk about our issues (more "his" issues now) and throw himself a pity party (calls himself an [censored], bad dad, etc...) at my expense. It's honestly very mentally exhausting and frustrating.

I think you are right. I think he took it thinking that you'd call him about it. He probably doesn't like NOT getting the attention from you, and he took it thinking that you'd call him. Sounds like something I would have done back in high school. When did you decide that you were'nt going to talk to him anymore unless it was "business"? My H sounds like yours. I was going to ask a small favor of him last Saturday, and as soon as I said "can I talk to you for a second" he start in with the "GD it...what now....f**k!" So I got upset. He left. And I called him and said what are you doing? He says "I'm just riding around trying to figure out why I'm such an a**hole" My thoughts are, he's only an [censored]**** to me anyway and soon I'll be gone so what does it matter? I didn't say that but that's what I thought.

My STBXW left a lot of her stuff at our house when she moved out. I agreed to leave it there until the house sold, and also thought that she might come home. After finding out she was already dating OM, I told her to get the rest of her stuff out of my house. I also went to OM's parents house (where he lives) and told him in front of his parents "If you're man enough to f*** my wife, be man enough to haul her sh** out of my house". The parents almost fainted. He came and moved the rest of her stuff.

The globe has me puzzled also. Mine didn't really take anything of sentimental value when she moved out.

I first said it to him about 2 weeks ago. (Separated since 1/16) Since then I have said it 3 or 4 other times during moments when he is rude, callous and insensitive - for example...telling our 4 year old son "sorry buddy, I am not living w/you and mommy anymore b/c your mommy doesn't love me". Is he crazy or what???? I seriously do not call him at all. Even if he calls and I miss the call and he doesn't leave a message, I let him call me back. Then he gets all pissy. It just sucks b/c he knows what I do ALL the time, b/c I am here w/the kids. I know NOTHING about what he does anymore - I hate it! He comes and goes as he pleases and is doing whatever he wants!! I guess the only way I feel a little in control of making him wonder what I am doing at all times is to generally just not call him and not let him in on my plans, unless it's necessary of course. I am so tired of hearing him huff and puff on the phone, dead silence and then he doesn't hang up, just sits there not saying anything. So inevitably I just say, "well, I am going to hang up now" The last time we talked was yesterday morning...he hasn't called since then, but took the globe yesterday afternoon. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

This past Christmas I had bought little book about sexual things to stick in his stocking. I thought it might be fun for us. Well, after he told me he wanted to go through with the D a couple weeks ago and that he wanted out, giving me the "I love you but not like a H should" speech, I ripped the book up and threw it away. I told him about it. He asked why I did that and I told him that I didn't want him using a sex book that I had bought him with another woman. He actually had the nerve to say that I shouldn't have a problem with it. That I should have left it there for him...what a joke.

That is pretty crazy!

WH just called, speak of the devil. He said he took the globe b/c he wanted it. He wanted to show it to someone...gee, I wonder who? And that it's at his brother's now. He told me he has been looking at apartments. Asked me to get together a list of "what I want" from him, so we can go to mediation with some sort of an agreement. It is just so weird talking to him anymore, I don't even know who this man is. He acts like such a different person. Like some stranger that I don't even know. I can't wait to just get on with my life. This is just too much for me to take.

When is the pain going to stop?????? I am in tears over here. Just not having a good moment with all this. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

Stay strong Thankful. We are all sending our best wishes to you. Just know that you are not alone in your feelings, as many of us are there with you.

It feels terrible when you don't feel like you know your spouse anymore. I had a good cry about that yesterday. All the years of being best friends and now we don't even speak.

I wonder if I'd be better off in that situation. Just not speaking any at all, unless it's about the boys. I'm sure I will be in that situation soon as soon as I'm out. I can't imagine that he'd want to continue this "lets have sex and be friends no strings attached" attitude. I will be getting off work soon to go get the boys. Can't wait to see them. then I'm headed home. I always get nervouse when I get close to the house, because I'm afraid of how I might act. How he might act. Last night I didn't say much. He had supper fixed when I got home. I watched a little tv with him. He started to play the playstation, he loves wwII games. I remember when I used to love to play with him and help him. I don't have much interest in it anymore. So, I kissed him, thanked him for my card and went to bed. he asked why, I told him I wasn;t feeeling good. I'm typing very lazily today. Im in a lazy mood. Im in an awful mood. He brought me lunch today. I didn't really want him to. Im in a very weird mood today. Every since I read that card last night I have a "withdrawn" feeling. I'm not sure.
If I dont get to post anymore today I hope yall have a good evening. Relax, and if you need to cry. Cry. Get it out. Sometimes I wonder if one can ever run out of tears. I wish I could. But yall take care of yourself. and I'll be praying for you.

Well looks like we all got through another day. Now we have to get through the evening/night. That's the worst part. The good news is I'll be working tonight until at least 10 PM - so by the time I get home, walk the dog, and get ready for bed - I'm pretty tired. The one wierd thing is - almost from day 1 of our separation I've slept really well. Do you all sleep well? I was afraid of the dreams I'd have - but so far so good in that regard.

I connected with my parents - good news - my mom's bone marrow biopsy came back clean! That's a relief, but we do need to figure out what's wrong with her.

STBXH called this AM checking in about my Mom, haven't heard from him again. That's ok. Probably it's better not to hear from him - gets my hopes up.

Still can't decide how to handle Sunday. Last Sunday afternoon, he called and said he wanted me to come and have dinner, stay the night since it was my house too, and soon the house would not be ours. He quickly added that there would be no pressure for sex. I had plans last Sunday, but asked for a rain check.

Last weekend I really wanted to go. But now I'm not sure. On a practical matter I need to start moving some stuff out of the house. Plus I want to tell him to gather up his financial statements so we can figure out the settelment. I'm going to make it really easy on him - no accountants etc, just give me the statements and I'll do the math (5%) whopeeeee (not).

I guess I'll go, and play the staying over bit by ear. Not sure if I want to do that - may be too depressing.

Thank you both for your encouraging words. Thank goodness those bad feelings passed. I just hate when it happens. As I said, every day is like a roller coaster ride. My mindset now is back into the angry mode. I am glad I got over our conversation this afternoon. I am enjoying my glass of wine now.

Soon, I do not know how you are doing what you're doing.
You must be a very strong woman. I'd be going out of my mind - I'd probably cry every time we were intimate. It is so much better here at the house without my WH being here. It was awful while he was here. He was crying all the time, unable to sleep and then we would go round and round about everything and it would always end up being in front of our son. Which is not good. That's when we decided it was best that he stay at his brothers. I guess I have been holding onto hope that he would realize the grass isn't greener. But it sure seems he is moving on w/his life away from us. I can only imagine how you feel before you get home, knowing he will be there and how you/he will act. I get nervous when my WH is coming over to see the kids. I don't know how to act, so I act calm, cool and collected & then I get asked why I am not saying anything to him. I don't know what he wants from me. I wish we could all just wake the H&^& up from this nightmare & everything be ok. I thank God for my family and friends. I have a support system that is so amazing and I am so thankful. So many people are on my side and boy does that feel good. And thank goodness for my parents - what would I do without them? I just wish we all didn't have to be going thru this.

I told one of my son's teachers at school today. I started crying and she started crying. I wonder what they will think now, seeing me lug in my 9 month old and my 4 year old - no help from the father anymore. All I can say is, you never know what is going on in other people's lives. Ugh, I dread when we have to put the for sale sign up in front of this 2 year old house. I want to puke. They all thought we were perfect. so did I. boy was I mistaken. Its so sad.