I agree with Thankful, Soon you must be strong. I don't think I could handle my STBXW around the house, with all the fog that she was in. It must be tough for you.

I did see my STBXW in the hall at work today. She just gave me this cheesy smile and walked on by, never saying a word. I went back to my office and felt like crying. Best friends for so long, and now nothing. This hurts so bad.

Thankful, I am so sorry. I can not imagine a father walking out on his family like that. It is selfish. How does he sleep at night? How do any of the WSs' sleep knowing what they have done to their families. I just don't understand. Sure, everyone will have problems in their marriage and some will even lose their love, but try to find and fix the problem, and don't throw away your spouse and children. It makes me so mad to think about it.

Thankful, I have those signs up in my yard now. I hate seeing them there. This was our dream home and I thought we would live here the rest of our lives. Everything in it is a memory of our lives together. All gone away now.

Time to think about something good for awhile.

Tired41

Tired, I am so sorry for you also. I can totally relate about the house situation. That's part of my story too. As I said before, I try to walk around and not think about anything. It is SO hard. What I just don't understand is how my husband can sit there and continue to blame this all on me and continue to tell me that this all has NOTHING to do with someone else. That she isn't the reason he lost his feelings for me. When I know darn well that if she wasn't in the picture, he would want to try to work things out with us. Or maybe I am wrong? Maybe he still wouldn't want to work things out. I cannot wait for him to realize his mistake. Talk about going from the frying pan into the fryer. She's married, with 2 kids, comes from a bad relationship and is a recovered, cleaned-up drug user. (No offense to anyone please) I just want to scream!!!!!!!! He isn't even fixing what is wrong with himself, so two broken people are going to be in a relationship together?? That is just going to be a disaster! Why waste our family on that???? He just doesn't see it and that is totally not like him. He keeps blaming how he is acting, on me. All on "what I have done to him". I am so upset tonight for some reason. I feel SO helpless. God please give me strength.

More of the same. My STBXW (40) swears that the OM had nothing to do with her losing her love for me, but right before he came into the picture we were making plans for the future and she gave me a card saying that she would love me with all her heart forever. The OM is a barely literate 26 year old kid living with his parents and working as a stockboy. That is doomed from the start. She threw away our family for that. When the fog came, she lost all reason, all sanity. Everything she said was from the WS Handbook, ILYBNILWY, etc. It is bad when we know what mistakes they are making, but can't do anything about it.

We are helpless against what they do, but we are not regarding what we do. I just keep reminding myself that I did everything possible and suffered much pain for this marriage. At some point in time, when the fantasy world crashes, they will know that. We have nothing to be ashamed of.

Wow, how ironic. 3 weeks before my husband told me he wasn't happy with us, he had given me a card that said "All I want is to love you for the rest of my life, watch our dreams unfold, All I want is to love you forever, etc..." It was a Hallmark, Between You and Me card - He wrote in it, "sorry things are tough right now - we will get thru this - remember, grow old along with me, the best is yet to be" The last part was something he had ALWAYS said to me, about growing old together. I mentioned that card to him a few times since this all came about and he says that he did feel those things and he was trying to see how I would react and that I was acted great for a few days and then back to my old "miserable" self as he put it. It's crazy that he gave me that card a mere 2 1/2 months ago.

Your STBXW definitely sounds like she is heading for disaster with that situation. That is such ashame. I'm so sorry.

*sigh* I am not looking forward to seeing him Saturday morning. he's coming to visit the kids. I wish I looked as beautiful to him as I used to. He always told me that, even when I felt like I looked like crap, or felt like crap. He loved me inside and out. Now, I feel like he looks at me and just is disgusted. I hate that feeling. It doesn't matter what I look like now - the feelings are gone for him.

Good Morning all. Hope everyones evening was well. My H and I had a talk. He kept asking what was wrong, so I told him that the last two days for me have been ****** and that's it's not as easy for me as it was for him. He said "If we don't make it and we go our seperate ways, I'm standing on the brink of losing everything I've known, I'm standing in the same place as you are and it's not easy for me either".
I explained to him that he had a suppport group rooting him on, with people to talk to. I have no one. He asks, "what support group". I told him his co-workers were his support group, not necessarily that they are telling him to go get a divorce, but they are a support group becuase he has female co-workers calling him all the time on his cell. And that he lies about it. I mentioned to him that I knew one of them calls him late at night, and he started the same ol bit of "it's about work" crap and I just told him, "dont give me that crap, it's not about business, and if someone were to call me late at night that I would be honest with him about it and not lie. He said, "99% of the time it is about work , and that one occasion that your talking about when I got a call late last Friday night was her wanting to know if I wanted to go out with her and Pete" WHAT A CROCK. He just told me the other day tha no one knew he was getting divorced , that all the girls thought he was happily married. Which is a lie becuase the affair he had in 04, well he works with her now. So I asked him, if they think you are happily married then why would she be calling you to go out? "Well, that's what most of the people in the office do". I didn't say anything, but I thought, well I don't want to be married to a man who wants to hang out with his female coworkers on Friday nights instead of his family. I asked him later, "why did you tell her you couldn't go out?" You know what he told me he told her? I WAS AT HOME SPENDING TIME WITH MY WIFE AND KIDS. I know he didn't tell her that. He can't tell the truth for nothing. If there was nothing to hide, then why did he lie to me and tell me that it was his dad calling. I'd rather him just told me the truth than lie to me. He also told me that he has no desire for another woman in his life. That "if we don't make it" all he wants to spend his time on is work, the boys and hunting. I honestly think this man is a habitual liar. Is there such a thing? It's nights like last night, and days like today when I tell myself, why on earth do I want to be married to a man like that? It makes it easier for me on days like this. when I'm so mad that I could bite nails. But then I just go back to the "oh i love him want him need him' feelings". This is so upsetting to me, that I'll sit there and listen to his lies knowing full well that he's lying, get mad-tell myself I don't need this-and then go back to wanting him again. the Door Mat syndrome.
Sleeping? I take something to help me. Usually Tylenol's Simply Sleep. But I find myself waking up several times a night reaching over to make sure he's there. I dread when I move out, waking up and reaching over, and he's not there. It is hard coming home, I like it but I don't like it. One thing he said that's been on my mind is the "if we don't make it" thing. What in the haites does that mean? He** were going to get a D. That's pretty much in my mind the same thing as not making it. Does he think this D is just some kind of trial seperation thing so that he can make up his mind? I don't get him.
Hopeful: Have you thought any more about the weekend? I don't know what to tell you. What do you feel in your heart? What do you feel in your mind? It's hard for me to make decisions too when it comes to these things. I feel I'm not capable of deciding what's right. Like for instant, H suggested that we go to Harrah's casino and spend the weeekend in the next couple of weeks. I want to go, but at the same time, should I go? and why? And praise the Lord for your mother's great test results and I hope they find out what's wrong with her. Keep us up to date.
Well it seems like we have our own little group here. I like it. We can cry, bit**, whine and moan all we want. I just wish it could somehow make us feel better. Take away all of our pain and sorrow.
I'll type with yall soon, have a good day and pray. And Lord please let us all be patient, we know that you don't work on our time. Help us through this day and bring some smiles to our faces. Give us faith and hope that someday soon we'll see the rainbow after the storm. Sorry this is so long! I'll try to make it shorter next time.

Hi Soon,

I too enjoy this group, and wish I could say or do something to make everyone feel better. It seems like reality might be hitting your H, I hope so. He does seem to be fence sitting a little bit, and I will never understand the lies. I would have been much less suspicious of my STBXW if she would just have told me the truth, but they have to lie. IMHO, if he saw that you are serious about letting him go, opening the cage door, that he would come to his senses pretty fast.

I do the same thing with deciding that I don't want a cheater and a liar for a spouse, and then lonliness creeps in and I start thinking about how good it used to be and how much I miss her. I would have done anything for this woman, made any changes to help her be happy, but she wouldn't even try. It is tough when they move out and you reach for them in the night, I've done that many times, but you will stop reaching after a while.

I'm praying for all of us.

Tired

From our conversation it does sound that he is fence sitting. I love him and I want to be with him more than anything and would change anything he wanted to get him back. But after our conversation last night, I decided that even if he did come back there were things I would not accept: the female phone calls would have to be stopped, if it's not about work, then it doesn't need to be said. If he wants to go out with coworkers, then he needs to bring me along or he needs to go in a group. We would have to get into some kind of MC. And the lies would have to stop. I don't care what it's about. Thay have to stop.

He would have to be an open book to me, And the same thing for me as well. Allthough I already am.

I know I will stop reaching eventually. I just dread that road. OK, tears welling up. Gotta go breathe and count to ten.