I received a "cease and disist" certified letter from OW today (not her lawyer or anything, just the first initial letter).

I have contacted her all of twice:

1) after I found a cd of love songs from her to my husband (in June)
2) yesterday, after she posted a photo of them together on a profile to a college community site we share (although I have blocked her, she has posted to a mutual friends wall and I am confronted with this photo whenever I message my friend.) I would consider this post of her photo more "malicious harassment" than anything I have sent her.

Yesterday, I insisted my husband tell her to remove all of her photos of them together and take steps to 1) end the relationship – he felt that "not talking to her anymore" was "enough" and 2) continue to keep the relationship ended by protecting our relationship and updating his own profile to include a preview pic of us and changing his blank status to "married." (It previously said he was in a relationship with me, but I believe a few weeks ago he decided to block me and it deleted me from his page. He insists that he didn't block me, but there are not a lot of other explanations and he did nothing to fix it, although he has been on the site several times since then.)

I understand that there is nothing I can really do to "make my husband" do anything until he decides to take action towards breaking off their relationship and reconciling ours, but would it be beneficial to suggest he add a legal "cease and desist" verbage at the end? (Would it be beneficial to type up a "sample" letter for him to just sign and mail off if he agrees to everything – seems strange for him to write it, me review it and then approve it or make him rewrite/add something – is this just part of the "process" and makes him take responsibility?) I already copied and sent the info from Dr. H on the website three weeks ago and he's still done nothing.

Nothing has worked in the past. He has "broken it off" with her several times. (He's said this and a mutual friend confirmed it), but then OW always comes back and "cries and begs" and he somehow takes her back. (I'm sick of all this!)


Can I file a harassment/restraining order against her and require that she stay away from me and/or any members of my immediate/extended family, etc. Stay 500 ft away (?). Remove/destroy any photos she may/may not have of me and/or my family and require that she disist any "malicious harassment" that she has caused emotionally.

We are considering moving to his college town where they both go to school bc the communte is killing him, but I am certainly apprehensive having my own apartment in "their" town (not that it would be so much different than what he is doing now with me being here and him going up there and staying up there for however long he wants with her at her place between breaks, etc.

Either way one/both of us is commuting and for eight or more hours I am not around. At least if I "lived" in his town, I would be around "more" on the weekends and have "more" access to the college & gym where they used to work out and he works (and she continues to show up to) although he insists he has not spoken with her for three weeks. (but then that he does run into her in passing "once in a while.") Of course I don't know what to believe anymore, and I'm a bit concerned that I'm being a very naïve fool to believe the best of everything he says (although what he says continues to not "add up" and I continue to find out more things that are untrue. Things that he said he would tell me.

Anywhoos, I gave him to the end of the week to write the NC letter and if anyone thinks a legal "cease and desist" tagged on to the end would be more/less beneficial, or if I should wake up and smell the roses you can feel free to slap me silly. I don't think there are many more tears left to cry.

We have been in Plan A since September, (although I didn't do a very good job meeting one of his top 5 needs – DS – and several he refused to let me meet – RC). The night before I asked him to leave we were going to "start over" again. I made him b'fast the next morning, cleaned the whole house while he was at work and had dinner on the table when he came home. Then... I found out and asked him to leave. He told his parents what happened and then stayed with a friend in his college town the next week (although he was suppose to be staying in town with them). He came over two days later and told me everything, seemed repentant, but has taken no action to change his behavior or reconcile.

(I believe that my over-zealousness to stay in Plan A may be the current cause of him staying away as he may think he can have things "both ways" and I'll always be there. Perhaps I should have given him that one perfect day and gone to Plan B. Last week I stopped pursuing him and it's been a bit better, but he still hasn't broken it off with her.)

He is currently living with his parents and "is not ready to come home." He insists that he saw "no improvement" although my biggest LB was AO, which used to happen daily with some of the most petty things and in the last four months only concerned her less than four times due to trying to deal with it, which I did mostly on my own. (I saw them together in Sept. and know that their relationship has been going on for more than a year. When I had access to his email I continued to find out information regarding OW. He continues to make excuses that nothing will ever be better, blah blah blah and I guess if that's what he wants to believe no amount of "doing" will ever really change his mind. (will it?)

Ready for Plan B and losing my love. Is it time?

Please contact me via email, as I am unable to post responses to existing posts (must be a browser thing). You can post here as well and I will read it and can respond if an email address is included.

Best, SBD
deckers78@yahoo.com