Kim-

Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgh I lost my whole post!!!

I sent you an e-mail. I think you are overthinking what your husband is saying. He doesn't have the same tools at his disposal as you do.

I sent you a copy of Truehearts letter, I really think that he would benefit from it.

Send it out with your DS the next time he comes to get him.

God Bless,

-Caren

Caren -

I'll go check my e-mail -

Kim

Caren - sent you an e-mail reply.

I think I'm off to bed. Going to do some reading.

I just don't think I need to feel like I am pushing a rope here.

Kim

Another note - WH says he wrote the letter BUT he would like to know how it is going to be delivered or even better, he would like to see a counselor before it is sent.

He listed the name of someone he was referred to & their number stating he would call them if I wanted him to.

He ended the note with a "love, WH"

I am trying to figure out how to respond. My energy level is back up, so I feel like I could handle another phone call with him to discuss "how the letter will be delivered". He still wants to protect OW.

I don't think it's a good idea to choose a 3rd counselor. I would either say our original one or SH who has spoken to both of us twice. Of course, the $$ is always an issue.....I think SH might be the best next step rather than me trying to discuss the "letter" with WH. Perhaps a joint call?????

Kim

He would like to see a counselor before the letter is sent?? What is that about? Is that as in "I will send the letter if the counselor says our marriage is salvageable" or is that "I need the counselor to word the letter so OW doesn't spin into a suicidal depression"

If you ask WH how HE would like the letter delivered, maybe that would tell you what he is thinking. I think a billboard on her front lawn would be fine <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Jean -

I can always count on you for a giggle!! Does he think that I don't want to see it also? He is SO without a Plan to protect me!!!

Kim

I think he TRULY believes that this letter will set off OWH and cause him to beat her.

Like having an A with her wouldn't have done it already.

GEEZ. So, once again something I am asking WH to do is going to result in OW getting beaten. I am so over this.

Mel suggested I have a conversation with WH, asking him what his PLAN was. Maybe it's time I did that. I just don't know what to do with this......

Kim

OR, perhaps WH would like it if I sent OWH a quick e-mail ---

OWH - my husband has finally decided to work on our M partly b/c your wife has dumped him. Would it offend you at all if my WH sent your wife a quick note asking her not to contact him ever again?? That he has realized the pain he has caused everyone and wants to try to put his family back together? He's a bit concerned that you might be upset with a note like that. Best, Kim

Seriously though, I am trying to figure out my best strategy!!

Kim

How about "WH, what is your objective and how are you going to achieve it??"

Yep, it needs to be put back on him - NOT that he gets to set the conditions, but I need to hear hi action plan.

Whelp, Just got a call from WH. Left a voice mail. Was about a bill, and said for me to call him if I wanted to talk about the letter or counseling...... Said he hoped I was doing fine....

I think I will call him tomorrow night.

Kim

Kim, I would agree to speak to SH, if I were you. I get the sense here, though, that he is looking for more stall tactics and will balk when you suggest that the nc letter also go to the OWH. That is because he still wants to get the affair secret. I wouldn't even humor his bullsh** about being "concerned" about the OW's safety. Tell him you know that was all a lie and not to even go there.

The letter must also be approved by you and MUST BE SINCERE. Tell him if you aren't convinced that it is sincere that you aren't interested. I would ask to see the letter.

Just remember, he has no room for negotiation here, although he still thinks he has leverage. He doesn't. I think a phone call would be good to clear the air and ensure he understands the point of the letter. It will also give you a chance to gauge his sincerity.

Steve Harley would be the BEST gauge of his sincerity, IMO.

Kim,

How is the letter to be sent? What I am thinking is if he sent the letter, he could call OW and tell her to be at the mail box when the mail arrives so her H doesn't see it. How would you know if OWH read it? How would you know if OW got it?

Lady

What I can't figure out is why is WH afraid to let OWH's know that he is going to stop messing around with his wife??

Mel - I will call him tomorrow night. It's time for another talk. I'll still have your "explanation" on the NC letter so I will tell WH what a NC letter means. I don't need a counselor to tell me whether or not it is a good idea.

Have there been recoveries without a NC Letter?????

Lady - My plan was to mail the letter. I could send it so OW would have to sign perhaps if I really needed proof. Anyway, OWH works during the day & she doesn't. Odds are pretty darn good that she would get to the letter first. I say send the letter & be done with it. Don't worry about it after it gets the stamp & is dropped in the mail.

I will talk to WH tomorrow & let him know I'd like for us to both speak to SH on a joint call.

Kim

Kim - Talk to SH. I'm concerned that your husband is still buying the wife beater story and still more worried about the OW, who CHOSE to have the affair, than you.

And I'm worried about you being willing to take him back under these conditions.

Perhaps OW always claimed it was "just a friendship" and that my WH needed "someone to talk to?" to her H.

I don't know what good keeping it a secret does. It is already out in the open.....

Kim

Kim, another thing you could do to ensure that the OWH gets it is send him an email version of it. Be sure and ask your H to cc the OWH on the letter so she will know that a copy is going to him too.

Believer - You are right, WH still buys into that. It's so frustrating.

Mel - That is a definite idea to consider!!

Kim

See, I think that only reason your H could possibly have for keeping it a secret from OWH is so that he can continue the affair. This is why I think it is SOOO important that the OWH get a copy of this letter. Otherwise, I seriously question your H's sincerity.

I don't buy his excuse that the OW will get beaten up, since the OWH ALREADY knows about the affair. He hasn't "beat her up" for having an affair, he surely wouldn't beat her up for breaking up. That makes no sense and I don't believe this is your H's REAL FEAR. I think his REAL FEAR is that the letter will expose the affair, which will ruin his set up.

There should be NO MORE SECRETS!