Dude, I like your style.

I had some comments about doctors abroad, and in particular a specific Chinese proctologist in Thailand, but then thought better of posting them.

As for counsellors, there's all kinds out there. I've had lots of both. You shoulda seen the first marriage counselor I went to see. Once. He talked for an hour about how much acid he did in the sixties, charged me a hundred bucks, and told me if I could get my wife in, he'd be able to read her like a book and tell me if I could save my marriage or not. I left wondering if he thought it was still the sixties...

Anyway, I just wanted to give you my official advice for the day.

Which is for you to relax.

I know how much it hurts to see your spouse 'in love' with someone else. Oh Gawd how I know...

And I don't know how I got through it... but somehow I did... and when I see others doing it... bearing the pain because it is what their Love for their spouse and family demands... well, I get a huge surge of respect for you, m'man.

If you were here, It'd be like big hug moment or something.

There is an end to this. The pain does stop. And there comes a time when you are looking back at it.

Your wife is potentially at beginning of a process that is going to be very difficult for her, depending on her personality. So please be patient with her.

I was just hit by a memory of Dylan sitting at the computer, MB loaded and waiting, with me standing behind her, "So there ya go, you can post. You can read, if you want. Are you going to post? Huh? Huh? Do you think you will? I think it'd be great if you did..."

And yes, I actually did this. I was mocking myself at the time.

And now I get to mock you. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

Er... using me mocking me as an examle...

Which... er... might not be very well laid out...

ahem...

But do you think 20,000 volts is enough? That will only stun...

WW is posting on MB. She does so at least once a day I think will keep after it. She said she got thread-jacked last night. I told her to start a new one if she felt like it. I blocked her posts so I can't see them. I have no interest in seeing what she posts - only that she is posting. I also swore on a Bible that I would not read. Short-sighted thinking on my part. Oh well.....

In reality WW saved my sanity last night. You are right. The thought I had the whole time she was holding me was "but she loves someone else". If there is hope that this will change, if there is hope that we might R, if there is hope our children will grow up in a loving and complete family, well...I guess there is hope. That is what all you you keep telling me anyway.

As far as IC, I don't think we're in Kansas any more, Toto. I never had to look any further than my own back yard. I think I have what I need and always have. Eye of the tiger.....

In the end, there's a bottom line. But to get there, there are many routes. I stopped reading Dylan's email because what I was reading was really hurting me. Not so much what she wrote... but mostly what others were writing to her!!! It just took that sense of betrayal and made it bigger.

I may not like the route she's taking towards (possible) reconciliation but as long as she gets there, that's the most important thing. This is a lot easier to bear if I'm not having daily crisis over some email or post.


That's like being punched in the stomach and kicked in the kidney both at the same time. And it's a feeling I have yet to learn to escape...

but I remind myself that what they had was a homewrecking affair... not a love story.

An attraction? Yes. Chemistry? Yes. But Love? No. Not by a long shot.

Their relationship was built on the ruins of a family and the pain of a gentle man and an innocent child. And Love does not do that.

Love is holding on to a marriage even though you've been hurt terribly. Love is fighting to keep a family intact for your children. Love is being patient and compassionate while your wayward works out her $hit. Love is forgiving your spouse for hurting you so bad. Love is when you continue to offer your devotion even when th'other person doesn't really deserve it.

That's what Love is.

So there.

I'm having a rough time these past few days too. Today in particular. W ran into OP this weekend. She told me about it, but there was a lot that was 'personal' and wasn't shared with me. Which kinda sucks, but is within the terms of our agreement. It sucks mostly because lots of times I forget the true nature of our relationship at this point. Things like this catch me off guard, and it takes some time for me to recover.

Honesty and Openness is probably my biggest EN these days and probably will remain in that position. Without that, how can you even identify any of the other ENs? Hopefully you will get to a point where your Wife will give you the go-ahead to read her posts. I'm sure you (like me) have many questions you need answers to in order to progress along certain routes of healing.

Anyway, just hang in there, dude.
ttfn,
J

I am not interested in what she says because it is ultimately counterproductive. I only want her to be able to talk to people she can help her understand she is not alone. I have to make my decisions based on me. I also have to remember that what WW says may not be entirely true and it might just be fog babble - a tempest full of sound and fury signifying nothing.

If she cannot feel safe on MB, it is pointless. I also cannot go back on my word. I just hate that!

The failed IC was hard on me but I clicked my heals together three times and my ruby slippers have brought me back to reality. Also somehow the thought of a big hug from you, well, yeech! No seriously I appreciated your post. I like it much better than Bigger's post telling me to get off my butt and stop feeling sorry for myself. Bigger is just no fun at all.

It is interesting to see your definition of love. I thought it just meant never having to say you're sorry. I need to stop watching "Love Story".

I got the swing installed last night. It is way good. Now, if you will excuse me, I am going to install the laser-guided bees.