FYI~
I was really hoping to bring WW to MB. Last week I thought she might join and start posting. I know she has been lurking around but right now she has slipped back deep into OM's fog and is not looking for much marriage help again.

I don't really know where to start, so I will just dive in.

Today is Friday... I really hate week ends any more, because that is play time for OM and WW. Every week end OM has plans on taking her out of town and into Fantasy Island.
They have been all over the state in the past months.
The overland park mall, Lawerance, Topeka, Wichita, Manhattan.
Anything that OM can do to keep her head in the clouds, he is doing it. Taking her shopping to malls buying her and our daughter gifts, dinner dates and hotel rooms...PUKE..

Right now I guess I am kinda venting... It is just that right now I am so emotionally starving. I miss companionship of my wife. I am so lonely for fun, laughter, happy conversation, acceptance and affection.

This affair of hers approximately a year old now. I can't believe it has been that long. D-Day is almost six months now. For me 2005 will be a year to have deleted from my brain.
WW actually had a good idea about that a couple of weeks ago. She asked if we could get one of those mind erasers like from the movie "men in black". Man I wish those were avaiable... Just think of how many people would buy them...
It would be unreal how many BS & WS would buy them.

On a real note...
The count down is now at just 10 days.
In 10 days WW's divorce petetion must either be dismissed as presented in court on 1-9-06 or sign by WW and finalized.
In our state this can happen even if all the assets and child custody is up in the air.
We would just have to continue going to court to litigate.

I really believe that WW thinks in 10 days she will have her answer... Either BS or OM...
Do i think that will be it for her... Sadly no... Do I think OM will remove himself from this? NO...
Why would he... He is getting 90% of her plus SF...
Yes, he is an obsessed control freak, nut job, that wants complete domination of her so he keeps pushing for more and her divorce to go final and her in his apartment.

As Mortarman once said, that is actually a good thing so this will not continue to stall and drag on. However, WW keeps stringing on OM and keeping me on life support.

I know she can not make her mind up. She wants either me or OM to just give up on her.
She has actually has implied this....

Parent/Teacher conf's was last night. Daughter is not doing so well... Each teacher all said she has lost that sparkle in her eyes. She acts like she don't care anymore... They all asked what is wrong with her...
This was good for WW to hear... Last night we WW came home she set with her head down for awhile and acknowledged it is her fault that daughter is struggling...
Really sad... Daughter got her first D on any report card in her life. She has only had 1 C ever... and never at the end of the semester has she had lower than a B.

I just want to make some comments...
It appears that my educating of WW has really back fired on me.
She must tell him everything... Well how could she not... When he demands she talk to him on the phone or email all day long what else is there to talk about...
Anyway, Everything I have done to show her what a freak he is has back fired one way or another.
He turns everything back around and blames either me, or her for it... Of course she believe him and now she thinks OM is great again.
Just a couple of weeks ago he was done... He was eating pills and chugging cough syrup while lying on the floor begging her to not leave him and she did anyway.
Control freak was blowing up and going nuts... Displaying his true colors as obsession, control freak, stalking, ultimatum man, sick basturd self... She was coming home scared of him and really moving my way...
I would say she was off the fence and back on my side of the fence...

She starts telling me all about this loser all the while he stalking her and making threats and demands... She keeps moving closer to me and away from him....

I give her education about obsession and how its not really love... She goes out and buys books about obsession and addiction....
She is so addicted that she can't turn him away when he continually stalks her... She tells him all the things he doing to scare her away... Starts telling him about the book she is reading and how is obsessed... Then starts trying to fix him and help him...
Out of despiration, he stops making demands and threats.
She tells him I have the police ready to pounce on him, so he stops the drive by stalking... I thought this would make her feel more comfortable at out home... It did... Also make her think is not so nuts because now is is not visibly stalking her... BACK FIRED...
So she thinks he is just so in love with her... He has time to get her over to his parents so he can openly appologize to her and get his parents back on her side... This was important for OM because WW really thinks his parents are great and she has burned her bridge with my family...

When OM's mommy called her a horrible cheat, she was crushed. So, now OM has got band aids all in place for her and she thinks he is not so bad again...

Also, OM know's that the divorce paper will need to be signed in 10 days... Knowing that OM only sees her as a prize must think that this is the finish line and once the 27th comes, he is a winner...
What an idiot he is....

Sadly I think that WW is going to have to lose me in order to appreciate me.
When I am finally gone and she is screwed is probably the only way she will realize what a mistake she has made.

Well the way i see it is this...
OM wants her in his apartment now and for sure the final week leading up to the 27th... This way he can get the final push on her to get her to sign her life away.

The final week end leading up to Monday the 27th should be interesting...

Once the 27th comes and goes, and she is still not sure about what to do and being with OM... I predict he will erupt like a super valcano...

I think I just need to keep in a plan A mode until the 27th and at first sign of confrontation with WW, back off and get away...
She is under huge amounts of stress right now and can barely even function right now... Next week she may need to be checked into a hospital...
She is back to making suicide comments again as well. If i had to guess I would say that OM will probably make a big push to get her to move out again this week end. That way he has her all to himself next week for this his imaginary finish the following Monday.

This week she has really tried to push me hard again. She has tried to detact herself from my kindness. Complaining again about me doing anything she sees as acts of kindness.

Yesterday she tried to get me to agree to understand that i should be the one left alone and why she should be with OM...
I have a feeling that she is sending OM my email and or telling him everything I am saying to her so he can process it and turn it around...

It seems that WW and OM are really trying hard to make Fantasy Island come back to life just as it was before D-Day.
It seems her actions and attitude towards me have regressed backwards to somewhere around D-Day.
She is no longer talking to me about OM at all.
She is back to emailing, texting, and calling OM regularly.
She is back to going to lunch with him every day.
She went out of town with him for the day last week end and came home with gifts.
She is back to pushing me to give her permission or agree to a divorce and her being with OM.
She is back to being missing for a couple hours a night.
A holiday came and went, and she blew me off for OM and I got nothing at all in return.

Where I am goin with all this is that I think she is just trying to if Fantasy Island is real or not...
Well from someone that is not lost in the fog like WW... Anyone could see that OM is just back in hiding his real self because he knew it was all but over for him and he seen the end... Also, he thinks it will all be over in just 10 days....

So WW is once again looking into the fog and seeing nothing but a lying fraud in OM...

Dazed-

Email me. stormowl01@hotmail.com

Dazed. buddy, I ain't got nothing new to offer you with the wife, so I won't try.

I will say that if'n you and DD need something to do tonight. Me and my DD13 are heading over to South High about 5:45 to watch some basketball. Heck, if'n it fit your schedule we could grab a bite before the game....

I stick wtih my beliefs my friend.

I think you should end on high note with plan A..wrap A up now.


imho...time for plan B. and for full custody of child.

and remember my friend...NEVER TELL AN ALIEN YOUR PLANS TO COUNTERACT THEIR INVASION...that's what you did w/your ww. you told her...you educated her...and she blabbed...and they will try to use it against you.

this is why only thing which can end the fog is REALITY...hard, tough reality...where she is painted as a mom who has literally abandoned her dd and has had very unstable actions around this child and has been emotionally and verbally abusive to the BOTH of you for the last seven months or so. and then comes in the addiciton problems of om...his swigging cough syrup, etc..taking pills...and the stalking behaviors.

get your ww on the stand in court, and she will see how serious this is...and how bad she and om appear in REALITY to the real world.

again my friend...love and protect your dd. your ww listening to the teachers? that had to be huge...and can be used by YOU in court...

it's not you vs. your w...

it is you vs. the aliens..the ws and om.

if ww is allowed to fall, she may just morph back into your wife again.

I just don't see it happening any other way my friend. I sure wish I could say with conviction that you should plan a until divorce court time...

but I think it is nolonger best.

best defense is a good offense and considering she is unstable, still shacking up and sf with om, and om is NOW AROUND YOUR DD BUYING HER GIFTS...I'd come down hard legally now. don't lose custody b/c you give the enemies too much ammo to play with ok?

dazed...

I don't post to you often, becasue I know your not gonna like what I think here...

YOUR WIFE is pulling all the strings here. SHE is in a position of control over you and OM both...and she loves it.

You have to put a stop to this. She is playing a game she loves. She will never stop it.

Low

One thing I wanted to add...

WW is still living out of our home. Yes, all of her stuff is there and she sleeps there but she basically has not life any more.
The gifts she has given to our daughter she gave as if they are from herself not OM.
However, I don't see any proof that she paid for them.
I think he is paying for them just to score points with her.

Is it wrong of me to ask to see proof of purchase? I feel like if she did not pay for them then they sould go in the trash can..
Would it be wrong of me to take them from daughter after she has them... I think so, but I just hate it... I think anything that puke has bought our daughter should be burned...

Yeah, I screwed up by giving her to much information when I thought she was on my side. It really backfired and fuel this the fraud to continue...

Hey on a lighter note:
Peach I wanted to tell you that me a daughter watched Star wars return of the sith a couple of weeks ago. It really is a good comparison of a sith to an OP and Darth being twisted, used and decieved by the dark side.
My daughter quickly made the same comparison with out me even saying a word.

Owl-
Our company email firewall is now blocking email to and from Yahoo, Hotmail, MSN, and Google...

MR. & MRS.W
Any news on your front?
I have not been able to email from work and my home computer is down again...
Also lost your phone number....

LOL...OK...try Lycos mail


karegh@lycos.com

No big deal. I'm thinking that you and I are in the same area my friend. Would like to see if that's the case, maybe we can get together or something.

Dazed:

I agree, time for plan B.

You don't need the drama. It's consuming you.

-ol' 2long

Dazed,

I'm praying for you.

dazed,

I don't post to your thread often but I have been following your story and I am amazed at how strong you have been. There is absolutely no way I could have been as determined as you are to save your M given how destructive your WW is.

You have received some incredible advice and you still are. I'm sure your Plan A will go down in the MB archives as one of the best ever. However the time is approaching for Plan B. I know you don't want to go there (I don't either), but you could be stuck in the fray for a long time.

Listen to the good people here...they haven't steered you wrong yet and I don't think they will now.

As an outsider looking in I can tell you your current situation is ripe for Plan B.

good luck

I've read EVERY post in regards to your situation the past few months and I am not a good advice-giver, but seriously, cut the cord already. Face the facts that sometimes marriages do not work, or too much damage has been done to repair it. Sever this cancer, rebuild your life with your kid. You deserve better.

Dazed: Thinking of you. I have a feeling this is going to work out in the end. Whichever way it goes will be better for you and your daughter. Best wishes..

Dazed,
I hope you find peace soon. I'll keep you in my thoughts.

Dazed, as most here I've followed your post....incredible!! Hopethisworks and I and You seem have somewhat similar situations. Your Plan A is as good as they get (going by what you've told us!)

Plan B is awesome for the BS!! (Been there for a month and a half). If you approach it from the standpoint that, you've given your best, but time to build "yourself" and set your priorities (God, DD, yourself, rest of family, friends, etc...) your pain will fade....and in your case....rather rapidly. The task at hand will then be your ability to completely stay dark....(as Sendmeonmyway states: let her choke on it!!). Then, recognizing, down the road, when the WW morphs back into W, if ever, and if you are interested!!

God bless your efforts!! My Plan A was for 3.5 months, and ended by my WW moving out. Plan B has been great for me and my DD6 and DD3. WW, tries to engage, but so far I have rejected those engagements. The transition from A to B needs to be a sharp line....no giving in!!! Full effect to give what the Harley's call "the most powerful position for the BS". No guarentees, but from the outsider's perspective, your Plan A has been impeccable!! You truly are in the best Plan B position, from what you've told us. But don't "wait for her", just focus on yourself, kids, God, etc.

A few more days of Plan A!! Give it your best! Then do the 180 of Plan B, if necessary, and do it sharply...as if you have just "given up". Your WW will be rocked, I'm sure!!! Then, watch for her attempts to cake-eat again. Your biggest challenges lie ahead!! Good luck, my friend!! There are many of us BH's that are right there with you!!

God bless!
MWIL

Why let her abuse her family and suck the life blood out of it right to the day she can finalize the divorce? (if I understand that correctly) She is using you and your daughter as a lifeboat while she rows to her mirage. Let her swim the last mile ON HER OWN!

Give her the letter, cut off all financial assistance that she is using to finance the affair. Sit down with your daughter’s principal and teacher and let them know what’s going on, that you will no longer allow your daughter to be exposed to this affair and that you hope and pray your WW returns, but that you are done trying to convince her otherwise. She needs to figure that on her own. Plant the matrimonial flag behind your lines for her to see as she wanders around in no-mans land looking for another deeper foxhole to save her from herself. Treat her like a suicide bomber….get some cover and distance.

This thread has my blood boiling! I can’t believe her. Blech!!

Dazed-

I agree, time for Plan B. (Past time actually).

I, however, have a different take on your wife.

She seems to be being led around by OM, like she is unsure what else to do.

A lot of times they see that they've damaged their marriage so badly that the OP seems like a good alternative because they're still, for all intents and purposes, a clean slate.

We, of course, know this isn't true. You've apparently been Plan Aing for a long time. I think your only alternative is Plan B.

Plan A isn't cutting it.

Let him try to meet all her needs......YOU know he can't do it. YOU know who can, and so does she.

I'm sorry you've gone through all of this.

God Bless,

-Caren

dazed...you quit posting...

I know you hate it when people tell you plan b time is here.

I know you do.

but it is time.

been past time.

it has to happen.

I agree w/poster who says to cut off ws and finances to help her live this immoral lifestyle. let her have the teeny apartment. call attny. tell her that you're giving her want she wants...and you do what you should do. Make it seem as though you're giving it to her.

Time for her to move out and into that teeny apartment. Let the OM support her. NO financial help from dazed until the court decides so...or NOT. And custody? file for full custody. heck after all, since she wants to start over, with the OM...you need to go for full custody.

Tell her you can't continue, you or your dd continue like this. Tell her you love her, but not WHO SHE IS NOW. Tell her if she sees your wife, that her husband is looking for her and misses her and loves her much. hand the plan b letter to her as you lead her out the door.

It's time for her to finally see what she has done. let the om try to do all.

I have an even different picture of your ww. I see her using her femininity to make both men unstable and wacked out. I see her as playing both guys to the max. and I believe she's done it well from the beginning.

again, I will restate my thoughts:
1)she is to OM: sweet as honey, manipulating, promising a new life together, conspiring with him to get her apartment, car, etc. And telling the OM LIES ABOUT HER H...you..lies that you are abusive, dominating, cruel, etc..that she just needs her "day in court" and all will be fine in fantasyland. and yes, they're having sf.
2)she is to DAZED: sad, depressed, manipulating, guilt tripping. Promising that if she moved home she'd stop seeing OM. TELLING H LIES ABOUT THE OM...lies that he is abusive, controlling, stalker, etc. conspiring with you to house her and feed and clothe her while she takes her ongoing affair fuirther underground with OM. Pretends she is making a big mistake...pretends and knows how to do it long enough to make sure her moneytrain doesn't run away and leave her in the dust.

Your WW GREATEST FEARS:
1)LEGAL EXPOSURE IN COURT...that the whole world finds in court that she is an adulteress, a very manipulative woman and a mother who has been reckless and endangered her own dd dumping the child off with hormonally challenged teen boys and LYING AS TO THE WHEREABOUTS OF HER CHILD...pretending the child is with her when in realiyt the child was dumped off with xsil and the teen boys.
2)FEAR OF MONETARY LOSS..she is afraid she can't after the divorce go out and buy cute and stylish clothes...her "pop" she drinks in the morning. Trips to the salon for pampering...fear of losing any marital savings she "feels" she rightly deserves.
3)FEAR OF LOSS OF HOME..she does not really like the small apartment the OM secured for her. It is not her real home. in reality, she wants DAZED TO GET REMOVED from the home if she could...taking the home and tuning it into a shackfest. she is afraid of losing her property..the house. and afraid of living in a teeny apartment..

SUMMATION:
Mrs. Dazed imho, is NOT some shy little flower "led astray" by a predator of an OM. NOT AT ALL. I think it is she who has toyed with the minds of TWO MEN...and also with the mind of her poor daughter. I believe she would sell dazed down the river in a heartbeat if she believed she could recoup any of the above losses in the divorce. If only she could have an amicable divorce...or else turn the tables on dazed legally she could get her way. she has NEVER HAD TO FACE THE SHAME that one feels in a court of law when the truth is read aloud. I oughta know. They did this to my xh. About 300 people heard it and AUDIBLY GASPED IN HORROR AND SHOCK at his insensitive and immorality.

Time to turn the spotlight on the affair. Make the spotlight follow the OM and your WW around until it's so darn uncomfortable for them that either she gets off the stage she's been pretending on for so long or they run for the hills. And dazed, you'd best be prepared for either outcome happening my man b/c that is where it is now.

She will either respond to a plan B coupled with the renewal of your legal interest in the divorce NOW or she will not.

If you drive a hard line with this...since she has such few options...you have the best chance with success.

I've preached this to you from day one having been married myself to the ULTIMATE CAKE EATER...the ultimate WS. And I know what has gotten thru his fog and what has NOT. He was never allowed to experience some of this pain b/c he kept his money hidden so well that nobody, not even lawyers could find it. And he's so financially secure, he can hide behind large gated doors on his "lakeside estate" being built that those gates also cut off the pain to his soul.

don't you want the real chance to get your wife...your real wife back?

GET SOME SPUNK. Remove the DOORMAT from the doorway to your home. IT'S GONE BROTHER!

I am not saying be nasty, mean, or have any negative words to her.

I would APPROACH HER AS SHE HAS APPROACHED YOU WHEN SHE HAS WANTED SOMETHING FROM YOU. I'd tonight begin talking differently (it's saturday and you can get her out tomorrow)...talking gently to her. Begin washing her clothes and change your demeanor. Get the plan B letter typed. I'd tell her that you're tired of sharing her. That she is finally free to do what she has wanted. That her OM is waiting. I'd shed some tears for her too. I'd show her that you love her, but you can't do this anymore. That the line is drawn. And you're going to do whatever is best for your family, that you love her and wish her well...but you can't live this lie anymore...ANYMORE.

I'd gently pack her things, and allow her to call the OM and have him come get her. I'd also let her know that you have evidence their affair never stopped and you can't do this anymore...that her lies have driven this to happen.

Tell her that if she meets your wife anywhere, to give her this letter. Hand wife the letter. Tell her how much you love her. And tell her that if you can't have your wife, then you're life is better alone with your daughter. That a family is defined by love, not by having two parents and a child. That you will go on and you will always put your child first. Dazed, I actually told my WS these same words and left him with my plan B letter complete with my little gold band inside the letter.

Let her walk out the door. It has to happen. Let it happen. And when SHE WALKS OUT THE DOOR..the COURT WILL KNOW IT.

She will have a choice. To abandon or not to.

And she needs to be ALLOWED TO WALK OUT THE DOOR.

if she walks out, she is DESTINED FOR FAILURE WITH THE OM...

Look dazed. Either she will wake up from the fog after a sharp piercing dose of reality or she will drive herself down further into it as my xwh did. Either way SHE WILL WAKE FROM THE FOG ONE DAY...

My prayer is she wakes up before she does something so bad and so incredibly stupid that there is no coming back...AND THAT WILL BE FROM YOUR DECISION...NOT HERS. Dazed, the end decision is yours. The BS imho, will always have a moment at some point where the WS tries to come back. Mine did feebly. And could not pull him self out of the fog. And he's miserable today b/c of HIS ACTIONS...not b/c of WHAT I DID OK?

She is a grown woman. Let her succeed in life and let her fail. This is a stupid decision she has made, and she will fail. My xh's affair marriage has been a miserable failure. Not EVEN THREE MONTHS OF REAL FIDELITY IN THEIR WHOLE SHAM OF A MARRIAGE...and nobody said it would last..lmao.

You gotta get up the cajones to bring this to a head. It's not happening any other way. What you're doing now is NOT DIFFERENT THAN ANY THING YOU'VE DONE FOR THE LAST THREE MONTHS. I remember writing to you that she'd be back by the end of january had you allowed her to walk out door and do harsh plan B followed by legal hammer hitting her hard.

No. You didn't do it. And she pretended at the courthouse to "repent and come home"...she talked and LIED enough to get you to bring her home and STOP the divorce proceedings. Just as I thought, she would only begin affair again and go further underground with OM. And then begin finding NEW WAYS TO SABOTAGE YOUR DIVORCE EFFORTS TO GET HERSELF INTO A BETTER LIGHT LEGALLY.

I ask you...can you do this? Doesn'tyour daughter deserve a chance to get her mom...her real mom back? Her real mom right now..ISN'T THERE BUD...YOUR REAL WIFE...ISN'T THERE BUD. IT'S A WALKING TALKING VENOM SPEWING BEHIND THE BACK STABBING YOU, CONSPIRING AGAINST YOU ALIEN.

It's time for action. No more words. NO EXCUSES. YOUR DAUGHTER HAS SEEN ENOUGH. Spare her the pain of the walking talking shacking up alien mom ok?

Get tougher. LOOSE THE ALIEN AND BEGIN MAKING STEPS AND BECOMING THE CANDLE IN THE WINDOW THAT WILL BRING YOUR REAL WIFE HOME.

B time combined with legal action is what is needed.

Great post Peachy!



Binder, that sig quote is awesome!

When a man steals your wife there is no better revenge than to let him keep her."
"Binder, that sig quote is awesome!"
I TOTALLY AGREE!! I LOVE THAT ONE!!!!!

Dazed,
Just wanted to say publicly that you are STB MB legend...(no longer just Rookie of the year <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />)


As Harley told you...your WW is angry, bitter and nasty because your Plan "A" is working PERFECTLY!! She tries to bait you... push you....hurt you....and shame you into a fight... but you are MUCH too strong!!

You are the Bobby Orr, Jack Nicklaus, Babe Ruth, Larry Bird, Muhammad Ali and Joe Montana of Plan "A"!!

Like Harley said the MAIN problem is that your "perfect" Plan "A" has been much too short..only 2 months or so... REMEMBER.... he TOLD you that the OM (other than a few final gasps) is DONE so put a fork in him!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Although I DOUBT your WW will sign final D papers.. I'm still not sure if your WW will actually have to let D happen so she can "put her A behind her" and maybe re-marry you to "start over".... I don't think this will happen but it may because your Plan "A" has been so short....BUT VERY VERY AFFECTIVE....

Two or three months ago YOU had the fork in you and OM hadn't made a mistake...no stalking...no anger... NOW... he's back peddling trying to make her "believe" again... and as she told your SIL... she LIKES the new Dazed... just doesn't trust you enough yet... and yes... educating has hurt in the SHORT TERM... but your decision to do that was VERY timely as she was heading your way and scared at the time... WHAT ELSE COULD YOU DO?

School is now OUT for OM….. He will fall back into his STUPID tactics like he trying to FORCE her to HIS apartment BEFORE A CUSTODY hearing!! I’m sure your WW will SOMEDAY… see that he doesn’t want your D around and is trying to sabotage that deal….

ANYWAY…. As I said you’re heading to the HOF here….10 days left…. Might as well get a few Love Deposits before DDD day….you can do 10 more days of “A” standing on your head …. YOU ARE LARRY BIRD!! There is no one better to have the ball with the clock running down needing a basket!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

IF YOU TELL HER TO LEAVE NOW…… IT WILL HURT YOU IN COURT…. HER LAWYER WILL USE THAT BIG TIME!!! AND… YOU MAY REMOVE ALL THE DEPOSITS YOU’VE MADE WITH ONE ACTION…OF “BAD TIMING”

Good luck Brother….and ….of course Prayers…. FRANK