Imback,

YOU GO GIRL! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" />

Now back to our regularly scheduled programming.

You might want to paste your thread over in the GQII board. Lots more traffic and MB Guru's there. Also c check out the FWW ( Formerly Wayward Wives). You should get some solid help there.

-JKT

Just out of curiosity, when you first met your boyfriend/husband, did you ever discuss the concept of fidelity? Did you ever tell him that you would never cheat on him back then? Even if not, did you know back then that you would never cheat on him? I suspect so. I don't think anybody gets in a relationship thinking they'll cheat. So if you knew back then that you would never cheat, and you did. How do you know now that you will never cheat? It wasn't accurate before so what's different about now? The fact that you have hurt him and see the pain you caused, so that makes you not want to do it again? You didn't know it would cause pain before? Courage? I don't think it takes courage to own up to a mistake that you shouldn't have made in the first place. And as far as not wanting to be told what you are by a complete stranger. Well you have no problem being told nice things by a bunch of strangers. But something negative? Of course not! Because you already know how wrong you are. And now it's going to be different. Just like all the other wayward spouses on here that cheat again and again and again. But I don't feel sympathy for their husbands. If their stupid enough to stick around with their unloving wives, maybe they deserve it. Your husband certaintly did. And don't tell me you're not defending it. By coming here you are defending it. Because you want support. You want people to tell you you're not as bad as you know you are. Your husband needs the support, not you. But I know. It's different this time.

Rick,

You still believe Imback is a Sl*t?

You have never met this woman, and only go off this post.

So I have taken the liberty of reading some of your posts, and from what I can tell your W has cheated on you.

You have started a thread regarding penis size.

With this information I gather your W cheated on you with a better, more well endowed man? Is this correct so far?

No, it's not correct. I was watching Strictly Sex with Dr. Drew and every woman interviewed on the street said that size matters. Naturally when size matters, it's the man's fault. As with everything else in life. So my critique was that perhaps the woman was a little too well endowed and maybe that's the problem. It had nothing to do with infidelity. I just think most men are tired of being made to feel guilty just for being men.

I don't want to offend you rick but why are you posting on this board? You haven't really ever made a single post that was really helpful or was really in a sense required thought.

The only thing that I can think of is that you yourself are a betrayed husband and you are a lurker on this site.

I mean you saying that a wayward spouse doesn't need support? Dr. Harley himself says that the wayward spouse and the ow/m also go through pain in a affair. All people that are "involved" in a affair need support. Not support that enables or encourages others to have affairs or to continue them but support that helps them get through their emotions.

Really I just think that your attacks against ImBack is really nothing more then anger that is supposed to be vented towards the person that hurt you.

I will say this though, I think you should apologize to ImBack for your shall we say unprovoked posts.

I make no apology for making cheating women feel ashamed. It's politically incorrect for women to feel ashamed for anything anymore. This site is proof of it. Nothing is ever anybody's fault anymore.

She isn't cheating. She did cheat but she isn't cheating anymore.

Again why are you on this board?

So what is your story, Rick? What is the worst thing you've done in your life? Can you even speak it aloud or does it haunt you just thinking about it?

This is a support site for marriage building, not a site for self-righteous finger pointing. Telling people they are stupid for staying with their former wayward spouses? Maybe that is what worked for you, leaving your spouse if she was wayward, and if that is the case why then are you wasting your time on a website called "Marriage Builders"?

Because you're angry? Well, you have every right to be angry. The ones you should really be angry at though, are not posting on this site.

Hi ImBack,

At the present time your husband is upset and hurt - this will change in time. If both of you are determined to make your marriage work - it will.

I'm a BS and when I found out about my husband's affair, I thought I would die. My husband confessed, but he wasn't agreeable to anything, everything had to be his way or no way. The hurt was unbearable. For months, we fought, I cried, I accused, he accused, I thought it was hopless. I know you're not supposed to do LB's, but with him, this was impossible. For you see, my husband thought he didn't do anything wrong, it was his right as a man, to do what he did.

We were both on this site and many people told him he was totally wrong, the way he was treating me and that I should leave him. But I was determined to make our marriage work. He hurt me so much, I can't tell you how much.

He also worked with the OW, day after day - refused to change jobs. This hurt me even more. What a slap in the face!

At first, I was the only one trying to make the marriage work. I wouldn't give up, because I loved him and refused to give up.

Little by little our marriage started to recover. There was less and less fighting, more talking. We went to MC - the MC made him realize how self-centered, non-caring he was. Made my husband see his views on marriage were wrong. We started communicating more. He was honest with me on everything.

He will be leaving his job soon because he finally realized his marriage is more important than his job. It took a long time for him to realize that, but he did.

So if you want things to work, they will, be determined, don't give up. Assure your husband that you love him and you'll be there for him. Everyone makes mistakes. Give your husband time. Recovery does not come easy.

It's very hard to convince a BS that you are sorry - it was very hard to convince me. My thought was if he loved me how could he do this? Why does it take an affair to realize that you really loved the person you cheated on? How could you risk everything? How can you trust the spouse again? Will they do it again? These are all the thoughts running thru your husband's head.

A NOTE TO RICK: Not all women are bad and unfaithful. It's too bad you feel that way. Don't be bitter. Some people go on the rest of their lives like this - I know from experience from people I know. I know a man that got divorced 30 years ago from his wife and is still bitter towards her. 30 years and he still calls her every name in the book. The woman he divorced never did anything to him - he was abusive. What a waste of time and energy. Move on with your life. Life is too short to be bitter.