I was separated in 2000 and got divorced in 2004. We had been living separately and as if we were divorced since 2000. My concern is that I have become such an unhappy and bitter person since all of this. He cheated on me, lied about money, moved out of state, etc. etc. etc. However, I have moved on, been to counseling, was on anti-depressants,etc. I dated someone for two years but he was also unhappy and divorced and I think we just fed off of each others bitterness. Now, I am dating someone that is wonderful, happy, positive, etc. I should be happy but I am still a grouch. It seems I can't get past it and I know it will ruin this relationship. I already see his sunny personality changing because he knows I am always in a bad mood or pissed. How can I get past this and change my attitude??

I went through a similar situation, and I finally had to sit down and pray - and just pray honestly. I literally asked God to take the resentment and bitterness out of my heart and out of my words. I did that every morning as I started my day, and literally within a week I began to see changes. Stupid me, it took a year of trying everything else before it dawned on me to give it a shot, but wow - what a difference.

The two years you spent "venting" with the other bitter person has given you an easy but poor form of communication. You deserve to have someone good in your life, and you are cheating yourself out of your future by letting your past hurts guide you. You are cheating the new guy too.

You didn't deserve the treatment you received from your exhusband, and you do deserve to experience happiness and sunny days with your new guy. Good luck to you - I wish you the best!

emh2 -

Thank you so much for your post. It was a great one and I agree I need to pray that way each morning. Sometimes I do something, act a certain way, say something and I just cant believe it is me saying or doing those things. I don't want to be this way. I think you are right about my ex (not the ex husband, the boyfriend) we learned to communicate in a bad way ... we were both unhappy and mad at life. It didn't do me any good .. that is for sure. I am going to take your advice and hope it leads me on a happy path. Thanks again.

Recently I had coffee with an 80 year old woman. She is fit, lives alone, and has a very active life. She is a spiritual person and is involved in her church and community. She said it take two things to be happy:
1) gratitude
2) forgivness

Take care...