I'm seriously not looking to start another discussion like the others that are ongoing regarding the recent drama. However, Lemonman and MelodyLane were active in my posts when I was a BS and I wanted to emphasize how important they were to me.

If everyone on this forum followed the same approach and had the same 'soft and kind' comments that some are asking for, then I wouldn't have followed through on some of the things I had to do.

This affair stuff isn't for the weak hearted, my friends. This is a rusty machete fight-to-the-death on an emotional level. I'd seriously rather be torn apart by a rabid grizzly bear (and live) than endure another d-day. I'm not coming to this forum for a gentle pat, I wanted some hardcore plan assistance and wake-up calls.

MelodyLane was the best advice giver (along with Believer) that I had. Regardless if she comes back or not, she will NOT be as valuable if she is unable to express herself the way she is used to.

Lemonman would write things to me that pissed me off. I seriously considered emailing him directly a couple of times because his posts would infuriate me. What I always knew in the back of my mind was that he was repeating exactly what that other voice in my head was saying. I realize now that his posts (opinions) were beneficial to me.

I know everyone wants to end this drama and get back to helping people. However, my concern is that this type of moderation is going to lead to a 'watered down' version of the Marriage Builder forum. I am glad that I got the help I did before all of this occurred.

I'll finish with a couple of quotes from Lemonman directly to me when I was in the thick of it. I wasn't here for an ego stroke, I wanted all input. ALL of it, and I'm thankful even for these kinds of comments.

Good luck guys.

Well said. That is my whole point. We may have lost two or three very valuable members of MB for no good reason. The members in question are people that have helped and could have helped many in need. That's what really gets to me. I will leave it at that on your thread.

Thanks for your comments.

I agree.

I have visited another forum. I described my feelings about the differences between that forum and this one as:

The un-named forum is for strictly support. MB is for learning.

Without much needed 2X4's, I fear the result will be a bunch of coddling and supporting each other to continue any negative or unproductive behaviors we have.

I can't believe I'm over here making an argument for 2X4's, and asking for kicks in the pants, but I am.

Are pigs flying????
Has ****** frozen over????

Thank you sundog for your post. I agree with you 100% with the post not getting watered down.
I came to MB with a desperate cry for help. The help I have received has kept me, a BS on track also. I have many times just not gotten it and wonderful posters here have let me know that. I can say with certianty that if I had not found MB in May of 05, my H and I would surely be divorced by now, and I may not be here on this planet at all. This forum and the posters have been more than I could have ever hoped for.
The honesty and willingness to let me know when I did something wrong, or had a principle or Plan A totally wrong, has set me on the right track. I took every posters words into my brain, processed them for my situation and pushed forward to a better place. I took the good praises with the constructive critism and used them to my advantage. At any time along this track I could have gotten angry, defensive, and hurt.
My FWH is now here and posting. He has come around and is now seeking help from this place. The same type of help and support that I received. I suggested and asked him to come, knowing that he could benefit from all posters. I am now am fearful and doubt that he will get that with so many helpful posters leaving.
I too have posted elsewhere, I can vent and recieve support, but to work to R it is here that my heart lies. I believe in MB, I have read the books, but this forum in my opinion reinforced my learning with hands on knowledge and experience from people who have been there and survived.
I was on another site just recently, and watched to my horror a this very thing happening. It is sad, with how difficult it is to just get out of bed sometimes, to come here knowing that some helpful, wonderful, experienced posters have left over this. They will truly be missed and the board has not been the same since.
JE

Hello all would also like to chime in here, I also belong to another web group where coddling seems to be the only way to post I've been called out today for something that I did post on another site.

It is good to offer comfort to someone who is hurting, but if that comfort becomes the crutch that emables one to not grow than or to move on from the pain that has been dealt to them. The difference between the two is really night and day.

Please do not let this come to pass, even though I do not post alot here I do learn from what I read and how to apply the information in my every day life.