Dearest N,
It is with great sadness that I write to you. I am truly heartbroken over what has happened to our marriage and us. Please know that I am not writing this out of spite, anger, revenge, or punishment. The action that I must now take is not one of choice but of self-preservation.
First, let me start by telling you that I still do truly love you with all my heart and forgive you for everything that has happened and I know that when you are ready to put everything into rebuilding our relationship, we will get through this. It is my hope and prayer that we will reconcile and rebuild a “new” marriage out of these ashes of pain and hurt. There is still much good to save. I am willing to do whatever it takes to make our marriage together stronger and closer than we ever thought possible and I know that by the grace of God, He can make our marriage everything it was always intended to be. I know that if we follow Him together and submit to His will, that He will bless us. With all of my heart, I want to build a new marriage with you – one in which, we both feel loved, safe, cherished and protected. I am still proud to be your wife and hope to one day be the mother of your beautiful children.
I am truly sorry for my part in creating an environment that made it possible for your affair — for my failure to meet certain needs of yours within our marriage. I now know the things I lacked to be the very best wife you deserve, I just didn’t understand how important it was to us. You mean the world to me and I know that with God’s help, I can still be the wife that God always intended for you.
I am very sorry for the role I played in the break down of our marriage. For everything that happened in Germany and especially for not coming home with you. If I could, there are so many things that I would do so differently. I hope that one day I will have the opportunity to show you how different it can be and to love you as God intended our marriage to be.
I am sorry for the all my emotional affairs. I am sorry that I didn’t come home with you and I’m so sorry that I got sick and didn’t take better care of myself, since the very beginning of our marriage. I know it would’ve made such a difference and it was never necessary for you to go through all that. I’m sorry that I didn’t just come live with you in E when you wanted me to and that I didn’t trust that everything would be “ok” if I didn’t have a job right away. Most of our marriage I have felt that I have to take care of myself and have some sort of “backup plan” in case things don’t “work out.” So many times I have put my career above you, and I’m so sorry. I realize now that nothing in the world could ever be more important than being your wife, a wife that earns your love and adoration. A wife without contention or strife. A wife who is virtuous and above all fears the Lord. A wife that submits to you and God as her spiritual leader and that outside this nothing works. I would love the chance to be this kind of wife to you, and build a marriage that is better than anything we could have ever imagined where we both feel safe, loved and cherished by each other.
At this time, I simply cannot continue any efforts to rebuild our marriage until you take the steps necessary to end your relationship with H. It has become too painful to endure your feelings of protection, concern and care for H. The temptation to contact or see H must be removed. We can only rebuild our marriage together, when you completely end your relationship with her and do what is necessary to protect our relationship. Your unwillingness to completely break off your relationship with H after you finally admitted the affair, has left me tired, bruised, hurting and most importantly with a feeling that I hate — which is that I may be losing the wonderful feelings that I treasure and still have for you. Before I lose any more of these feelings I must take some drastic steps.
Until you completely break off your relationship with H and protect our relationship from further temptation — even if it means withdrawing from school for a time — I must break off all contact with you. To this end, it is best that you continue to stay with your parents, while I continue to stay in our home. I am asking that you please respect my decision at this time. I know you can understand the deep pain I am suffering, since you have been on my end as well. I also understand the feelings you are going through and respect that you cannot come home until you are sure of yourself. I will avoid seeing you or talking to you or communicating with you in any way. This is not my choice, it must be done to preserve my love for you and to avoid poisoning all that we have shared together and will share again in the future. I encourage you to continue attending church, and begin attending the Separation Care Group on Monday night and/or counseling with M. (509) 555-4911. I am willing to take care of any expenses involved with this. I will continue attending church, care group and counseling, but ask that you not approach me, until you have done what is necessary. Only then can we work on what needs to be done to restore our relationship. If you need to contact me about something important you may use a third party like your mother or my father. I will continue to keep you on my health and dental insurance and ask that you continue to contribute to our current expenses.
I am willing to discuss a future with you as soon as you are willing to:
1. Write a final letter/email to H ending the relationship as recommended by
Dr. Harley at
http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi5060_qa.html
2. Construct a plan to maintain complete separation from H and protect our
relationship.
3. Attend care group and/or counseling.
I have loved you in so may ways: as my high school sweetheart, my best friend, my boyfriend, my husband, my lover, my strength, my comforter, my confidant and I still love you today. I just cannot be with you or help you as long as you are unwilling to make a clean break and start again. I hold out hope that the wonderful, smart, Christian, caring, giving, generous, loving, dependable and loyal man that I was so proud and happy to marry at West Side, over five years ago will find his way back to the surface, dust himself off and try once again. I think he and the wife God intends for him will still make great partners and friends. You are truly my gift and I will hold inside me all the memories of love we have shared, the good times we have spent together and your extraordinary qualities that led me to commit to spend my life with you. I still believe that someday we can be happier than we ever were. I still see a future with us and know that God has a plan for us.
With all my love and devotion,
Forever yours,
S
