My H has had 2 A in the first two years we were narriewd. He has been faithful to my knowledge since Dec. 2003 but I can't seem to get into sex much any more. It isn't the same and I look for ways to get out of it. I feel guilty after but I can't help it sometimes. He was told by Therapist that he was a sex addict and was to do 12 step. He did 1 step. I don't trust him but I beleive he has been faithful. He has let himslef go and has gained 40 lbs or so but when he was having affairs he worked out and wanted to get tanned and stuff to look good, not any more. I have no interest in sex and feel really sad a frustrated about not being interested. Any suggestions?

I am a sex expert...but only in my own home. lol

Have you read the main board thoroughly? It can get mighty slow around here on the weekends and though an interesting question you may not get much response.

I am not sure where but Dr. Harley has a series of letters on this very subject on the main board. Search them out.

Good luck,

Mr. Wondering

Welcome to MB...by the way.

To keep you occupied, there is also a search function that you can utilize to seek out old threads on this subject.

Be persistent and stick around. Your thread will gain momentum if you stick around, thank any and all posters, answer questions and ask more questions.

Mr. W

thanks. I am a return customer so to speak. I posted here for a 18 months after the second affair was discovered. I didn't remember old log in so I started over. I just was looking for some guidance and came back here tonight. Especially since H went to bed 2 hours ago and I stayed up (an excuse) fiddling on the computer. Guess this is better being here then just wasting time I should be spending with him <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Hi Lill,
Welcome back to MB. For women, so much of sex is in our head. For me, I know I like the mood set. I like for him to be loving toward me for more than the 5 minutes before the act.

When you enjoyed sex, what did you like? What were your preferences? Can you relay those to your spouse?

Does he want to have sex? If so, maybe you telling him what it would take for you to want sex would motivate him to help you get in the right frame of mind.

Can you suggest going to the gym together? That might help with those 40 extra pounds and help you two spend time together as well.

How about buying a tanning memebership? Can both of you go together? It seems that attrctive spouse is one of your needs that he is not meeting. Maybe these things would help him be able to meet that need.

Maybe it is time for the two of you to revisit the EN quiz.