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Joined: Jul 2004
Posts: 11,539
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Joined: Jul 2004
Posts: 11,539 |
You both are dealing with an OC, am I correct in my memory? There are not too many men that post to the preg/child board but I do remember seeing both of you there on occasion. I am dealing with the reality of my WH having an OC with OW. How have you managed? Is it easier for you because you are raising and bonding with the child on a daily basis? Does the OM have C with OC?
Faith
me: FWW/BS 52 H: FWH/BS 49
DS 30
DD 21
DS 15
OCDS 8
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Joined: Dec 1969
Posts: 6,937
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Joined: Dec 1969
Posts: 6,937 |
Hi faithful.
In my case, the issue has been "easy" (a relative term) in that I have been raising that child (7 now!) and there has been no contact or interference from the OM. If there was an OP involved, I'd probably suggest that the BS be the intermediary and that the WS and OP have as little contact as possible.
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Joined: Mar 1999
Posts: 2,121
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Joined: Mar 1999
Posts: 2,121 |
K,
Could you give her the link to your story?
Faithful, he has a pretty amazing and inspiring story if you haven't seen it.
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Joined: Dec 1969
Posts: 6,937
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Joined: Dec 1969
Posts: 6,937 |
K's StoryJust for nerly(who really isn't)crzy... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />
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Joined: Jul 2004
Posts: 11,539
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Joined: Jul 2004
Posts: 11,539 |
quite a story, K. Yeah, nerly isn't crazy and she is a wonderful lady. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />
My WH's A has been two years this month with a few times that the A "ended" only to start right back up again. The OC is nearly a year old and I have not met him. OW is fighting tooth and nail for my H and many days I want to give up. I know other BS's love their OC but it is pretty difficult when you are not "allowed" to even meet him. Thanks for sharing your story. Your wife is a very lucky woman
Faith
me: FWW/BS 52 H: FWH/BS 49
DS 30
DD 21
DS 15
OCDS 8
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Joined: Dec 1969
Posts: 6,937
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Joined: Dec 1969
Posts: 6,937 |
You and your husband need to act as a team---if he's paying child support, he should have visitation, and the OW has nothing legally to say about it. If your husband isn't paying support, your situation is more difficult from a legal situation, and I would probably suggest that you legally pursue paternity and joint custody. It's expensive, but the alternative could be worse.
If your husband isn't willing to work together via the POJA, then I think I'd give him a plan B letter and show him the door. Let the OW have him for a while, and see how that works for him. If you're close to giving up, then you may have already waited too long for that---so give it some thought (especially if you and h aren't on the same page).
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Joined: Mar 1999
Posts: 2,121
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Joined: Mar 1999
Posts: 2,121 |
Just for nerly(who really isn't)crzy... Don't tell my H that! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" /> I have him convinced I'm really borderline so he's really watching his P's & Q's now!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />
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Joined: Jul 2004
Posts: 11,539
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Joined: Jul 2004
Posts: 11,539 |
I'm like a yo-yo with wanting the M and not wanting it, KWIM? He does pay CS. He does not have legal visitation only C with OW at her whim. Paternity was never done legally he signed the BC at birth. I do see him trying hard to extricate himself but I am so on the fence these days about our future. Not sure I want the drama of an OW in my life forever and not sure I can ever trust my H. I have hung in there for a long time taking his crumbs and trying for our children to have a two parent home. I am sure I have done no one any favors by doing this. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> I do believe him when he says he wants to be married to me and wants to end the A but I think he is too weak to do it.
Faith
me: FWW/BS 52 H: FWH/BS 49
DS 30
DD 21
DS 15
OCDS 8
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