Thank you again for your advice.

I had scheduled an app. with counselor for tomorrow. I know it will help make me stronger. I 've been talking to friends that I know will support me either way I decide to go.

I am aware that that things are beyond my control.

So I guess I have to decide what I want to do. I am pretty sure now that he will leave or try to arrange to stay at home and continue seeing her. He is miserable when he is not with her. Before he used to blame stress related to work and business but know I know better, he was just longing for her.

I think (I cannot be sure, of course) that he will wake up one day and try to come back to me. It might take a year, or two, or more. Will I ever be able to take him again then? Should I think about it?

We still did not have our first talk. But after I found out I am understanding his behaviour like I did not before.

The kids are my joy. I will do anything to keep sane and happy so they will be happy also.

I am scared of what is coming now. I know the worst is about to start. Face reality. Move, find a new place to live, find school for kids, find a job. All these decisions will be mine. It is good (I can choose my path) and bad (I am tired to be alone).

At least right now my heart is quiet. I just don't want to get depressed. My father died when I was 8 and it took me years to recover. I don't want my kids or me to go through this.

I am glad you posted back. Discuss all this with the counselor. Right now you need to decide what is best for you.

I understand the fear. Even I had that initially. Fear of the unknown it was for me. It is interesting what you say about being alone. It sounds like you already are alone but have just now realized it. That also happened to me. It is a funnt thought process.

Good luck with the counselor. Don't hold back. Just remember that this is not your fault.

Thank you.