Need the opinions of FWS on this one.

I've always wondered if the path to reconciliation went in stages. I guess it would be easier to identify and measure that way. Especially to gauge if the WS is coming out of the 'Fog'. I would believe this is something that just doesn't snap in the head of a WS. I would believe this would be a gradual process.

The reason I'm asking is because I finally got a heart felt apology from my WW. She asked to come over and we sat down and she started to apologize for all the pain she has caused me over the last year. D-Day was about 13 months ago. She cried so I believe she meant it. However, there is no sign that she wants to give reconciliation a try. I would guess she is still with OM. I don't know for sure since I've basically been in a plan B for some time now.

Is it possible to give the apology and give no consideration to reconcile? Doesn't this heart felt apology usually come after recovery has started? Or is this the start of the burn out phase of the A?

Any opinions would be appreciated.

When my xh confessed to me that 1)he had remarried the ow (happened within maybe three days of our divorce being final and that 2)the OW was indeed seven mos. pregnant...

the man cried and apologized to me.

He was crying. It was heartfelt. It was like "look what I've done. I can't undo it. I had no way out"...

He cried and cried...

and said he WOULD ALWAYS LOVE ME...that that was something he couldn't turn off.

But the rest has been history.

She is probably very sorry. The affair may not be what she wanted it to be.

Reconciliation is different from sorry.

If she knows YOU are open to it, absolutely let her know.

In my xh's case, we'd been barely divorced...I had hopes that we'd reconcile. But since the ow was preggers...very very preggers and had put so much legal and custody pressures on my xh and fact my xh had gone thru a very difficult divorce with me...he felt he had no way out except to marry her.

I really thought we might have had a chance...even with the ow preggers...I do love children...it's parent's actions I don't love sometimes ...

But the ow wouldn't allow the man to wait even a week to thnk. She was all pressure pressure pressure.

If your w has a way to return home, knows you want her to, maybe there's a chance.

But she has to WANT TO END THE AFFAIR FIRST...

because if she ends the affair, that's the only way RECONCILIATION CAN BEGIN.

Thanks JP,

I let her know as she was walking out that day that the door was still open. But I just don't know if she wants too. There was no indication on her part. I guess that is why I was sort of taken off guard by the apology.

In the beginning I made a fool of myself by looking desperate to save my marriage and I don't want to be there anymore. I'm getting tired of all this.

The other thing is why apologize if you are not willing to do something about it.

One last thing JP. Could I ask how long your WH A went on before your D happened?

Thanks again.

From what you said I have another question that has popped into my head.

Is it possible for a WS to feel guilt for what they to the BS if they do not love them deep down somewhere?