I filed for divorce from my husband for the second time. It has been hard because I dont want to divorce, but I cant live with him the way things are anymore.

He totally doesnt get it and when I tell him how I am feeling, he seems to get it at first and then acts like he didnt hear a word I said and starts arguing with me.

He has lied so many times, has never been a responsible person, kind of does his own thing and allows his family to treat me like crap. I lost all my life savings that I had before we married because he lost his job and wouldnt work.I had lost my job after the company was sold and then had a baby and ended up going back to work when he was 3 months old because all my money was gone and he still wouldnt work. (or couldnt get a job)

I had great credit that I built as a single parent before we met and that is gone. He doesnt respect me, talks to me like crap and he does this to his friends too. He isnt responsible as a parent, he cant handle money, he doesnt have good work ethic or admit when he is wrong. He never takes responsiblity for his actions or lack there of, says he is sorry, but the same thing keeps happening.

He started a company with these other two guys who have been life long friends with him and he is loosing their friendship too. I know that they as well as I have made mistakes in our relationship with my husband, but there is too much going on and I cant handle it anymore. He wants us to say what we have done wrong, but we dont minipulate, lie, take advantage of others and put our families first.

So much has happened and I filed again. He cries to me saying that he doesnt want to let go, but he doesnt change his ways and then says that if he tries to change and become a better person to save our relationship and then it doesnt work out, then he will just get hurt again.

I told him that I can not give him anything in a relationship and that he would have to do so much changing and it would have to stick for a period of time before I could even consider it and he says I am judging him.

Is it too late? I dont want it to be, we have a small child together and it kills me, but its too difficult to have a relationship with him. Its even that way with his friends.

Help!! Can anyone give me advise? I know you dont know the whole story, it has been a long 5 years. [color:"brown"] [/color]

Ok.. I can see that there are a lot of people that have looked at my message but no one has responded. Maybe that is because I havent given much information. Maybe its because I am already doing what I need to do which is divorce him. His entire family is really messed up. His sister has anger issues and has had some major outburts since I have joined the family (not because). She hit a girl over the head with a beer bottle at a restaurant several years ago after having her first child and has a long history of anger and violent outburts .

Anyway, When she had her last one,she was yelling and cursing at me on the phone and my 3 year old was there and my husband agreed that my little one would not spend the night there or be there alone without my husband or his mother or what ever because it was not a good enviroment for him to be. I dont speak to her at all and now I found out that a night that my little one was supposed to be spending the night with my husband, he had spent the night with his sister. I am so angry and am worried about him being taken over there again when he is with his father.

After agreeing to not do it, he did it and now is telling me that he has the right to make decisions regarding my son and that he is a good father. His whole family is really messed up and they all just do what they want to do with no regard to the other person and its like what others say, they dont even hear it or something and then get on the other person for getting angry over nothing. They never do wrong, never appologize and when they do they keep doing the same things that they are applogizing for.

My attorney withdrew as my councel because I would not give her all of a settlement proceed that I was getting from a law suit my husband won (thank God I am being blessed with that) so the temporary order is in place but now I just need to find an attorney to finalize everything. I am hoping that I can put in our finaly order that my husband can not leave my son Alone over there.

Does anyone know if I can do that or not? I am so worried about this I am sick.

First of all, you need to take an attitude that has healthy boundaries, journals and documents, and puts your ducks in a row.

Have you checked to see if he could sue you for alimony since he hasn't worked for so long?

I would suggest reading several sources as you prepare: "Boundaries" by Cloud and Townsend, and get to an Al Anon program and study their literature completely. I also recommend you look up a thread by ARK on the General Questions board about being still. Even though you are not dealing with infidelity, there is still wisdom in "being still" while you prepare.

Above all, document, document, document. If you divorce, you lose complete control over the ability to protect your son from him and his family - unless you have proof that there is danger there and the court orders supervised visitation. So get used to the idea that she's going to be exposed to whatever he wishes - unless you can prevail.

There are ramifications if you stay as well - your son will identify with the male figure in the family - and learn laziness and abuse.

Your husband may be recognizing his meal ticket is disappearing so leverage that to get counseling for both of you; lay some small boundaries, and see if you can make some headway on that regard as well.

His violation of protecting your son from his family doesn't bode well for any kind of long term, but if you can use the leverage, it gives you time to plan and prepare.

Thank you for your thoughts on this. I have boundaries which was a problem because when he or his family did something that crossed those lines and that was unhealthy behavior, I would speak up, but he would never support me or see anything that he does that is wrong or that his family does that is wrong.

When I am talking to him about a specific thing such as his families behavior towards me, he will say he see's it and agree's with me, then about 20 mintues later act as if we never had that conversation and that there is nothing wrong, totally supporting his family instead of his wife and doesnt tell them that I am his wife and for them not to treat me or talk to me the way that they do. The entire family enables each other to continue this behavior and anything I say or do, doesnt help him see what they are all doing.

My husband is a liar and I have been catching him in lies since 1 month after we got married. These are sometimes lies over things that he doesnt need to lie over. He lies to me, to his friends and just everyone.

He is working now as he started another company with two long time friends of his and wont come to work or doesnt do anything when he is there. These are guys that he has known all of his life and he is screwing them too.

He has basically lost his family (me and our marriage etc), his two best friends and I guess loosing everything doesnt make you see what you are doing wrong. He will say "I know I made mistakes, but you are at fault too or they are at fault too" when in fact he does have the majority of the issues and causes these problems.

I am going to be in touch with another attorney soon to ask about his sister and hope for the best, but until then I guess I am going to have to grin and bear it.