I know, I know...send in the 2x4's. Crazy times call for crazy ideas. I've always been one to think outside of the box. I probably analyze things too much but I have an analyzing kind of mind. I don't think this goes too far from MB principals.

Fact: Plan B isn't working. None of the conditions of Plan B: NC, MC or transparency have been worked towards. CH would just as soon pretend he doesn't have a family. We're at a status quo where he supports us but contacts the kids when it's convenient for him. Perhaps I haven't been dark enough during Plan B. It's just really difficult when you have children, property, bills and a lot of interconnections. Maybe I'm just not cut out for Plan B.

Fact: Steve Harley says that Plan B is a circling pattern you do until you run out of gas. I'm just about out of fuel. I'm ready to move on and get out of limbo.

Fact: CH is out-of-the-country for over 2 weeks at his competition/holiday. He swears he has gone alone. That means he'll have NC with OW, maybe.

Fact: He's been emailing from the competition. One of the people there is a friend from where we used to live. Her children went to school with ours when they were small. A reminder of good times and a person he doesn't want to admit his A to. Also, I think he's lonely

My response to this has been a long-distance Plan A. I'm working on being the lighthouse. I'm sending friendly emails and complimenting the pictures he's sent. I'm concerned. It's going to be a grueling thing for a person of his age and medical issues. CH is not very good with relationships. Perhaps he needs a way to wiggle back in with dignity.

I've decided that I need to put a time limit on this purgatory that I'm in. After CH comes back from this trip, I will start talking with him and we will start the process that takes our marriage to next level. It has been 18 months since the A started. It's time to decide where we go from here.

My counselor feels it's very disrespectful of CH to leave me hanging like this. I feel it damages my self-respect. I am so ready for closure. I do not like the angry person that I am. The uncertainy and the anger are a heavy burden. I have been in limbo so long and I can't take it anymore. I'm tired of not talking. I'm tired of skirting the issues. If he doesn't want to be my husband, let's make it so. Let's start the process. Let's establish the financial arrangements and custody. It's probably DD would see him MORE that way.

It's time to fish or cut bait. Whatever happens, I'm ready to come out of this dark tunnel.

,

I am not one to hand out 2x4's so not to worry here.

I personally think and this is just MHO that you have to do what you think is right.

Limbo is not a fun place to be for sure. You sound like your ready for this to go either way and be able to accept outcome.

You are definatley a strong woman and will be fine no matter what. Good luck to you and God's speed....


Hurting

Hi Grape - No 2 x 4 's from me either. Just wanted to lend my support. You know yourself best......

Kim

Ya know, sometimes Plan D (Divorce) can be thought of as Plan B on Steroids for those WS who just don't get it any other way.

Now, you cannot file for divorce and nuke the family just because you hope it will "wake up" a WS. That's not what I'm saying. You should NOT invoke Plan D unless you are sure Plan D is what YOU want.

I'm just saying that some WS simply won't even notice anything else.
Mulan

I think I have the CS who will not notice anything else. Deep fog, total denial, complete conflict avoidance. My inlaws want to bury it. There's nobody else to bring it up to him. CS is into "me, me, me" mode. He's having fun. There's no chores to do, children to deal with or family to interact with. It's the batchelor lifestyle with no strings except putting money in the bank.

Right now, during this trip, there's this little space in where his life is difference. CH's not around OW. He doesn't have his work to absorb his time. He's far away from everything he knows. Perhaps there's a chance to break the fog.

I have not said anything to anyone about Plan D. What I see is grapegirl being a bitter, angry person. My life feels like an open, weeping sore. I feel like whenever I talk to somebody about CH, I vomit out ugly, stinky bile. I don't like the person I am when that happens but I don't seem to be able to control it. I have a husband but I don't have a husband. I live on his financial sufferance. He re-enters our life at his whim. There's definitely the alien factor. He seems like a person I know until push comes to shove. The anger just simmers until the steam vents.

I have to move passed the angry stage. I'm tired of hanging out there with my butt swinging in the breeze. CH either needs to work on the marriage or let it go. Closure.

I believe I've reached a different level. I think I know what I want from CH and it's all those things from my Plan B letter and from the wayward's guide to recovery. It's up to him to work with me towards that goal. I can only know what I want and what I can do.

No matter what, I want CH to acknowledge the pain he has caused. I want him to acknowledge that I have good reason to be angry. I want him to understand that his actions have hurt me beyond words. If he can do that, I think it will help rid me of much of this anger. Some days, I think I need one good tirade where I yell, scream, accuse and CH takes it like the man he doesn't seem to be and says, "You are absolutely right." It would help with closure.

I'm tired of silences and hurts and worrying if we'll run into CH at the mall. If CH does not feel he can be my husband, we need to work on at least him being a father to his children. I want a civil relationship. The uncertainy, the responsiblities, the being the sole emotional support for our kids has had a heavy tole. In my work with high-needs kids, I've come to realize that people work better with some structure. While I don't need a lot of structure, I feel like what I have keeps getting disrupted. I want to start life again. I want to be strong and whole. If CH doesn't want to be in a relationship with me, I want to be able to honorably start another one.

Divorce is not my first or only choice. Living an unsettled life is hard me. We're neither fish nor foul nor good red herring.

grapegirl

i don't feel plan B is working for me either...

but everyone keeps telling me that things with my H and OW are not what i think they are...

then again...i don't think retuning to plan A would do me any good either

good luck to you! I hope all goes well

I hear and understand what you are saying, Grape...