Tonight my WW and I were watching Grey's Anatomy and not soon in did I discover that this weeks theme was adultery. Boy some of the things that were said really were tough to watch with my WW.

At one point Grey finds out that her mom had an A and her dad didn't do anything about it. She went to go see her dad to seek the truth about the affair. When he admited it she said "why didn't you fight for us?", he replied "I did" and she said "why didn't you fight harder?".

I felt the tears welling up and had to leave. It had NO effect on my WW.

I don't want my kids to say that to me in 20 years!

Adultry is always the theme on that show. I must say tonight's show was amazing. When the OM tells the WW "how can you expect to rebuild your marriage without honesty?" I was like, wow, you've been reading MB.

When she went to her dad's house, it was certainly moving.

I wish I had a transcript of tonight's show. I think a lot of it was very good stuff for some folks to hear.'

My WW watches this show religiously. It came on so I went in a took a bath, my back was killing me and the jets in the tub helped alot. As far as I can tell Grey's Anatomy is nothing but hospital workers screwing each other, with the occaisional patient to make it look like a medical show. I just can't watch. My WW by the w is an X-Ray Technician, so this show and her A really make it a non-starter for me.

Eagle

I am so sorry for your sitch. I don't know much about your's but you and I are on about the same track timing wise.

Shows like Grey's Anatomy are very hard for BS's to watch and I am sure FWS's as well. I personally have almost a sick feeling when a movie, or tv show comes on with adultry/infidelity at theme.

I remember several years ago when the "Horse Whisperer" came out I was furious at the thought of Hollywood portraying the relationship with Robert Redford and the Mother having the affair and how it was understood considering the circumstances.

My wife could not understand why at the time I had such a problem with the movie.

I don't blame you for our feelings.

I wish I could offer a word that would make you feel better but I to this day, still have issues with those themes.

WOL

WOL,

Thak you, just knowing I'm not the only one who has issues or triggers with this type of stuff helps a lot.

Thanks again.

Eagle15

I found this very interesting. Patrick Dempsey, who plays Dr. McDreamy on Grey's Anatomy, was interviewed in Cosmo. Here is an excerpt from the interview:

Cosmo: Derek's wife slept with his best friend. Have you ever been cheated on?

Dempsey: Yeah. It was in a prior relationship, when I was married the first time. It's an interesting thing, being cheated on. It destroys your ego and hurts you. It makes you feel inadequate.

Cosmo: Have you ever cheated?

Dempsey: In my first marriage, we both cheated. Cheating is not a winning situation. You're better off having the flirtation than the reality of cheating because it's not fulfilling for anybody. It destroys your ability to look at yourself in the mirror and say "I'm a good person." You look at yourself in the mirror and say "You're an [censored]," because you're dishonest. And you have to live with that.

WOW!!!

I will also say that I watched the show last night and thought it was good. I applaud them for showing some of the thought provoking dark sides of affairs, albeit in a primetime vehicle.

Meredith's mom {Meredith is the woman who went to see her father and asked why he didn't fight harder for them.} has Alzheimers and frequently regresses to the days of her affair. At this last visit she cockily told Meredith that her lover (a doc at the hospital) made her "purr like a kitten and growl like a tiger". She said her husband was a coward for sticking around and made it sound like she had to force him to leave.

Meredith went to see her dad and it became clear she had not seen him in 20 years. On the show Meredith has a reputation for ONS's. Perhaps leftover fear of intimacy issues from her father's "abandonment"? Or seeking the attention she didn't get from her father. Classic "effects of divorce on children".

Dr. McDreamy had a revenge affair after he caught his wife in bed with his best friend. I call it an affair because they were still married. Now his wife comes back and wants to make it work. He does too but now his A relationship is confusing him. No winners here.

Finally, OM pays a visit and trys to get McDreamy's wife back. The only problem is he is hitting on McDreamy's Affairee at the same time as he is promising OW that he is the only one who truly loves her. Classic OM syndrome. Is not interested in exclusivity, only the thrill of the chase.

OW (McDreamy's wife) is now torn and confused because she now sees that she has lost a bit of McDreamy himself to the intern (his affairee). As hard as she tried to put the marriage back together, OM's words sting. He is somewhat right when he says her H is not in love with her, he's still in love with affairee.

In the end I thought WW was dealt the worst hand. OM isn't as appealing as he once was and she is realizing that she may have lost her H for good.

No winners here.

Hope, Look at what you've done and pat yourself on the back. Your kids will never be able to say that about you.

This is a bit of an irony for me. This is really the only show my husband and I watch. We started watching it at the beginning of the season last fall -- midway through -- his own A starts. We started our weekly ritual of watching it again about 3 weeks ago.

Last Night, I sat watching this with my H and oldest daughter, who unfortunately got caught in the middle of the whole mess because she new more than I did. I must be weird because it doesn't bother me. I watched to see my husband and daughter -- they are having a bit of a difficult time addressing their issues over the hole thing -- but they seemed to be okay.

It's sort of weird I can watch stuff like this, I can even pass the OM in a car, an barely swayed. But I can sit in the line at the drug store -- last monday -- thinking of what I am going to put in a goody bag for my husband's birthday and it draws me into a full blown episode of thoughts, associations, and an anxiety attack.

HTW

I got confused and replyed on your other thread about the Greys thing. But don't worry, your kids will know the truth.

Hang in there buddy.

WOL

Shattered, that was an excellent summary of last night's show, although I missed the last 20 minutes becuase I couldn't stand to watch it anymore after Merideth confronted her dad.

Another part of the show I found interesting was when Merideth asked Dr. McCreamy why he think his WW cheated on him. She asked if he was a "bad" husband and Dr. McDreamy replied something like "I wasn't around for her".

I agree that they did a pretty good job at showing the effects of adultery although it still is glamorized somewhat.

I wonder what was going through my WW mind when she was watching it. Did it even register with her? I hope she know by now that I have been fighting for her and the kids (I even told her this several times after d-day).

When Merideth confronted her dad all I could think of is my DD asking me the same questions 20 years from now and how that would make me feel.

Yes, that was interesting. Many professions require so much time and attention it does leave a spouse wanting more. BTW, you didn't really mean to call him McCreamy, did you? A little freudian slip maybe? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

You can bet it did register. Remember, all WS wear a poker face. There are many BS on here that report that after recovery, their WS told them many of the things they did really struck a cord. You'd just never know it at the time.

My WW watched this show alone... I seen bit and pieces of it as well...

I watched some of this show, I had forgotten it was on.

I am a BS and I too enjoy the show. Yes, it makes me think, but I can somehow separate this from the usual trigger causing things (For some reason Dr.Phil sends me for a loop....guess it's the fact that it's real people crying real tears). I used to get a kick out of Jerry Springer....but now it just irritates me, I can't even stand to *listen* to it in the background.

I caught the Dr. McCreamy comment too.....LMAO...he is awfully good looking.

I can't tell if these things register with my husband or not. I have always been the more analytical one in our marriage so EVERY DANG THING registers with me. Every show, every song, everything.

I think that some things (especially music) do seem to get to him. I remember about 3 months before D-Day my husband told me that the song *The Reason* by Hoobastank reminded him of how he felt about me.

I reminded him a MILLION times when he was doing the whole rewriting history thing, and told me that he didn't think he had loved me for the past 6 years.....I showed him all the EVIDENCE....all the cards and letters from the past 6 years that say differently....IN HIS OWN WRITING. How much he loved me and never wanted to be without me, and I held the key to his heart....etc, etc.

I pulled out a new card everytime he mentioned it. I said "Really? I don't think that's true....look at this card".

Okay, well I'm off track, my point was, although the subject matter is a little iffy, I do like Grey's Anatomy, and I can watch it without triggers. But I can't drive without triggers....I can't make dinner, or other very normal things......but watching Grey's Anatomy seems okay for the time being.

Triggers suck, and I completely understand those it affects that way. I try to avoid things that cause the old wrecking ball to the chest feeling.

God Bless,

-Caren

Hi WOL - I struggle to find almost ANY movie at the moment that doesn't have adultery as it's theme!