What's up with this?

We actually emailed each other today. He made an offer about 2 mos ago before he began doing the wierd before bed calls to "make sure my ds was asleep" and such....he had been nice before that...his offer was to help ds and I get into a permanent house. Yea, he helped really wreck my credit during the divorce and he knows that I got the short end of the finance stick...he stuck to me.

I am never rude. I never call him names. Don't argue. Have little to do w/him other than parenting and the residual finances...which are areas that a WS don't think needs help in..but if an affair leads to divorce (quickie) to another marriage instantly (affair marriage)...there wil ALWAYS BE LOOSE ENDS...sorry affairees..no easy fix for you!

I am always decent to him and play by the rules the law has set forth and try to treat him as a fellow parent. I don't like what he's done...Don't like his affair marriage at all...and dislike his affair wife...but that's not for me to say one way or the other...it's his boat he's floating in now.

Two days ago, I emailed him some house info after he mentioned to me recently about the house offer again. It was for a new subdivision near my ds's school and closer to my present job. Either way, it's an easier commute.

Nice homes...a bit smaller than what I am in now, but with good kid amenities (swim pool, tennis, playground etc, natural areas)...and even some condo info.

Tonight he emailed back to me about the house sitch. He said it wouldn't be the new subdivision. At first I was down..then I read on. He said it would be a much NICER subdivison than that he'd get for us...and it would also have swim, tennis, playground, etc. That I should hang tight for three to six months. Then we decently emailed each other. I told him of my desire also to go to graduate school...no shocker to him. I asked him if he remembered back 11 years ago when I got accepted to a masters' program for anesthesia? He remembered. He was nice. I had to go as my grandmother called long distance. He said we can talk in the morning.

Is this wierd or what?

I am nice and he did screw us over...hopefully his conscience is working...and my prayers are working too...I have worked sooo darn hard to make a nice life for ds and I. Even darth knows that 100 percent. He knows it has NOT been easy.

During our decent/nice emails and text stuff, I told him that my goal is to be happy and to make the best home and living for my ds. That is all I want. If i remarry that's fine. But I want to be TOTALLY INDEPENDENT from anybody in my life. That's what I desire right now. If I remarry fine. If not fine. Darth was silent after that.

We'll see tomorrow how he takes the graduate school thing..which he has no control over anyway. It does NOT affect my being a mom as I can go full time or part time...and classes are online...and can fulfill clinic times at work mostly. Will be able to do the remainder when my ds is not with me. Just a little more brain and elbow grease!

It was sad. I talked after to my best girlfriend. She said that it's gotta be hard for darth to see this happening. That you're now the woman he once knew. You're back 100 percent to being the woman he fell for 12 years ago. Educated, funny, goal oriented, and driven.

My best friend said (she knows him well)..."maybe the book he got you for V day was NOT an insult? Maybe he does perceive you now as driven again?" For so long, as a sahm, he treated me poorly. Never figured that out. It's a hard job to be a sahm.

Harder imho though to be a mom as well as a full time professional...

My best friend T warned me..she said to think about what and where the homes will be he agrees on. I do want to simplify my life right now. She said that he will probably find for you some really great homes...right near HIM.

She also said that his involvement in helping me secure the house and loan will allow for him to have further involvement in my life...and make him look like the hero he craves to be...and the guy who rides up on white horse saving the poor single overworked mom. She said to watch out...and I will. Keep my boundaries clear. Why? She said that I have not regarded him as either negative or positive to Darth. That Darth has had little to do with my life at all in last 2 years. And that this will give him that boost he's wanted..to be SEEN and not IGNORED.

After all..I stayed in the plan D and a sorta plan B with allowances for parenting and finances.

So he was not having contact with me other than soccer games...his coaching the soccer team, the swim team...etc...all were events/sports involving our child. Plus my bf said "his affair marriage sux. You know that. He's wanting out and has been for well...a year documented now right?" She said to keep my distance as I might be lookin' fairly good now. She said that to a professional cake eating man like him...he would love to have his little crabapple pie at home(the wistress) and have a nice slice of five layer chocolate cake on the side (me).

I told T that "I'm not anybody's side dish!" She laughed. But she knows I am serious.

Look. He owes me money from the sale of the once dream house. He hid finances so well that my lawyers could not get a hold of it. It transferred undetected basically. He made over 100k on that house. And we barely lived in it.

So the money he's gonna give me? Let's just say it's not even half of what is owed...And he didn't ever pay me the cs that he would have paid me had he reported his income correctly either. So he's gotten by on a song.

I am just wierdly happy tonight.

I will get a nicer house. I will simplify my life. But I gotta stay smart...and keep boundaries in tact.

I am moving! Will no longer be a renter anymore! Woo hoo! Thanks for praying for my WS. Keep on praying! He may be feeling a bit different. I am still out to lunch over the faith based book he gave me for Valentine's day and the tix to motorcross in a few weeks w/my ds.!

so..how to handle the transaction? We will talk tomorrow.

Hey Peachy ---

Just reading up on you --- be careful. I still think the Purpose Driven Life should have been for him, not you.

Kim

Yep.

I started getting more achey and nauseous last night...couldn't sleep a wink even after taking tylenol. My neck is soooo sore! Had bout with my ol' not so good friend montezuma also <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

so...that being said, I phoned X at usual time I wake up in the am...five am...and told him that I would be taking ds to school but that I am not going in and that he didn't have to take ds to school today...son could zzzz an extra almost 2 hours before school.

He said he'd instead come by and take ds to school from my house. Said he was taking the baby to school too (wha whaa?)...Him...? Taking the baby to school? That's not what goes on...the wistress takes the baby to mothers' day out so she can have her spa days and shopping afternoons...

Anyway, ds just left...with only 20 min. before school and a 25 min. drive. Darth was late. In a 10000 mile per hour rush. So ds will be late for school...oh well..worse things have happened...Darth says as he drops off ds, "I would talk now on way to school...but SOMEBODY called me at five am and I haven't been able to go back to zzzz since."

Egads! It's happened again. His goatee is back! And it's grey...his hair is also turning full blown grey.

And oh no...taking kids to school? This reeks of affair again...or else things are not well with the wistress as my best friend thought all along.

Boundaries people...boundaries!

Seems that might just be the case w/him...it is sooo predictable.