Ok before I get thrown to the wolves, let me explain the situation...

BF and I have been having some long discussions about the OC. About what is best for us and what is best for the OC. Because his income is by salary, there's nothing we can do about the amount he makes. And he will be up for a raise in the near future. Also, he is supporting me through college but since we are not married, I don't think the court will take this in consideration as far as his expenses.

So, would the OW go on welfare and the kid starve? No, she makes 40k/yr and this will be her one and only child. She has great health care etc etc. So, given this fact and the fact that she told him that she has no interest in his involvement, we started thinking about the possibility of a TPR. We were told by a lawyer that a TPR would not be granted because BF has a job. I don't understand this at all because she is perfectly capable of raising the child herself (which is what she wants to do). Does anyone know if this is true?

Now, regarding the OC, we don't plan to have contact for several reasons. Basically, while I hope I would be able to hide my anger and frustration, kids are perceptive. My BF feels manipulated and tricked so I think the same thing would happen with him. And because of the "bad blood" between us and her, the OC would be shuffled around from place to place in order for any visitation to take place. We both strongly feel that if this child is to have any chance at a good future and that adoption is not an option for her, that the most stable environment possible is for her to raise this child alone.

In addition to all of this she has some sort of paranoid, irrational fear that BF wants to take the child away from her.

So, because we don't think the child would suffer financially etc, we both would like to see if this is an option. I was wondering if anyone has any knowledge of how this works? I know it is different in different states. We have poored through the Ohio code (don't have a new lawyer yet) and it seems that it is possible to "voluntarily relinquish parental rights" if she agrees of course.

So if anyone has actually done this or knows of any of the legalities etc please share! And I understand that some may not understand the view we are taking but we are just trying to protect ourselves and although we don't have children now, we plan to, and I don't want them to suffer because of this.

Thanks for any help.

In our state (not Ohio, but a neighboring one), TPR is a VERY difficult thing to get done. This prevents noncustodial parents who basically just want to avoid paying child support from using that as a loophole. If it were that easy to do, anyone who didn't want to pay child support would have an easy out. I'm not trying to be mean here, I'm on your side, but I'm just stating how judges see it.

To quote an online source, "The courts don't want that to happen unless and until another adult is ready, willing, and able to provide the love and support the child is entitled to receive." Meaning, some states will only allow one parent's rights to be terminated if there is an adoption taking place (such as a stepfather adopting a stepchild).

Don't worry I know you aren't trying to be mean. I have read that also. But I also read that in the case of illegitimate children it is slightly more likely because it is clear that the environment for the kid is likely to be more unstable in which the child is shuffled between parents (emotionally or physically) as opposed to one parent having permanent custody. Thank you for your help! I know TPRs are difficult to get though as I'm sure, as you said, if it were easy, every guy who didn't want to pay child support would get one!

wwr,

You need real LEGAL advice on this and your particular state.

The way I understood it, there is nothing to stop a custodial parent from pursuing child support EVEN WHEN THERE'S relinquishment of rights!! Ch-support and visitation rights are 2 separate issues. In some states, you can be hit for back ch-support too and it HURTS. So what's the point of relinquishing? Not to be pessimistic, but what if you and BF broke up later and he changed his mind about contact? Then he's screwed. (I know change of hearts may not be the norm, but we're a case where we thought one thing and ended up doing something different later, with surprising cooperation from Xow.)

I hear your points and they are good ones... But get good legal advice first--research, ask around. It may not be worth it.

Is this what the OW wants?

In some states you can give up parental rights all you want it only takes all child rearing decisions out of your hands and you are still required to support the child financially till someone else adopts the child legally.

Not only all of the above, but there are times when the xow changes her mind, and in the cases, which are the majority, where you would still be required to pay CS, if the xow didn't file for it when the baby was born, but decides she wants to "get" you later, she could, and then you are looking at, as Jenny said, paying the back CS. In fact, you may want to have your BF be proactive in that matter and seek legal help about filing for the DNA test and setting up the CS from the get go. I know that you are super worried about the money and such, but if you don't have protection from the beginning, you could end up paying MUCH more!

Good luck!

Hi everyone. Thank you for the advice. We are going to talk this over with the lawyer but you are right, the OW did change her mind. She said she needs financial support "at first" to cover child care costs (yeah right...at first). Anyway, regarding back child support (since I don't know how this is going to go) is there extra costs/interest tacked on to it? For example if the CS is $1,000/month and she gets back support for 2 years would it be $24,000? or would it be more than that? He is going to file for DNA testing etc. We just have to figure out which state she is going to file through sinc there are a few different possibilities so we can get a lawyer that is familiar with laws in that state.

It is so weird how she is SO unpredicatble. One minute we get an e-mail that says he tried to push her to have an abortion (which she made up) and the next minute we get this very business like e-mail that makes it sound like she wants to make everything very easy on us, and then the next e-mail is back to how horrible of a person he is. It makes it hard to believe anything she says.

I have another question that I know I will have to ask a lawyer when we finally have one, but I'll ask it here too just to see if anyone can give me some insight. How exactly does child support work? What I mean is, she said she needs CS for the child care. Can she do that? Can she get CS for child care only? or is it that she either gets CS for everything or she doesn't get CS at all? I assume that the latter is the case.