How do you still GIVE EN's and keep your love protected? I am finding it VERY hard to at least try to meet EN's ( knowing that they hit a wall) and not feel lonely, frustrated, hopeless and angry.

I have found myself pulling away from WW in ways that I would never think of...

-I no longer find it easy to tell her ' I love you ' unless she says it first...

- I no longer look for a hug or even ask for one, knowing how she feels about me at this stage....

- I have no compassion in my voice as I used to....

- I believe I am acting cold in many areas to protect my own feelings and love for her....

How do you all do it? I have read " LOVE MUST BE TOUGH" by Dr. James Dobson and has given me alot of insight on 'letting go' ( trying to control HER choices) ,but I really have a hard time showing affection and compassion in these trouble times.

lost-
I recommend doing more homework about affairs and how to form a plan.
You say your doing plan A... Have your read the book "surviving an affair" or "His needs Her needs".

If not, please study the MB articles and books. There are other good books out there that may help you figure out a plan that fits your sitch.

Everyone's sitch is similar but not exactly the same. Many WS actions are predictable. It is how you deal with your spouse is what is unique. Only you know your spouse. Only you know yourself.

You must do your homework, study what fits your sitch and then what you yourself have the ability to do...

Think before you act... Don't react...

If you wife is still saying, "I LOVE YOU"... There is a lot of hope....

lost-

I know that for me, I have a awesome amount of support from my church. They are people who are affirming me & making sure I know that people love me even when WH is saying "I don't love you anymore" "I only wanted you for your body & now look at you". That those other people could look at me & tell me the truth (even when I was blowing it) gave me tremendous amounts of strength to keep meeting ENs, even when I wanted to take a 2x4 to WH head.

MB has great people who can & will encourage you, but it also helps if you can find a few friends close to home who love you enough to tell you the truth, hold you up with prayer, & remind you that no matter what we have a God who never leaves us or forsakes us.

I also have found some songs that speak to my wounded heart & affirm that I have value even when WH can't see that. In the early days I would play them over & over. You need to find what feeds your spirit & just try to soak there.

I've found it easier to meet WH ENs when my own aren't totally wiped out. Make sure you eat healthy & try to get enough sleep because this wipes us out because it causes us to magnify what's hurting us in their attitudes. Your guard is going to be up, but loving is a conscious choice. You don't have to be stupid, but sometimes you do have to risk the hurt. The payoffs are slowly coming in my house. I've been in plan A for 6 months now. There have been alot of days when I want to say enough/goodbye but inside me I know better days are ahead if I just hang on.

thanks..

I have read ( and keep reading ) on MB about A's and how to deal with it... and I completely understand the commonalities and uniqueness of everyone's individual situation....

Im just in a bind while WW is FOGGED UP... I do love her very much and want this to work... but only time will tell and I need to find ways to show my love without getting too hurt....

that;s why I was asking... Im not LBing at all... staying calm, loving and attentive in all aspects, but showing my emotions toward her is where the problem lies... I can't show her the way I want to because she then gets all defensive .. " YOU ARE SMOTHERING ME" so I tend to give here space... too much at times it seems... but she is responsible for HER CHOICES and I cannot force her ( control) in any decision she makes....

I am guarded to the point I may be growing cold.... Im not sure....