Hi Guys, Long time no write... anyway, if you read my prior posts you will know where we're at here. In a nutshell, my H. had an EA which I am sure has ended. But to me it was just devastating (Read prior for all that jazz)
Anyway, we are Catholic and saw this thing in our church bulletin a month or so ago about the Retrouvaille Program ( I think it's Like marriage encounter but only for troubled marriages)...anyway, has anyone been through this "program"? It starts this weekend and I am a little bit anxious about what to expect... to read more about just what it is, I think there is a website www.retrouvaille.org but I am not sure....
Thanks, any comments would be appreciated.

I tried to get my H to go to Retrovaille. He wouldn't.

It wouldn't have worked for us anyway. He was in a full-blown EA and they can't help anyone when there is another person in the mix.

Try it, it just might be the key to recovering your marriage.

We went through RV.

FWW had an LTA. Definitely on our way to D after the second D-Day. FWW moved out for almost 6 months

We put D on hold while attending RV weekend at our parish priest’s recommendation (insistence, actually). Then we put the D on hold while doing the follow up weekends. Then we put the D on hold again while FWW went to IC. We then stopped it while we went to MC.

Now recovering.

RV dialogues were the only way we could communicate at first. It was important lubrication for the grinding gears of initial recovery. I recommend it highly.

Be aware though. No counseling, nor RV, works very well if there is still contact with OP.

With prayers,

retrouvaille is a very good program. did wonders for our ability to communicate feelings to each other. we went in april of 2002, yes while i was in the midst of my mess. so, it could of been more helpful, no doubt, if i was not so screwed up, but even still, it provided me with the opportunity to believe that my H really was commited to improving our marriage. the skills learned there still help us.

Thanks you guys... anyone else?

You know after reading "Cherished"s "Catholic" post & responses I am even more apprehensive now...

realbusy,

I recommend RV, but it is not a silver bullet. It will not make your H's EA suddenly go away. It is not IC or MC. But, it may help you in perhaps three ways:

Decision Making: What do you want? When do you want it? What is important to you? How much time do you have to make these decisions? What, in fact, do you need to decide? RV will help you communicate with your H and with yourself to gather the data you need and figure out what you want in the near and long terms.

Understanding: Effective communication with your H and he with you clears up a lot of stuff. It’s amazing. You may actually discover your H didn’t really know what he was doing, all indications to the contrary. You may discover you have compassion for your H and his stupid actions. You may discover he didn’t understand you very well for a long time either. You may get some whys answered. At least you will learn some tools you can use to get questions answered.

Spiritual Growth: A considerable amount or prayer and introspection are involved if you do the whole 12 week program. You will come away a changed person.


RV is for marriages on life support. The RV site says that around 80% of the couples that attend the first weekend retreat know whether or not they want to try to save their M or pull the plug by Sunday afternoon. Note: it’s not 80% Ms are saved. It’s 80% of the couples know what they can, will and will not do at that point.


Not Just Friends, by Shirley Glass. It is sort of a landmark EA book:

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/074322549X/102-1928925-4318563?v=glance&n=283155


With prayers,