Dear people of this forum,
I have also come to you with a story. In this world some of you have probably seen terrible things in relationships from both sides, men and women. In my case, it happened quickly and left a time-resistant mark in several peoples' lives.
First of all, I live in Europe, where I was born and raised. I spent my first 19 years in a town, focused mostly on family, studies and personal creative hobbies (which later I turned into a profession). After succeeding in the national examinations I was accepted in one of the largest Universities in the country, state owned (no fees or tuitions, free education). It was back in 1994 when I moved to the big city. Inside that university I started my very first relationship with a girl that was studying the same courses as I did. Long story short, we were not compatible characters and we were set on a seperation course about 1.5 years later, May of 1996. She told me that she had some health problems and would leave "hidden meanings" that she could be pregnant. After discussions, I asked her to take a pregnancy test three times total... something that never happened. She insisted that she had other problems, probably a cyst or a hormone imbalance. She put herself under the "watchful eye" of a relative gynecologist.
Mid May of 1996 she asked me for the first time to accompany her to her doctor, where I found out she was 6 months pregnant. I was 20 years old at the time and it came as a shock. We got married beginning of August and the baby was born on September. Due to us being students, our parents agreed to help with the raising of our daughter. As time passed, I would see the young child less and less, because of the distance (6 hour drive) and the hostile behaviour of my wife's parents. I started noting some details in her behaviour, which became more apparent as time passed by. At a certain time and on, it was obvious that she didn't care much about the state and the foundations of our relationship as husband and wife. My efforts fell in the void one after the other.
The year of the birth I reduced the intensity of my studies and started working, trying to establish myself to be able to maintain a healthy family. I fell into some crazy employers and at times I was totally unpaid for my work. Finally, in 1999 I started bringing in a decent income (don't imagine anything great, it was about 500-600 euros), while my studies were still a bit behind. Every certain intervals I would gather some money and give it to my wife to send it over to her parents for our little daughter. I trusted she would do the right thing. I was too naive to suspect she would do anything otherwise, even when she was missing "studying" at a male friend's apartment for long hours after midnight.
On January 2000 I changed job and further increased my income and started feeling more secure. I continued sending money and in August I went to my inlaws to pick up my daughter (along with my wife) to go for summer vacations. To my surprise I found a very hostile environment from them, got threatened and humiliated because -as they told me- I never sent a single penny for the little girl!!! Something was fishy there. I turned around to my wife and asked her what that was all about, as I was giving her money to send over. I got no reply to the level of being totally ignored.
Out of respect for the child, I did not start a fight, so my inlaws were "hacking" me like dead meat. I lifted the tiny shattered remains of my pride, picked up my daughter and my wife and went on vacation. After all this, she turned around and told me that no other man would tolerate such threats and humiliation. I did though... 24 years old at the time.
I was not feeling well about all of this I bought a car and one month later, January 2001, I went up to my inlaws and picked up my daughter to take her to live with me and my wife in the city. The poor girl, after living several years in a smaller town (my wife and her parents were from a different area than mine), she got sick several times. Once she had to remain in the hospital when me and my wife switched shifts to keep a constant eye on her. When I was there, the doctors had to run some blood tests to see her exact condition. When I looked at the results I noticed something strange. I remembered my wife's blood type... zero negative. Mine was (and is) A positive... I look at the results again... B positive. We run the tests again and I did one of my own. The results were the same. I showed them to the doctor and the reply I got was "She is not biologically your child, you are not the father". I just stayed there looking at him...then at the papers... then at him again. What I had studied in high school in my biology class was correct.
I kept my mouth shut and I wanted to see if my wife had any intention of saying anything to me... if she had any dignity in her. She did not say anything, so I started to slowly move the conversation around the matter. A week later she picked up the child and returned to her parents. About ten days later she came back from her "vacation" but the little girl remained with my inlaws. Every time I paid a visit the hostility would grow and grow.
During Summer of 2001 I intensified my discussions about making the relationship work and being honest to each other. Her reply was very surprising indeed... "I take you to taverns for beer to get you drunk... so that you will say everything you do to me". The only thing I had to tell her was that I had a few friends I cooperated with at the university to get the team projects done (in rural engineering, where bigger teams are required). Three of the members were girls. She befriended one of them to act as a spy towards me.
Little did I know... that she was trying to prepare a case for a divorce. Shame on me for trusting her.
The first strike came the following November, when one Sunday morning she disappeared with everything.
All my efforts to make her return were futile... I thought I would give her time. March arrived soon... and it was time for me to perform my mandatory service in the armed forces for one year. One year of isolation, one year of no pay (3 euros per month), one year of strict and exhausting military life. I tried to gain friends to find a sort of helping hand through my trial... and my willingness to help led to my severe injury during service. I spent a total of about 75 days in hospitals and recovery. My father at the same time suffered a heart attack (after somehow recovering from his stroke). I request a postponing of service due to my bad condition and I gain a temporary return to my civilian life... with these things to face. My injury, located in my spine, has remained permanent... but I did work around it to be able to stand and do things on my own. I was also so behind in my university course that I was forced to drop out.
I tried for a mutual concent divorce with my wife, offering child support and requesting to see the child. She accepted the money but I got denied any contact. Six months later, after constant failures to communicate, I had to resort to a court fight for the divorce. Meanwhile I made some interesting discoveries... such as knowing who the real father of the child was. I also found out that my wife did know about her pregnancy, while she was having a parallel relationship with the guy. Once he found out, he dumbed her. Her mother on her side tried to make her daughter (my wife) have a misscarriage by pressing on her lower stomach area. The labor continued though... but the child got one defective lung from that pressure (three months pregnant). Don't ask... my wife's father was a rude truck driver and her mother never finished elementary-grammar school.
I took that data to my lawyer to have another surprise. "Once you recongnize the child, you have 4 years to change your mind"... Birth time: September 1996, Discovery time: February 2001. That wasn't the only thing...
During trial, I hear from a "witness" that was NEVER around... that I had two afairs during my marriage!!! My jaw dropped... The one girl was from my student team and the other was an email friend, over 8000 miles away!
The divorce comes out a few months before being re-called for my military duty.
Five days before my entry, a lawsuit from my ex-wife (at that time) arrives... requesting a high child support, equal to at least 500 euros (1000 was my salary). The court date... two days after my recruitment... I run to get a temporary postponing for 2 months of my service... I get denied.
I manage to get a new lawyer away from my area (my old one couldn't go there) and get a court postponing for one month. And here I am, no income, bills running and my financial fate being decided 500 miles away in court at the same time I patrol the borders for the safety of my country. What an irony...
Of course the trial didn't go well... and now I have another one where she asks for 860 euros a month, while the basic salary to live here is 580! I am still in active military duty...
A very long story of pain huh?!... And still, this was a tiny briefing of all the events!...
Forgive me if I tired your eyes... be well!
