Where do I start? Married 9 years, together almost 18 years. One night stand in October turned into full blown affair in early November 05. I immediately got suspicious. Apparently 14 yo daughter got suspcisious quicker. While I waited in the back gathering my research she thought I was ignoring it. She blew up at me week before Christmas "Will you stop ignoring this!" Weekend before Christmas he took her on a Daddy's date night to a "Christian Concert." OW was there with her adult daughter they met during breaks and had dinner afterwards, for which he paid. Wednesday before Christmas I was working, Daddy said he was going Christmas Shopping. Got up next morning he wasn't home, for first time didn't even have courtesy of getting back in before girls got up. Up until then he stayed out under pretense of working -- which in the past had been true -- but he would usually be back in by 6:00 a.m. In those few days my daughter and I put our information together and by that morning I had it. At his mother's prompting, we went looking for the OWs place so I could catch him later. My daughter was the only one who could ID OWs car. To my dismay our dismay we caught her out of apartment.

We are almost two month NC. For which I am certain. No opportunity. I have my ups and downs as one would expect. But H and I are doing rather well. If I need to talk he's there. If I start withdraweling he learning how to comfort me. My daughter on the other hand is having a hard time. Won't talk to him. Says she's perfectly content hiding. That's his way of dealing with things that is has been part of our trouble in the past. He's been avoiding it I think. He's asked for my suggestions. I told him to say "I'm Sorry! I was wrong!" and "Ask for her forgiveness."

We had a long talk last night and I probed a little bit. Anyway I think she is having the same symptoms a BW would have the instrusive images, triggers, and trust issues. Helping myself through it is one thing, but I feel at a total loss of helping her through it. Says how dare he come back in and try to be the head of the house now. He's worked away alot in the past, she has issues with that. Now this.

Anyone with any experience like this? How do or did you deal with it?

She is having to come to terms with the fact that her dad is so very destructive and disrespectful to her well being. Affairs don't just effect the spouse, but the whole family. He will have to work hard to regain the trust and respect he destroyed, just as he must with you.

His first step is to apologize to her for doing this to her family.

After that, it is simply a matter of his working hard to demonstrate trustworthy, manly behavior that one would expect from a father. He will have to EARN her respect and her trust and that will take time and WORK.

So while she needs help handling her grief and disgust, he needs help earning her respect. Apologizing would be the first step.

I bought her a copy of "Power of the Praying Teen" and another book that teaches you how to pray. She's been asking for something like this and after our conversation I felt it was time.

I know that only God himself can help us with the pain while we rebuild the trust and respect.