My WH took some time off and spent the last 10 days at home. He called it a mental health break, saying that the situation with us compounded with stress at work had worn him down physically and emotionally. So his M.O. for the "break" was just to relax as much as possible, which he did. We didn't have any meaningful discussions during this time, he just read and watched movies and played lots of solitaire.

There was a blip last week when he ran off to do some errands one morning and on a hunch I checked his computer (no, I am not proud of sneaking around like that, but I felt it was the only way to find out the truth) and I saw that not only was he still in contact with the OW, but he had gone to see her one evening when he had told me he was out with clients. My immediate reaction was to re-expose to her by leaving a message on her work phone, which I did. When he came home I confronted him with what I had found out and while he didn't deny it, he down-played its significance. He said that he just met her to discuss something work-related (give me a break! They went out to dinner and he didn't get home until very late). The OW called me back in the middle of this conversation with WH and basically backed his story up (WH had no opportunity to warn her about what he had just said). She said that she had a new boyfriend and that she had no interest in my husband romantically, but thought that they could stay friends. I hung up the phone without saying anything further to her.

WH and I argued the rest of that day (which was his birthday, ironically), but eventually we more or less agreed to shelve the whole thing for the time being. I felt like we weren't getting anywhere and his head was so far up his own [censored] that any clarity of vision was impossible.

So, almost a week later, he's finally gone back to work and I'm wondering what the h3ll I should do. He doesn't understand how important the NC thing is and I'm afraid that even if he agreed to it, he wouldn't adhere to it. I feel like I'm living in a tinder box, waiting for the next spark to flare up.

What I really don't understand is, why is he sticking around? If the OW means that much to him, why doesn't he just cut and run? And why don't I, for that matter? It's becoming more and more obvious that although I'm sure he cares for me and even loves me, he is incapable of being a monogamous partner. For some daft reason, I still love him dearly and would like to think that there is something here to save. At this point I feel like I'm d*mned if I do, and d*mned if I don't...

Are you Plan Aing???

God Bless,

-Caren

For my part, yes. I am doing my best to avoid LB's and treat my WH respectfully. The only negative aspect that I guess I need to work on is withdrawing into a sulky silence when something upsets me, but I feel that he doesn't want to talk about it. I suppose I need to learn to redirect my emotions when that happens, but it's not always easy.

Just bumping this up, because I could really use some input. I don't trust my own instincts at the moment and I really don't know what to do.

So, what you're saying is that he won't agree to it. You've got no chance at recovery with her still in the picture. You can do all the Plan A you want, but it will mean little if NC isn't in process. You gotta start there before anywhere else.