My husband wants it all. He wants a trophy stepford wife that cooks every night, cleans, has a career, pays part of the bills, is pretty, in good shape, meets a sex quota, and is at home and by his side at all times. I try to be most of those things, but I can't handle it all. He is no help other than a few very minor chores that he helps with..like the garbage. That's basically it. Oh, he gets the mail, too, which he gripes at me for not getting all the time. He goes to the gym and work, and pays the mortgage. He rarely, if ever, asks me if I need help. He says if I need help that I need to ask him for it. Including help with our daughter. I beg him to spend more time with her. He doesn't take any initiative with her on his own. I have to tell him to spend time with her (unless I am traveling with work and he is forced to). I receive no affection from him (he says it's because of my attitude for the past 3 years; he mostly blames me for everything) I have a budding career, not just a job, that I like very much. I used to be an aerobics instructor part time, a former professional cheerleader, yadda yadda...now I work full time and take care of my family. I occasionally travel with work and I have a few (but not as much anymore) extra activities that I do for myself (I still model part time for fun). I have a very handsome husband that I have been married to for 5 years (this week). He owns a business and is very successful. Yesterday he tells me he doesn't want to be with me anymore (for the 10th time). We have a beautiful daughter who is pre school age. I am in very good shape and an attractive person. I think he has very unrealistic expectations of what a wife should be. He tells me that I don't know how to be a wife and that I'm not domestic enough for him. I am very snappy with him now and I lose my patience all the time. I am tired of his comments. It has changed my usual happy go lucky attitude to hurt and anger, resentment and hatred. I am very involved in my daughters life. I do all the normal "Mommy" things plus a lot more. It is just not enough for him. He is always telling me that I do too much for myself and not enough for him. In other words, I should not have any other activities other than family, work and making his life easier by doing whatever he needs. I feel like he wants to be married to his mother, but that I also need to have a career and have sex all the time, too. I also need to be in shape (which I am), pay half the bills (which I do) and make him dinner every night (I do this probably 3 times a week now). And the sex thing...where did this quota come from? We live busy lives and he certainly can't expect me to do everything and then be in the bedroom waiting for him all the time. I'd rather watch TV and relax! He says that his thoughts are normal and he's always had women that throw themselves at him all his life (he's 36). He used to contantly compare me to an old girlfriend that he says was better suited for him (he says she basically did anything and everything for him because she really loved him). Give me a break...everyone has intimacy all the time when there are no children and careers and life to think about! He is constantly comparing our relationship to others. He is contantly reminding me that I was married before and that I probably just don't make good wife material, although I am a good person (I was married way too young for about 2 years to someone who abused and lied to me and cursed out my family...my mom included).
All of our friends in our lives are my friends (even the men). I am disgusted and ready to quit....should I stay or should I go? I have only tried to stay this long because of our daughter. Is it unrealistic of me to want her to have a mommy and a daddy that are in the same house. He refuses to go to counseling. My degree is in psychology, so I use what I know to the best of my ability. It doesn't help. I am the spiritual leader of the family, as well. He is a good man, and I don't think he'd ever cheat (he says he would divorce me if he even came close to it). He has no drug issues and hardly even drinks. After hearing about all of these posts about cheating husbands and drug users, I feel stupid gripping about mine. But with all that said, how do I handle this? I thought I made a better choice this time... but I am not happy! Please help!!
Last edited by amanda123; 02/22/06 07:21 PM.
