Hello Everyone,

We still have not heard from the OW or her H since she requested my H's SS# while still in the hospital after giving birth. We gave her H our address if they wanted to serve us papers.

She had the OC in December. We know that she must prove that her H is not the father and then serve us with the Petition to Establish Paternity. It is now the end of February. We've been waiting. What could be the hold up? Should we give her until April and then call? Any advice would be helpful.

Hi. I am new to all of this so please take my opinions in that context as I could be completely wrong. But I think that you and your H can start the process by requesting a DNA test and if your H is proven to be the father, then CS will be set up etc., unless her H wants to adopt the child. This is what we plan to do because we are going to have no contact with her and go through lawyers so if we didn't hear anything from her lawyer, we would just go to the courts ourselves since we figure it is inevitable anyway. Again, I'm new to all of this so I could be totally off base here...

We had the theory of letting them do the work. We have checked our state law and we can't be held for any back support, meaning, when she files is when we're responsible. I'm just wondering if I am antsy or is this on some kind of schedule, I mean is this taking too long, I'm just wondering what could possibly be going on. Just waiting....

Thanks will we recover

depending on if and when the DNA test to prove or disprove her H as the father, it could be soon, or later. Many of the DNA tests can take 4-6 weeks, or so I've heard. Or, her H has decided it would just be easier all around to claim the baby as his and never have to worry about dealing with the court garbage. We chose that for similar reasons, but mainly because we didn't want to be involved with the xom for the rest of our lives. Continue to use this time to strengthen your M and count your blessings so far. Know that it COULD come at any time, but make sure you and your H are as a united front.

Thank you.....

Don't kmow if there's a "too long", but I know it would drive me "crazy" not knowing when and/or if something is going to take place.

Sure ,it would be nice for her to have to do all of the work and have the pain in the [censored] of doing it, but isn't your mental health worth something? It has to be taking a toll one way or the other on you, your H and your relationship.

I guess I would take the bull by the horns and get it over and done with. It could go on for years if you don't.

Paternity tests don't take but a week to two at most. It's a very simple process.

What did your attorney tell you to do?

Thanks for the input inanutshell,

Our attorneys simply said don't do anything until we get paperwork.

As far as the home front, we really haven't been that bothered. I'm just wondering if she's changed her mind, or hoping like ******, the tests came back and her H is the daddy. I know that may be wishful, but, I just don't know what to think.

I'm thinking that we should wait until April, and then I'll talk to my H about giving her H a call.

crazyhurt I can understand about the waiting cause once it gets started the whole mess is going to be painful and so stressful, but please double check or get second opionion on having to pay back support. Remember on my case we did not even know she was pregnant and there was a child born and we still got to pay the back all the way to the day the child was born, so right away we was thousands in debt, and it says right on our papers no matter what the reason is for back support they will go after your taxes next year to collect the back support and your H will not be able to renew his license from what they have told me.

And how long it might take could depend on how she is going to file, private attorney I think is faster but if she is going thru CSO that is a slow process.

But please double check about the back payment if you really dont have to it might not be important to rush it but you do then I would say get it started fast.

Hello Thunderstorm,

Thank you so much for the advice...we will double check. I believe that they will go through the CSO, they may fool us, but I doubt it.

I appreciate all the advice ladies...

ok now my brain wheels are really turning, and if what I have read on sites about paternity is true then this is what you might need to know.

She is also married, the OC will be by the state considered to her H child. If what I read is right then your H cannot ask for a paternity test, only OW or H can do that since she is married. And if her H lives with her and OC for 2 years then the courts will look at that he was the F for that time and consider it is his C no matter what test prove if taken after 2 years. Now remember what I am saying is just what I have read, and it might be different from state to state, but it is something to look into. He might of decided to claim it as his, and right now legally it is OW H child. But if your really dieing to know what they are thinking you can contact your local vital records that is public info, but they will also might send a letter to the M saying that someone is checking into it, but from that you can see if her H signed the birth certificate, if he did he is claiming that child for sure and they are not going to look into it.

If they didnt and they are wanting to know if the C is his or your H like I said CSO is slow but they also might be just running the test on her H first and waiting on them results before they go any father in their action.

To put your mind at ease for a while check with vital to see if he signed it, he then has 2 years to dispute it if he did sign it. You, your H, your lawyer, or even a P.I. will check it out cause it is public info with them.

Check into the back payment thing and then check what else I told ya, I know no matter what state you in that C is considered thiers until the OW or her H disputes it but check to see what the laws are on the time frame. Here it is 2 years.

Hope to this will help and wish you the best of luck that you will find that he just signed the birth records and for now you dont have to worry about it, only bad is part is that you will always wonder if the C was your H or not.

Thank you for all the information...we called the attorney and asked him whether she should give them a call to see if they have done anything. She advised against it. She said that if they don't contact us, to leave them alone. She said to let them do the work. She said if they don't contact us that it could be two reasons, one could be that they have chosen to raise child as her H's or two, that the child turned out to be her H's child, so you never know. We're just waiting.

Maryland (where she lives) does not have back support if not filed.

All of your information is so helpful....thank you so much.

"where she lives does not have back support if not filed."

That's totally awesome!! I'm sure the unknown is hard, but I'm rooting that you get to sit on this for 2 years and then you are OFF THE HOOK regardless. THAT would be great! The get-out-of-jail-free card... late, but better than never, kwim?

I hope it works that way for you. Hang in there and focus on your marriage.

Hugs

Thank you Jenny,

I'm not going to put my hopes up...it's still very early....We'll wait. I honestly believe the whole purpose of this pregnancy was money, along with other things, but basically money....so we'll see.