I would like the ladies to help me evaluate a book I am reading. The book is supposed to be a guide to helping a man master the challenges of the world in general and women in particular. (See how complicated it already is??)

I am trying to find out how realistic the author's advice is. So, I want to give you a few of his thoughts and then ask if you think he is correct.

Thought #1 - It is the woman's birthday. The man says "Happy Birthday! We can do anything you want for your birthday. We can go anywhere, do anything. And I'll do anything for you! What do you want to do?"

The author claims this is the opposite of what most women want. A woman would get more excited if the man were to say "You've got 30 minutes to pack your bags. Don't ask me where we're going, but we'll be gone for the weekend. Everything is taken care of. Just pack your bags and leave everything to me. I'm gonna give you the best birhday ever."

Is the author right, or wrong? Which would you rather have?

Yep, for ME, the author was right but beware Justin, b/c you have to make sure that what was planned is something tailored for her, that it shows you've paid attention to her likes and dislikes, kwim?

DW

The second one for me too, because it indicates that the guy cared enough to plan something in advance and either already knew what she might like to do or asked her at some point. The first one sounds like he couldn't be bothered to do anything at all.

That would work for me too. It shows lots of thought before the fact, it shows he's made efforts on my behalf, it shows he wants to suprise me take the burden of planning off of me.

Also, sometimes if a man says we can do anything, you pick I'm reluctant to go for the moon because I would feel selfish & greedy. Now if HE went for the moon & handed it to me that's very different than me picking it for myself.

I'd be irritated by both, but the latter one would be lovely if it just had the "Don't ask where we're going" part removed. And of course the others are right that if it's only lovely if he's planned things he knows you'll love, which means he's paid a lot of attention.

Depending on the past history, I might be momentarily irritated by the first option, but if it's really true that he really will do anything I want and be enthusiastic about it, I'd probably cheer up pretty fast. The thing is, that's really not likely to be a true thing, that'd he'd be romantic and enthusiastic no matter what I wanted to do. It really lacks credibility unless the person saying it has a truly extraordinary history.

would work for me also!!

Ooh, la la!! I would LOVE to be swept away and have my date planned out for me.

My most dreaded phrase from my BF: "so, what are we doing this weekend?"

cm

... did the author mention any case of choosing both as good enough... ? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

#2

[color:"green"]I'm with mineownself - take out the don't ask where we are going bit and I would be happy.

Or, answer me honestly if I insist on knowing. I'm uncomfortable with not being prepared - that's just me.

V. [/color]

Well, it looks unanimous.

If a fella went with option #1, what that says to me is, "I did not put any thought or effort into your birthday. I have no idea what you would like or where to take you that you would enjoy. I want you to do all the work to entertain yourself." Whereas with option #2, it says to me, "I thought about YOU. I made the effort to find gifts I thought YOU would enjoy, to take you places I have heard you say YOU enjoy, and to make all the little incidental plans." The first one shows little or no "knowing" of the lady, and little or no effort...whereas the second one shows both "knowing" the lady and putting forth all the effort. In my book, even if the gift were a little off or the place wasn't my exact favorite, the fact that he made the effort to please me--THAT would be the big gift!!


FNCJ

Can only talk for myself - but there is no way I could go anywhere for a week-end and be ready in 30 min..IF a man expected that from me, I'd realize he doesn't know me at all...LOL...

But, if we warned me days in advance that we were going away for a week-end and the final destination was a suprise. I'd start packing and enjoy that he did all the planning and thought enough about me to want to do something special.

I think the author's example may not fit everyone, but the concept is right. If I have to tell someone what I want and where to buy it, I might as well go get it myself. That's not a gift. It's a payoff to make his life easier. I also don't want him to get his mother, sister, etc to help pick out a gift. I want him to spend at least 5 minutes thinking about me. Even if his gift plans end up being a total mess, I appreciate the thought. It lets me know that he thinks I'm worthy of his time and effort. I also don't want a slave. I want someone to take care of me.

I haven't read the book, but the author would be wrong if he doesn't point out that a gift should fit the receiver. A spur of the moment trip might stress out a planner. Some women expect that the gift have a certain $ or quality value. Some would rather have a handwritten poem on a post-it note. Some are private, and some like public displays. It all goes back to the guy showing her that he has put thought into the gift.

ItHurts, Suppose he gave you 2 hours to get ready and told you in advance what type of clothing you might need "Honey, bring your swimsuit, hiking clothing, and an evening dress that gives me heart palpitations". Would that help?