My STBXW and I are separated and I will be leaving the US for a long term assignment in ~10 days.

My youngest D (19) called me today and asked me to come to a cookout at our family home. She said she is inviting all of our extended family for a kind of "Bon Voyage" party.

Putting my feelings aside, it's seems clear that I should go for no other reason than to spend time with my daughter, but I am uncomfortable being in the same house again as my STBXW.

I know daughter has invited the in-laws (her grandparents), so it would be awkward for me to ask that STBXW not be there.

I suppose I'll go. STBXW just better not bring her "date"...

You'd think after 20 some-odd years of marriage I'd miss her a little bit...

I don't.

Low

loworbit,

Don't remember the details of your story but why would your D throw a party for YOU and invite IL and STBXW? Sounds more like a party for your D, without much thought over who is on the invite list.

If you want to spend time with your D , do it alone without this apparently awkward social situation.

You are invited by your own D ... not STBXW ... go n have fun

STBXW if she comes w/ OM ... it is up to your D to handle it ... I would be ready with jokes about OMs & waywards ... :P .

JMHO -rh-

The sitch is thus...

I am not living in the family home. My STBXW and youngest D live there.

I am a FWH...affair ended in 2001. I've tried very hard to recover. STBXW gave up on us a few months back. STBXW has as much as admitted that she was looking for an excuse to toss me out. I gave it to her a while back.

STBXW starting dating almost immediately after I moved out and continues to do so.

I've made up my mind that I'm doing this for my daughter. I might even "play nice" if STBXW and "friend" show up, but I hope she'd have more sense than that.

So, I'm going with the intention of ensuring my daughter has a wonderful time...and with the intention fo enjoying that time with her.

Low

Good call Low. I wish I could control myself so well.
I hope all goes well. Enjoy the party, have fun.

low,

Thanks for the synopsis of your sitch. Sorry about my previous post, I was off base in my assesment.

I agree with you, go and have a great time!

Hi Lo,

Go. Have someone take some pictures EARLY in the day, of you and your girls laughing and having fun. Those will be nice to have during your trip.

Stay real sober and have a reason to ditch in your back pocket. This kinda of event probably will not happen again, I'd not miss it.

And I have trouble believing your stbexW would bring some date to your bon voage party. That's tacky. But if she does, you'll be ok. Might even help you move on, emotionally. You say you dont miss her, but if that's true why would her date bother you? I felt sorry for the woman who dated my exH <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />... but I surely didnt care he'd moved on. It even alleivates guilty feelings... while I absolutely wanted to D my exH, I didnt want him to suffer too unnecessarily. KWIM?

Go and have as much as you can! - Dru <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Drucilla, I know what you mean, exactly.

LowOrbit, I'm voting for going. As a child whose parenets divorced when I was 21, I think it's a good-bye gift to your daughter.

This is a great way to demonstrate several essentials.
1. Her dad and mom can be civil and won't ruin her graduation, wedding, birth of first child, on down the line.
2. Her mom and dad while civil are never going to rekindle that spark.
3. Your love for her trumps and distaste, displeasure or dislike you may feel for your STBX.

Are you excited about your new assignment?

I'm with GG on this - go for your daughter.

How did the party go?

Interesting weekend.

Cookout was yesterday. We had a very nice time. My STBXW was very nice...no friend...

Here's where it got very weird and confusing...

My daughter left with some friends later in the evening, so I hung around fixing a few things in the house that I knew needed attention before I left.

Next thing I know, STBXW is telling me how she misses days like today and wishes things were like they used to be...etc...etc

To make a long story short...we ended up in bed. Some of the best SF we've had in a LONG time. She said that she had been dating but had not had any desire to have SF with any of them. She's thinking that she's made a mistake.

It was good being with her again. I'm really starting to question if I'm doing the right thing by leaving.

Low

I don't know your story orbit. But sounds like you had a great time! Good for you!

Low Orbit, HA! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

When I read this thread, I thought hmm, it might not be how you'd think it'd turn out.

You were such a perfect, ideal, reformed WH. King of NC, our Low. Of course, you're such a long time (read: OLD) member I don't exactly know your recovery story, but I remember you told me once, the reason why you returned to your wife is because she made drastic attempts at changing her behaviour. Maybe tossing you out hints at some old, hidden anger from your A? Maybe she displayed all the loving Plan A-type a BS should at that time and buried her anger way deep, so when you spoke to OW at that chance meeting, it was just an 'opportunity' to kick you in the @$$??

It's my guess.
It may be too soon, but this is such a piece of happy news, I feel like clicking my heels and do a cheer-on dance for you! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> Yay! Yay!

Dear Low, I hope both of you will work things out. A truly reformed H, with all MB principles engraved in his heart, is too precious a H to lose.

After the lst few years, I'm pretty skittish about getting back in to this marriage.

I think last night was a mistake. But it shows that I'm way more attached to her than I thought I was.

I can't change my work plans without torpedoing my career, so the reassignment is still on. That will gives us a good solid separation to get our heads on straight.

Low

Way to go, LO <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> Better than a stick in the eye...

Cant advise eitherway, but that throws a monkey-wrench into the situation. I know you have to go to SA. What's that, a year? Maybe you two might be ready then to proceed? Can you both agree to leave the door open? Correspond for a year, reconnect with words? Sure gives you alot to think about.

Please take care!! - Dru

I don't know, Dru. This sounds like I'd be putting my life on hold waiting to see what happens. I was so looking forward to moving on.

We'll see.

Low

Not on hold... you'll have a life in SA, but you're only there a year, right? You dont plan on living that far away from your D's forever... I'm just saying it could be an opportunity. Nothings written in stone... I just keep thinking WOW - Imagine if you two REALLY reconnected? Spend a year emailing each other and eventually romancing each other. The base is there for a wonderful ending to all of this. Geeze, I'm getting soft.... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" />

I still dont see Sunday night as a mistake. Seems you both had a very nice evening. Nothing to decide now, anyway - please take care - Dru