HI River,
That song is great... here is the one by EC I thought inspired you handle:


RIVER OF TEARS
(by Eric Clapton, Simon Clime)

It's three miles to the river
That would carry me away,
And two miles to the dusty street
That I saw you on today.

It's four miles to my lonely room
Where I will hide my face,
And about half a mile to the downtown bar
That I ran from in disgrace.

Lord, how long have I got to keep on running,
Seven hours, seven days or seven years?
All I know is, since you've been gone
I feel like I'm drowning in a river,
Drowning in a river of tears.

In three more days, I'll leave this town
And disappear without a trace.
A year from now, maybe settle down
Where no one knows my face.

I wish that I could hold you
One more time to ease the pain,
But my time's run out and I got to go,
Got to run away again.

Still I catch myself thinking,
One day I'll find my way back here.
You'll save me from drowning,
Drowning in a river,
Drowning in a river of tears.
Lord, how long must this go on?

Drowning in a river,
Drowning in a river of tears.

FRANK

That's the one Frank!
RoT

I don't think this should be your song - nothing about having cancer and being angry about it, gives anyone the right to go outside a marriage to fix something inside it.

So change the letter if you must send it and take out everything that even hints that you are in any way responsible for the choice she made. You are only responsible for your actions, and as for agreeing that her "friendship" didn't intend to become an affair. I have many men friendships and I don't intend them to become affairs and guess what? Amazingly they haven't, even though I am three years into working to fix my marriage full of ongoing emotional abuse, including him being horribly cruel when I did have cancer and had a breast removed.

Well off the soap box for now and I'll leave you to read your lyrics.


The Last Thing On My Mind
Tom Paxton lyrics

It's a lesson too late for the learnin'
Made of sand, made of sand
In the wink of an eye my soul is turnin'
In your hand, in your hand

Are you going away with no word of farewell
Will there be not a trace left behind
Well, I could have loved you better
Didn't mean to be unkind
You know that was the last thing on my mind

You've got reasons a-plenty for goin'
This I know, this I know.
For the weeds have been steadily growin'
Please don't go, please don't go

Are you going away with no word of farewell
Will there be not a trace left behind
Well, I could have loved you better
Didn't mean to be unkind
You know that was the last thing on my mind

---- Instrumental Interlude ----

As I lie in my bed in the mornin'
Without you, without you
Every song in my breast lies a bornin'
Without you, without you

Are you going away with no word of farewell
Will there be not a trace left behind
Well, I could have loved you better
Didn't mean to be unkind
You know that was the last thing on my mind
That was the last thing on my mind

Song can be found on his "Ramblin' Boy" album - 1964

Silverpool,

After reading the rest of the lyrics,you're right, that's not my song anymore!!!!

RoT

Melody,
What do you think of my sending this e-mail to my WW? Your telling me earlier today that she isn't really my friend inspired this. It's hard to know whether to send things like this or not.

"We are not really friends. Since September, you have pushed me away, and are now pushing me farther away. I'm your husband, not your friend. We could be friends, but only on the condition that you stop all contact with the person whom you now call 'best friend,’ and that you work with me and the kids on healing our broken family."

I don't want to sound weak!

RoT

Is this what plan A is about?

RT, that is good, but take out the part about "you are pushing me away." I would call her boyfriend her "affair partner."

Any news on exposure or the OM's identity? Can you find his phone # from old phone bills?

I do know who the OM is. I'm sorry. I should have made that clear earlier. He is a co-worker at the airline my WW works for...you know an "affair in the workplace." I'm trying to track down the OMW. She lives in South Dakota I believe, but I haven't been able to find out where or what her first name is or anything else about her, except that she and the OM are separated and have been for years...not divorced. I believe they have children, but I don't know how many or how old they are.

The exposure will require a lot of coordination in order to do it in minimal time between telling each party. The OMW is the only one I'm having difficulty finding. Would you expose anyway without telling her along with the others?
RoT

RT, can you find out HIS address and phone # and call his house? She may live there. You only have the word of a liar that they are seperated so it may not even be true.

You also have a superb exposure opportunity at the workplace. I would send Human Resources a letter notifying them of the affair.

Could exposing the A at the workplace get my WW fired? This would seem like an insurmountable LB?
RoT

If exposure there got one of them fired, that would sure as heck bust up the affair, wouldn't it, ROT? Isn't that what you want? At this point, your WW is going to interpret just about everything as a LB so I wouldn't be overly concerned. It's your job to smash the affair partner's little fantasy world and exposure is an excellent tool to do that. Here's a thread here on MB on exposure that you might find interesting.

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/sho...rt=all&vc=1

And here's another one:

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/sho...rt=all&vc=1

Melody has a link to Plan A and B in her signature line. You really need to read up on those plans on this website. I also suggest you get a copy of Surviving An Affair by Dr. Willard Harley for more, in-depth, information about the process. Not "Just Friends" by Shirley P. Glass, Ph.D. discusses workplace affairs and may also be useful to you.

No, it is not a lovebuster. A lovebuster is:

Selfish Demands
Disrespectful Judgments
Angry Outbursts
Annoying Habits
Independent Behavior
Dishonesty

Exposure will help end or hasten the end of the affair. If she loses her job, it would be because of her affair. But that is a risk she is perfectly willing to take.

Did you see what I wrote about calling the OM's house and asking for his wife?

What Airline, you can email me privately if you wish - send it to lindabb@gmail.com - it is sometimes a small world.

It is a long shot, but airline staff talk a lot about who is doing whom and I have contacts. Few people in the industry have the privacy about A they think they do and people who gossip will tell anyone who will listen all they know..

Melody,
I did see what you said about calling the OM's house and asking for his wife. I know they are separated and have been for longer than the affair has gone on. She lives in the state of SD I believe. We're in MT. My WW goes to his house and stays there for hours at a time. I know because I've had to call her there a couple of times to reach her for emergencies.

RT, on the other hand, he might not be seperated at all, but just living a secret lifestyle with 2 places of residence. Can you look up his name on www.peoplefinder.com and see if you can get his wife's address, etc?

How do you know they are seperated?

www.zabasearch.com is another good people/name search site.

Melody,
My WW told me, and like I said he lives alone and WW wife often goes to his house and spends hours with him. I know where he lives.
RoT

RT, I would not take anything she tells you as the truth. He is probably lying to her about quite a lot and may very well have another residence. It is not uncommon. So please track her down. Have you tried the people search websites we showed you?

You can fairly easily get his wifes name off one of those.