Oh my Lord, what have I done!!

I've cried, whined, moaned, screamed, and denigrated his name in front of her to the point where she's refusing contact. Tonight she called his vm and ... I don't even know what she said, she wouldn't tell me, but she told me later that she absolutely hates him.

Somebody please help me. My EN's and lack of E control are ruining my child's life. I just read about PAS tonight, and even though WH has NEVER been accused of SA, I fear our DD hates him because I hate him. Oh my god i never meant to hurt my little girl like this.

Please help me sort this out.

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BS: 43 (me)
WH: 33
DD age 6
Multiple A;s, Multiple OW: 1991-present.
D-day: 10/10/2005
Separated 10/01/05
Plan? What Plan?

Heaven, please calm down. You didn't deliberately set out to turn your daughter against her father.

First thing to do is STOP all the drama in front of her.

Second thing to do is to talk to her. Explain that you made a mistake by behaving the way you did, and let her know that it won't happen again (and don't let it happen!). Explain that you were hurt and angry by the SITUATION, but that you will be fine, no matter what (and you will!). Let her know that it's OK to be angry about the way things are, but that it's also OK to love her father, because he loves her and will always be her daddy. Encourage her to spend time with her father. Although she may be angry with him, she must still treat him with respect, simply because he IS her father. It's also OK to let her know that you still love her daddy and that you are trying very hard to change your behavior in a positive way.

I'm certainly no expert on PAS, but I think you should let her know these things. Also, find a counselor to help her through this.

Ok. I'll try to be calm.

She already has a counselor, thank God. She sees her tomorrow and I'm already planning on total honesty in de-briefing her (the C).

I have been trying to encourage contact, but at first it was he who failed to show up for scheduled times to see or phone her. Then, we went for over 6 weeks with no contact from him at all. Recently, because of MB, I've been trying to soften her heart to him, even talked her into having lunch with him at McD's. After he fiiiiinally agreed to come, she changed her mind and said no. It's a real mess.

It gets confusing sometimes which of us is really behaving like a 6 year old. I'll get a grip, and keep it.

Yes, I'll speak to her again first thing in the morning. I'll apologize first for saying I hated him, and remind her of the things you reminded me of. Somehow, someway, I've got to get a grip on this pain and anger. She sees how much I'm hurting, recognizes that he's not calling her ... a friend told me she's instinctively doing her own Plan B.

I've got to do a better job of keeping the adult stuff out of her earshot. Really. I've been very inconsiderate of her, and that's just plain wrong.

I hear you loud and clear, LC.