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Tired41 Offline OP
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Good Morning Ladies,

How is everyone this morning? I hope we have a good day.

I'm still struggling a little bit with disbelief at times. Last night, I had dreams of me and STBX at the movies, and I woke up and just couldn't believe this is happening. I tossed the rest of the night. I never dream anything intimate or sexual, it's just us talking or holding hands or laughing together. I hate those dreams. Anyway, I've got myself braced for another day, just hope that I don't see her.

What's going on with you guys?

Tired41


BH (41), WW (40) D-Day 9/4/05 DS(15), DSS(13) Divorce Filed 1/9/05
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Good morning Tired. I'm sorry about your dreams. I hate those dreams too, they are so vivid and real...and then you wake up.

I just got through reading the articles that you sent me. I was contemplating sending my H the article on divorce. But I am not. It wouldn't do any good. He'll just have to see (well hopefully he'll see) on his own that leaving this marriage was not the answer to our problems. But maybe he wont see that. Maybe he's one of those few that will be happier by divorcing me. Time will tell.

I wished I had gotten my hands on that tough love article about a year and a half ago. I realize now that I was tRYing to force him into staying. All the crying and begging, it just sent him further away. He knows I am weak but I believe that I am doing a better job now at contolling my emotions and not trying to grasp him.

Thankful: Well, it's Thursday! The big day. I hope it goes well and that your H has come to his senses and buried the alien inside him. Give us an update when you can.

Cis: Hope your day is a good one. I hope you haven't gotten any more mean messages. Keep in touch with us and let us know how you are doing. OK?

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Tired41 Offline OP
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Soon,

I thought of sending the Divorce article to my STBX also, but like you, decided that it would be a waste of time. They are so fogged out, that it wouldn't matter what we sent.

I too was clingy and tried to hold on too tight. I wish I had read that article last May. It might not have changed a thing, but I would feel better about me.

Tired


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I have been reading your threads for several days now and believe our situations are so similar. I am having a real hard letting go now and doing what I need to do to protect myself. Have not spoken to STBXH in 4 days although he is staying 4 houses away. I feel like a prisoner in what isn't even my house now.

could you send a copy of the article to me? I have come to realize that I only made things worse by being needy and trying to cover for him instead of forcing him to take responsibility and think the article might help me get past some of this.


BW 47 WH 48 D-day 6/28/05 Divorcing 2/06
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I just emailed a local church here asking them for info on a divorce care group. I hope I hear from them soon. I don't feel good at all today. When I woke up this morning I had a terrible headache so I took some meds and then I got really dizzy and have been that way all day. My stomach is upset and don't have an appetite at all. I'm just really tired and don't feel good at all. I don't know where it came from, I was fine last night and it just hit me all of a sudden when I woke up.

twoblue: Welcome to our little group. I'm not sure of your story so feel free to tell us a little more about your situation.

I have heard from H twice today. He has called me. Just checking to see how I'm feeling. We had a really good night last night. Watched TV, had family time and had some wine. Then SF. I did not sleep well at all. Kept waking up about every 45 minutes. I hate this. I think that I am not feeling well because I'm just run down. I don't take care of myself at all. I don't even care either.

OK, here comes the tears. Gotta go. I'm sorry.

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Tired41 Offline OP
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Soon, try to rest and start feeling better. I hope you don't have the flu, it's going pretty strong right now. I'm glad that you had a good night last night. Family time and watching TV together sounds so good. Sam and I watched some TV together also, but it's just not the same. Please take care of yourself. I, and the others in our group, need you to help us rebuild our lives, and maybe we can help you also.

Welcome Twoblue. I'm sorry for the agony that you are going through. I know firsthand what it's like, so feel free to vent, cry, scream, or whatever you feel like to me. Chances are I've done or thought the same things. I will be glad to send you the "Tough Love" article. I think it is an exerpt from Dobson's "Love Must Be Tough" book, which I have read and highly recommend. Please post an email address and I will make sure that you get it.

I hope you have a good day!

Tired41


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Tired, thank you for thinking of me. I don't believe it's the flu. Well, actually...my one nightly glass of wine turned into four last night. So that's probably what it is. I don't know why I kept pouring, well acutally I didn't my H did. It made me feel better though. My cares seemed to disappear for a while, I know that this is not a good thing. Turning to alcohol for comfort. And I don't intend to let myself do that. It would be very easy, but I have to learn to accept what's happening and not turn to things that will just cause me more problems.

I wonder how Thankful is, if she has spoken to her H yet.

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Tired41 Offline OP
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It is nice to disappear into a few drinks too many some time. I haven't done that since we separated. I guess just be careful that it doesn't turn into a crutch.

I am going to go to a divorce support group, I think. When I talked to the group leader about it, he said that they are in the middle of a 13 week session and that he would call me before the next one starts.

I can't get used to no contact at all with my STBXW. When we were together, even near the end, she would email and/or text message me several times each day. Now that she has left, there is nothing. Maybe that's why I'm on here so much. I do miss so much. Things will get better though, they have to, as I can't stay like this much longer.

Thankful, you are in our thoughts today. Good luck with talking to you H.

Tired41


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I asked my H earlier if he could go and get the boys after work as I may have to work late. He said..."well I guess". And then he said "well what are we going to do if I have to work late, leave them there?"

Which is fine, I don't mind them spending the night with my parents. It's easy now, because I ALWAYS go and pick up the boys. He doesn't have to worry about that. But what is he going to do when I'm not here? God I hope he misses me like the dickens. I just don't think he will. I honestly don't think he will. I truly believe in my heart that after I move out, he'll pick up and move on just like it was nothing...just like your wife. How on earth is it that easy to just walk away like it's nothing? I sure wish I some kind of book with some directions.

He just called here. Said he would definitely be late becuase he had a conference call and then he had to take another lady that he works with out to for supper. Makes me sick. I have to fight from gagging when he tells me these things, acting like it's "business".

Now I'm in one of those "it would have never worked anyway" moods. Even if he came running back professing his undying love for me I don't know how it could work. He wouldn't leave his job, therefore he would be working with his ex OW and his current "friends". Part of his job is taking women out to eat weekly. I just couldn't take that. I'd have to know that he is 100% committed to me. He can't be with his job.

When I found email proof of his first A, which was written in August 2004 and I brought it to H attention he told me that she was married now. And I just wonder if she was dating the man she is married to now while whe was sleeping with my H? I "stumbled" upon her wedding pictures today on some website that belongs to family members of either her or her new H. The caption said "***** and ***** finally tie the knot!". FINALLY? That sounds to me like they had been dating a while. I mean, this email I found was from August 04, I wonder how long after that it went on. August 04 is just 1 1/2 years ago. I have thought about trying to contact him to let him know, but I haven't and I wont. It would be just for revenge. And that wouldn't help me get my H back. It wouldn't do me any good. And even though I do not respect her nor like her for that matter, I wouldn't want her marriage in shambles like mine is. I wouldnt wish that on anybody.

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Tired41 Offline OP
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Soon, I think sometimes when we are losing someone, we tend to think only of what we lost and the good things we had, and maybe we forget about what they are really like. I say that to ask, do you really want your H back? I know as badly as I want my W to come home, I do not want her back like she was the last year. I couldn't take that. Either she would have to make a commitment to me, and demonstrate that she means it, or I couldn't take her back. Living like that is horrible.

IMHO, I think that maybe you should look into setting some boundaries and sticking to them. WARNING: This may result in the end on your marriage, as it is mine, but if our spouses won't commit to us, isn't the marriage over anyway.

Well, that's my advice anyway, and I'm no expert. I am proud of you for not wishing this on the FOW. That shows that you're a better person than her already, and that's all I know about her.

Keep your chin up and have a good night. Don't go too heavy on the wine.

Tired


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I have thought that as well Tired41. I don't know who the a**hole living in my house was the last 2 years but I could care less if I ever see him again. I miss the man that made me feel like I was the most important thing in the world. I miss the one that cried when he held our sleeping grandchild for the first time.

My STBXH is staying half a block away and has not spoken to me in 2 weeks. I don't know what to do about anything because he wont talk to me at all. He will not even email me. I have had a lot of time to go over our life together and keep kicking myself for not being able to predict this. Everything we have been through has been the result of his "running away" in one form or another. Everything I did for him enabled him to run more and resent me for it. I have been his "excuse" for not facing his own self in the mirror, and I am tired of carrying all the weight.

Tired41: My email address is in my profile, do I need to post it elsewhere?


BW 47 WH 48 D-day 6/28/05 Divorcing 2/06
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Two, I looked at your profile, but your email address does not show up. Maybe I am looking in the wrong place, I don't know.

It's odd to me the way that our STBXs' are able to totally drop us with no contact at all. Someday, they will regret that.

Tired41


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Yeah I do want my H back. But he would have to make some changes. I want him back but not like he is now. Yesterday I was going through a journal I had kept for a couple of months. I read a lot of stuff in their that reminded me of the bad times instead of the good times. Every weekend he was either at his brothers house or his parents house. Always had an excuse why he was coming home late. The names he called me. It sometimes helps me to remember the bad times. But the those good times start drifting in those are the times I want.

I know that no marriage is perfect. They all have problems and would never expect him to be perfect. But I cannot put up with the lies and the cheating. I cannot. I don't know what boundaried to set. I think, why set boundaries now...it won't be long before I'm gone anyway. I figure I should just enjoy the time I can have with him now, and let the boys live with mommy and daddy as long as they can. We don't fight or argue. We are civil to each other and to an outsider everything would look like we have the perfect marriage. There will be a lot of people saying to me "divorced? I thought you two were happy". That's why it's so hard for me. We are fine now, so why can't it be this way always.

Im just not ready to give up until it's officially over. I'm very stubborn in that way.

I hope everyone's evening goes well. Looking forward to hearing from yall tomorrow. Sleep well, with sweet dreams that cam possible come true.


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